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I don't know if what my brother did to me can be classified as sexual abuse. I was staying over at his house. It was late at night, and we were watching a movie. At some point, he asked if he could initiate some cuddling. I actually agreed, since we are really close and both enjoy physical affection. While we were spooning, he snuck his hand under my shirt. He didn't say anything, and I didn't say anything. As the night went on, he alternated between different caresses, kisses on my head or the side of my face, and words of affection. I idly stroked his arm back because I felt awkward just lying there. He eventually asked "is this okay?" in reference to his hand inching up my stomach. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and still thought the action was platonic, plus it felt nice, plus I am a timid person and have a hard time with confrontation, so my brain thinks saying "no" to people is provoking them, so I said "yes". I didn't really want to say it I, though. I don't think I wanted to say "no", wither. I don't think I wanted to say anything at all. I was tired. We both were. His caresses smoothly progressed to the point he was caressing the underside of my breasts. That's when I started really questioning his intentions. He asked "is this okay?" again. I said "yes" again. When the movie ended, I got scared. I had been using it to distract myself from what was happening, and I was afraid that now that there was no distraction, he would shift his whole attention to me and try to initiate something; so I sat up. He lightly squeezed the underside of my breast as I did so, maybe on purpose, or maybe as a reflex. When he realized I was genuinely pulling away, he took back his hands, said: "I'm sorry. Your brother's a creep", and got up to take a shower. I think that's the moment I started freaking out. It's what confirmed my suspicions that his touches really had sexual intent behind them. I had been trying to gaslight myself into believing they were innocent affection, but those words were forcing me to face the reality of my situation. I remember running my mouth non-stop about random topics when we were having breakfast because I was afraid he was going to bring up what just happened and would want to have a conversation about it. I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to pretend it never happened. I still try to. But it haunts me. He and his wife (who had been sleeping peacefully in their bedroom through the whole night) left early in the morning for their honeymoon (I was there to house-sit, and had come the night before to hang out with them before they left). Once I was alone, I quietly went to their bed to sleep (with their permission and insistance, since there were no other beds in the apartment). As I tried to fall asleep, I still could feel his hands on me, like a phantom touch. I broke down right there. I felt guilty, and disgusting, for not having stopped it and for having enjoyed it too. I felt like maybe I was the creep, and maybe I was the one turning this interaction into something inappropriate. The following weeks, I tried to suppress my feelings. Some days before Christmas, I was on a plane with my mother, about to start our holiday vacation. I was close to my period and my breasts felt sensitive. That triggered something in me and I suddenly teared up right there, in public. That vague ache reminded me of the feeling of that one squeeze he gave to my breast. My mother noticed me about to cry, but I lied and said that's just because I'm close to my period and feeling gloomy (I had been struggling with depression for a while, which she knew.) During the trip, I would get random flashbacks to that night, sometimes even accompanied with feelings of nausea. I felt like I was making my brain overreact somehow, since I hadn't been raped and I shouldn't be traumatized for touching that can barely even be considered intimate. When we got back home, I did something I'm not sure whether I regret it: I talked to him about it. I sent him a long text (he lives in another city, which actually made me feel safer about confronting him) which I barely remember anything about, except that it mentioned "that night" and how I had been upset by it. I broke down while typing it, and it probably wasn't very coherent. My brother sent me many short replies in quick bursts when he saw it. He apologized profusely. He said "I don't know what's wrong with me", "I'll get psychological help", alongside many things I don't remember. That had me freaking out a bit. What did he need psychological help for? Was he admitting he's got urges he can't control? But I didn't say anything related to that. I was afraid of accusing him, and I made sure to clarify I was also to blame for not setting down any boundaries. We were both replying to each other without thinking. We were panicking, and full of adrenaline. I was scared of losing him. He was the only connection I had in the city we both lived in (very far from our hometown, where our parents and my friends all live). I didn't want to upset him, because he's a very sensitive person and I already felt guilty for how I was reacting to it. We somewhat resolved the issue over text. Except we didn't. At all. I pretended we did, but I was still plagued by doubts and paranoia. More than the touching, what haunted me were his words: "I'm sorry. Your brother's a creep." They shook me to my core. All I had wanted was to be in denial about what happened, but those words wouldn't let me. The story goes on to this day, but I don't want to write too much about the aftermath of "that night", since I'd be writing for too long and I want to focus on whether it was an instance of abuse. At this point, I feel a little more grounded and able to accept that what happened had sexual undertones. I am still full of shame and guilt. I did consent to some of the touching. I'm not certain I wanted to, but it is something I did. That would usually make me think this is a consensual encounter and that I simply regret it now, but there are many factors that also contribute to my belief that this could potentially be an instance of abuse too. First of all, my brother was 38 at the time. I was 20, which yes, is an adult, but still; he is my much older brother. He was already nearly an adult by the time I was born. He's been a figure of authority my whole life, even though he likes to pretend he's not. He's a little clueless when it comes to what's appropriate or not in social contexts, but I do think someone his age should know better than to sneak his hand under his little sister's shirt and go up her body so much his fingers actually brush against her areola. Secondly, I am neurodivergent, though I hadn't told him at the time. However, when I did tell him, he said he already had suspicions. Regardless of that, I've always been quiet and withdrawn, so it upsets that he initiated touching under the guise of innocent affection and then expected me to be able to express my discomfort when it escalated without him specifying it was going to. I don't think his form of seeking consent was productive at all either. He only asked me if two specific touches were okay, and only after starting to do them. He didn't ask for explicit permission for anything but the cuddling at the start. What I want to say is that I was vulnerable. I am young, inexperienced, autistic, and he has always been an emotional support and almost parental figure to me. I don't know how he can be so naive as to think he doesn't have any power over me. Maybe he does know that, but wasn't thinking at the time. I still don't get why he would touch me like that. I find a little solace in thinking that maybe I didn't have any control over it after all. But I don't know. Maybe I did. I am an adult after all. And I do believe he would have stopped if I had told him to. But I definitely never gave any enthusiastic consent. I feel betrayed. I feel lost. I feel angry. I feel sad. I've been avoiding thinking about it for months. Tonight, it all came back to me once more and I broke down again. I truly don't know what to do. I don't want to tell anyone close to me what happened because I am ashamed. I certainly don't want to tell my parents. I kind of want to cut ties with him, but at the same time I don't because I truly believe he is remorseful about it and I don't want to make him sad. I can't help being naive. I don't know if that's comforting, or embarrassing.

I was with my ex and I had just started some new tablets that made me sleepy. I tell my ex that I’m going to sleep and he continues to play his video game. I wake in a daze around an hour later and he is raping me and enjoying it. I react by making noises out of fear and wait for him to finish up the act , I just froze in fear. Once it was over I was mad he never got consent but he told me that he thought I wanted it. It’s been nearly a year and I’m still not over it

I was assaulted by a man, who was an acquaintance, in my apartment. We had hooked up once before, and it had been quick but fine. Things started consensually, but at one point it began to hurt me and I asked him if we could stop. At that point, he pushed down on my upper back, high enough that my mouth was half pushed into the pillow. I froze, and couldn't move at all. I just waited for him to finish whatever it was he wanted to do. The aftermath was extremely confusing. I first thought that it was just a bad experience. But as the months went on, I realised it was playing on my mind too much to be dismissed as that. Six months after the assault, I sought some medical tests. It was a year after, amid a particular run of sexual assault stories in the media, that I contacted rape crisis centre to get help. I also reported to the Gardai several years after my assault, and while they handled it well they also warned that if I was to pursue an investigation that the process could be very exposing and I chose not to take it further. My assault took place only six months after I had come out as queer, and so it felt like much of what I had worked hard to accept about myself and to go through as part of coming out was impacted -- the freedom to be who I was and to enjoy my sexuality was taken away for a long time. My assault was not the first time nor the last time I experienced non-consensual behaviour, although was by far the most serious and impactful occurrence.

When I was 13 was sexually assaulted by a person I'd rather not name. I've known him for a while yet never spoke out because I like him. He never saw it as sexual assault because it was "only the fingers" Whenever I think about it, I get sick to my stomach. Knowing I had no strength to stop him. I cry everytime I think about it and I'm too scared to tell anyone. Please anyone, what should I do. What can I do.

I got drugged on a festival and ultimately it ended up with me performing sex with a stranger without me even being conscious. I went to the festival with three of my friends. One was already asleep when a drunk guy came to our tents. He was searching for his friend, he said but then he asked if he could stay with us a bit. He was kinda funny and pretty drunk so we thought as a group that it would be okay to give him some water and let him be with us a bit. After some time my remaining awake friends said they wanted to shower and left me alone. That's the last thing I can remember clearly. The rest is in snippets. I can remember him giving me something to drink and I drank. Then I remember him kissing me. And ultimately I woke up the next morning, naked in his tent. My friends searched for me the whole night and were really pissed, that I went with him, without telling anybody and I felt horrible for making them feel that way, so I kinda forgot that I had no memories of this incident and thought for a year or so that I was just a really bad friend, who walked off with a random drunk guy and made my friends worry. Just after that first year I started dating my SO and told him the story. He looked at me, hugged me tightly and said that this is awful. That's the first time I thought about the incident a bit more and tried to understand what happened. It was a shock for me, that he got angry at my friends because in my book they were the ones that did nothing wrong. The more I thought about though, the more I understood: he gave me some kind of drug, that basically knocked me out and had sex with me. I got raped. And this was even more of a shock. I'm still in my healing process. The memories sometimes still haunt me but way less then they did before. I still feel ashamed sometimes but I'm at a point where I can turn the train of thought around and tell myself that I don't have to be. I really hope that sharing my story will help others in one way or another and I can certainly say that it will help me be more open with my story.

The next time someone chokes me during sex I’m going to break their fucking nose. I don’t want to be choked. Ever. Call me crazy, but I like breathing. Air? That’s some good shit. Maybe a year ago I was hooking up with some guy. He asked if he could kiss me (yes). He asked if I wanted him to take off my clothes (yes). He didn’t think to ask if he should choke me (NO). Many many hookups have done similar things. Choking me during sex. I would say none have asked before, but that’s not true! A few actually DID ask, and I very explicitly said “DO NOT DO THAT”. But they “forgot”. It’s kind of crazy because I’ve had sex with a fair number of people and almost all of them have tried to choke me. I’ve NEVER, EVER, in any way, indicated I want that. I recently read a study that said this happens more to poor people and queer people. Well, checks out for me. I was once kind-of-dating a girl who was very smart and had a great memory. Except when it came to remembering not to choke me. Or wait, sometimes it wasn’t her memory, it’s just that my very explicit and clear and repeated requests were somehow confusing. “Oh, I thought you just didn’t want me to choke you *during* sex, you never said I couldn’t choke you right before!” “Well you said you sometimes like rough sex or BDSM. I see choking as like the most basic part of that. I don’t understand how you can like BDSM but not choking”. It’s funny because I don’t see how her “misunderstanding” meant she should choke me. There’s been others who would forget. Maybe it’s just their habit to choke their partners. Maybe they don’t care what I think. Whatever. Maybe it’s unfair, but I’ve decided that next time someone tries to choke me during sex, I’m going to break their nose. Maybe I’ll give them a warning. Maybe I’ll tell them before we meet up not to choke me. Maybe I’ll tell them to keep their hands off my neck. Maybe explicitly texting that would be smart, so if they try to charge me with assault I have something like proof. But you know what? Maybe I won’t. Maybe I won’t warn them. Maybe I shouldn’t have to. I mean, if I should have warned them not to choke me, they should have warned me not to break their fucking nose, right? I mean there’s lots of porn out there where the person likes that. How was I supposed to know they didn’t want their fucking nose broken if they didn’t tell me first? Maybe I forgot. Maybe I was confused. Maybe I was confused because I thought we were having rough sex so of course they’d want me to break their fucking nose. Right?

Im struggling to get my head around what to do and who to speak to. I was comfortably asleep and cuddling my boyfriend and had my head kind of on top of him, i woke up slightly and he was moving my hand to his crotch that was h*rd and at that point i was wide awake with my eyes still closed wondering what he was doing, i opened them a little and pretended i was moving in my sleep but he kept on using force moving my whole arm and hand to touch him and i didnt know what to do so i was still and he took out his phone like he was gonna take a picture. He knows i wouldnt want to do that and I dont know what to do or how to feel, i confronted him about it when i ‘woke up’ and i was in shock shaking, we were arguing and he started crying and long story short i ended up comforting him. he never truly said sorry once and i just feel lost because i have so much love for him but i genuinely never want to be with him again but the thought of never speaking to him again hurts me, and i know he wouldnt live without me. which is what scares me because im the only one there for him, i dont know what he would do without me. i just need help on a decision please im feeling very alone in this.

I can safely say here that last year I have been sexually assaulted by my boyfriend at the time. I was a virgin and wanted him to kindly lead me to make love but he took it from me and so til this date I am working through that. I have been introduced to this platform by a girl who reads my blog and so I am ever so grateful to be able to share these and to follow you on Instagram I am forever grateful Regards with much love, g.

Emotional and psychological abuse is abuse, even if it’s invisible to other people. I spent years ashamed of what was happening to me, thinking no one would believe me if I spoke up, because there were no visible scars. But I’m here to say, for anyone else going through this: You deserve more. Your kids deserve more. You deserve to be seen. You deserve to be heard. I will not be invisible anymore. I will not be quiet. We’re in this together. Sending love.💕

After over a decade, I'm just now coming out of a fog and realizing I've been abused since before we even married. I feel so lost right now. I'm trying to forgive myself, love myself, and gain strength, all while still having to be married to my abuser. I want to leave but don't have the resources to. And I cannot stomach the thought of my children having to suffer even weekend visits with him without me there as a shield. I'm so exhausted. I'm so hurt and angry and sad. He's abused me physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. I feel so trapped and don't really see a way out for me and my kids. When I watched It Ends With Us, I related so much because I knew exactly how it felt to look back and finally realize what had actually happened. I am just now processing so much that I didn't feel safe enough to even consider was abuse before. It's hard and sometimes I want to hide from it all, but I know the only way to heal and somehow leave is to face what I've been through head on and make a plan to escape.

Month Day, Year I was raped on my first day of college... then a few months later I was violently raped at my place of work. At the time of these attacks I was not intoxicated and the attacks did not happen at night. In addition I did not say no and I did not physically fight back. I thought for so long that these conditions invalidated my experiences, that I couldn’t have really been raped and that I must have someone brought these experiences on myself. Over the last five and half years, I have done so much to fill my trauma void... stay in toxic relationships, stay in toxic behaviors with food, and struggled finding the strength to continue living beyond college. In less than a month I will be graduating college and not only do I want to live beyond college, but I want to thrive and help others see their strength when they can’t. I wear my scars, whether physical or mental, like wings. While in the moment the trauma I went through was horrifying, now almost six years out these experiences have shaped me in ways that make me realize my strength and my unique ways I can help the world. Right now you may be sitting with fresh and festering wounds, but with time, community support, and vigorous self care and exploration your wounds will turn to scars, which will allow you to soar. Have grace for and faith in your journey and your strength. You are worthy of love and life. You are more than enough. You are needed and wanted in this world to share all of your beautiful gift. With Love, S

I am a trans guy and i was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused by my older sister. i don't know when the cocsa first started or when it ended, but it lasted for years. It happened so many times. Sometimes I would be a willing participant in the 'games'. Other times i was uncomfortable, other times downright terrified and forced. And the thing was, she'd create these stories of murder and torture and slavery and mutilation. We'd come up with characters who we'd "roleplay" as. Sometimes she made me play the abuser but i hated it. It's weird having been forced to roleplay RAMCOA scenarios because now i feel so much pain from that despite it not being actually real Its really difficult having abuse that went on for so long because it involved so many different experiences. I feel the guilt of "participating" but also the hatred from the times where i was forced.

When I was 12/13 and my brother was 9ish, he started to grope me. At first it was just quick grabs of my breasts or ass. But he started to get more confident and began groping and squeezing for longer and longer periods of time and doing it more frequently. Eventually he started grabbing/cupping my vulva through my clothes. I was a bit bigger than him and could successfully fight him off, but I was not allowed to. My parents knew what was happening and he often did stuff like this in front of them. They ignored it and acted like it wasn't happening. He never got in trouble for it. They would only tell him to stop in the moment if there was a guest over or I was begging them to momentarily intervene. But if I pushed him, hit him, or even just yelled at him to stop, I got in trouble with my parents. I cried and begged my parents for months to talk to him and make him stop, but they never did. I was constantly choosing between letting my own brother touch me and getting punished by my parents for self-defense. It was agony. This probably went on for 9 months. I don't know if I'm really a victim of abuse or anything. My brother was younger than me and smaller than me. In COCSA cases, it's almost always an older abuser and a younger victim. That's not my situation. He knew touching me was wrong, but he didn't have a complete understanding of consent and sex. But, he was old enough to understand "no" and me crying. As his older sister, I feel like I also have a responsibility towards him and that I should have done more in that situation. But how could I? My parents didn't help me and I was punished for protecting myself.

Around five years ago, I was raped repeatedly by a man I was seeing. It was the kind of rape that some people don’t consider rape - other than the act itself, there was no additional physical violence. There were no threats. There was just the constant knowledge that he would not listen when I said no, that he would not care or stop when I told him it hurt or that I didn’t feel safe. He always kept going. Every time I went over to his house, I knew that it was about to happen again. I kept going over, at least for a little while. Eventually, I tried to end things with him. I stopped answering his calls and texts and a bit later we met for coffee somewhere. I told him I didn’t feel safe with him. I didn’t use the word ‘rape’. I didn’t think of that as what it was, really at all. What was happening to me didn’t fit what I thought rape was supposed to be like. I thought of it as him “pressuring me into sex” or “not listening when I said no.” Not as bad. He told me he was sorry, and that he couldn’t help it. I said okay. He didn’t stop. A few weeks later, I ended it for good. This is not the last time I was raped, but it will always be the episode that affects me the most. Because the other time, I knew what it was. I realized that I was being raped as I was being raped and that somehow made it easier for me to process. But this episode will never stop affecting me. It has sent me to a psychiatric hospital. I have been treated for depression, anxiety, and PTSD. My sex life will never again be effortless. I will never be able to have full-length mirrors in my bedroom. I will never be able to enjoy the things that he didn’t ask if he could do to me. I can live with these things, because I am strong and my support system never fails me. The part I don’t know that I will be able to get over is that I knew I wasn’t consenting, but I didn’t know it was rape. I hope you do know.

Hi hope this help me in healing in some way, Daughter of Strong Mom & supported by strong sisters still it made me scared when i faced sexual harassment at my office . It was new city new job got so much support from office people around joined this company in Date , shifted to City 1 from City 2 in Date 2 till Date 3 everything was great till that dreadful Date 4 came in i was at my highest & happiest point in my job being HR Manager in that company people being happy everyone being so supportive but i never knew the CEO is harboring ill intention towards me. 1) Date 5: - One fine day CEO called me for one-on-one lunch at restaurant opposite to our office. These 1-1’s are done with core committee members of which I was also a part. During that lunch he asked me personal probing questions like why & when did I get divorced (he already knew about my divorce), how bad my marriage was? Why I have never forgiven my husband? Such questions were too intrusive and made me really uncomfortable. 2) Date 6: - We were in our office and about to leave for home at around Time, CEO, who lives close to my house, for the first time, offered to drop me home. I accepted his offer as it was late, and on the way, he suddenly asked me to join him for a one-on-one dinner at Restaurant which I accepted. During this dinner, CEO spoke unfavourably about my reporting manager and his wife, which made me feel uneasy. He was very demeaning about her work and overall thinking, claiming that she doesn’t understand anything about business and life. 3) Right Next day of this incident: - The following day, in the morning hours of office , CEO saw me and his wife my reporting manager discussing something and immediately called me to his cabin and specifically instructed me not to mention about our dinner on the previous night to his wife as he had told her that he was out dining with a friend. I was caught in a dilemma and didn’t know what to tell her. It was clear that CEO had lied to his wife about our dinner. This event was discomforting to me as I could not understand why he would lie to his wife about this. 4) 2 days later: - CEO asked me & 3 other senior female employees to join for a dinner after office. During this dinner, I received a call from his wife which I missed as I was engrossed in a discussion. Then she made call to one of the other senior female who received her call and informed her that we were all out for dinner with CEO. As soon as he realised this, he was furious and shouted at that senior female employee for receiving his wife’s call and telling her about the dinner plan. This was very weird for me as I could not understand why he would do such a thing. Then other senior female told me that I should not worry about it too much and not take this personally because my reporting manager comes from village mentality so she always doubted CEO & his intentions. After our dinner CEO again offered to drop me home. We were only the two of us in the car wherein He again started demeaning and making derogatory comments about his wife and suggested that I should not share anything with her as she would not understand due to her "small village mentality’’, which again made me uncomfortable. This was the first time when I realised that CEO says such things about his wife to every one at company & people believe him blindly. 5) Date 7: - We had a team dinner party , wherein I was talking to my other colleagues and I did speak a lot to one of the COO that evening, which was observed by CEO who then confronted me and asked me not to befriend anyother COO or spend too much time with them. 6) Same week: - CEO asked me 2nd time to join him for one-on-one dinnerduring which he repeated those negative comments about his wife and specifically mentioned that “she does not love company the way he does” . CEO also claimed that “no one in leadership team understood him due to their orthodox thinking”. He once again offered to drop me home and, on our way, back from dinner. He started touching my shoulders & hands inappropriately, which I immediately told him not to do so and very clearly explained that I am already in relationship & these things are making me very uncomfortable to which he responded saying Ok and stopped doing it then. 7) After couple of days: - He again asked me out for dinner and mentioned that this was his way to apologise for the events that occurred a couple of days ago. He also assured me that he would not drink during the meal. He also apologised during the dinner for his behaviour. During this dinner I clearly expressed my discomfort about being alone with him & refused to go for any more one on one dinners with him. He remained silent and then dropped me back home. 8) In the same week: - After an office party , CEO was drunk and made unwanted advances towards me while driving me back home. He stopped his car on the way to my home, and spoke about how the rest of COO’s were taking advantage of his friendship & sometimes he feels lonely. He then tried to hold my hand and leaned towards me, which made me uncomfortable and I warned him then that I would report him if he continued to behave inappropriately with me. After listening to this he remained silent and dropped me home. After each incident next day he would come & appologise & ask for forgiveness in name of his childrens which really made me in very trapped place those times. 9) Last week of Date 2: - During an office party , I observed CEO was rubbing shoulders of another female junior colleague which made me uncomfortable and furious as I had realised his ill intentions towards me and maybe he was harbouring similar ill intentions towards other female colleagues. I felt helpless and trapped and was not able to explain to others what was happening to me. So, I stormed out of cafeteria & all the rest of the female colleagues came after me to ask why I had left. Then I requested some of the ladies for a smoke break downstairs in which one of Senior employee also accompanied us and enquired about my reaction as to why I came out and was insisting on leaving the party immediately. While we were there till around Time 2, CEO came down and asked Admin Manager, to bring his car around and started insisting that I should get in the car with him so that he can drop me home, to which I shouted that I did not want to be alone in the car with him. Despite my protests, nobody seemed to be listening. I then said that if any other female gets in the car, only then would I get in. Eventually, on eof the lady accompanied me, but even in the car, I was crying and was furious when CEO attempted to touch my shoulder. I told him not to touch me. At that moment, female colleague of mine who was seated in the rear seat, whispered to me, asking why I was reacting like this, stating that he was the CEO and could fire us the next day. We just took a round in the car and came back to the office. I felt helpless and went back upstairs to office cafeteria. He then threatened me not to create a scene and insisted he would drop me home, which he did. Later that same night, I shared these events with my boyfriend, who suggested that I should report this officially and quit my job. 10) Next day only: - I confronted CEO in his office and informed him that I wished to quit my job. He tried to convince me that I had misunderstood everything; but then went on to threaten me that I would face serious consequences if I reported anything, especially to his wife . He also stated that I could never refuse to attend office parties or deny him when he would offer a ride. I realised that I was completely trapped and was being harassed. 11) Same week: - When my boyfriend came to pick me up CEO lterally stopped me & forced me to stay and have dinner with the team at the office cafeteria, but I stood firm and left for the day. 12) Date 8: - CEO asked me to come to his cabin and told me ‘‘we will go to other city as we also have hiring activities scheduled there” to which I immediately asked who else would accompany us during this visit? He then mentioned that “nobody can come as they are all busy with something”. He sensed my hesitation and then clearly said “That he is really attracted tiwards me & want to have sex with me”. Hearing this I immediately left the cabin and went into another cabin where he followed me and tried to convince me. This is where I again made it very clear that I was not interested in anything like this as I was in a committed relationship and that he was crossing the line and making me uncomfortable to which he quickly apologized. However, I no longer felt safe around him and insisted to him that there should be always be another person present whenever I needed to communicate with him as one on one communication with him in his cabin or anywhere else was harassing and uncomfortable. After that incident of me outrightly rejecting his advances, his behaviour towards me took a turn for the worse. He began to disrespect and target me in the presence of the leadership team. Whenever I brought this up as a concern to my reporting manager on any COO's, they dismissed it by saying that when CEO is in a bad mood, he talks like that, and suggested that I should approach him individually to resolve the issue. However, when I tried to ask CEO why was he behaving this way he told me very clearly that it’s his choice to treat someone differently without any reason. 13) Last week of Date 9: - During an HR meeting with the leadership team, he very rudely and incorrectly stated that I do not do my work & simply make up excuses & stories around it. Although I remained quiet at the time, I later expressed to to few of the senior employees at office that I couldn't tolerate this kind of disrespectful behaviour towards me. But they all dismissed it by saying that CEO's behaves like that with everyone, but I told them that I expect to be treated with professional respect. One of the guy even suggested that I take some time off during the upcoming holiday to reflect on how I should be dealing with this toxic behaviour. 14) By next week: - I had to take a sick leave because I wasn't feeling well and was mentally stressed out. On that day, CEO made my reporting manager do a conference call on my phone and in front of her, he upfrontly mocked me for my sick leave. This comment made me feel even more stressed out as it seemed like he was taunting me. Furthermore, whenever he was in the office, he specifically wanted me to be physically present at work even though we follow a hybrid work model, and this caused me additional stress. 15) Month end of Date 9: - I was feeling harassed, disrespected, tortured and trapped and could not take it anymore. I decided to confide in our company Titled Person about CEO's behaviour as we do have POSH law being followed at our company. Even she agreed that CEO behaviour towards me had changed drastically, and asked if I wanted to report it. However, she also questioned how I would prove it and expressed concerns about this ruining CEO family if I were to report it to IC comittee. Her response made me change my mind about reporting the incident, and She personally assured me that she would speak with CEO so that he would not repeat such behaviour towards me again. Although I felt somewhat reassured, looking back, now I realize that I may have been manipulated and should have reported the incident to the LCC at that time itself. 16) Date 10: - During our office photoshoot, post Client Servicing team’s meeting in CEO asked rest of the team to leave and asked only me to stay back & apologised to me one-on one stating that he was having some issues in his personal life due to which he behaved inappropriately with me. I again reminded him that I have already asked to have third person involved in every discussion as I’m not at all comfortable being alone in the same space as him. I also mentioned that I was not interested in his personal life and want to strictly maintain a professional working relationship. 17) Date 11: - CEO continuously insisted that I have alcohol with him during our company's Annual Day Award ceremony , even in front of others, despite my clear refusal. He was literally mocking me in front of the hotel staff at the bar. Later that night, I was conversing with team where CEO came suddenly & stayed back to spend some time with team, during that time one of the guy asked CEO whether it was right or wrong for a married man to have feelings for another woman outside of his marriage. CEO looked at me and stated that he believes it is not wrong to have such feelings, but it depends on whether the woman shares those feelings, and it would not be wrong until they start a relationship. This statement again made me uncomfortable, and I left the room after a few minutes. 18) In Date 12 during my appraisal time: - In CEO's cabin, in my one on one conversation he threatened me again about reporting any personal incidents with anybody, and mentioned that my reporting to Titled Person could have resulted in my termination within two days. He then subtly threatened me to stop reporting things and stated that he had made moves in the past that had caused others to leave company voluntarily. Therefore, if I wanted to secure my job as long as he sits in that chair, I had to do what he says blindly, without giving feedback, asking no questions, and refraining from reporting or sharing things with anyone, particularly with his wife/my reporting Manager. Same evening, we also had a small party in the office cafeteria, while we were in the cafeteria, CEO made a statement in presence of more than 15 employees which was clearly directed at me saying “As a guy, he believes if a guy expresses his feelings to a girl and she says she's not interested or just wants to be friends, it's a tactic from the girl's side to make the guy chase her. This was really frustrating and pathetic to say the least. It made me feel nauseous and uncomfortable again. Later on, I went downstairs with few ladies to smoke and get some fresh air. CEO followed us and asked other ladies to share smoke. During that time, he looked at me and made a comment, "Remember last time when we were standing here, she was crying. She was sad that day, wasn't she?" One of the female employee corrected him, saying that” I was angry but didn't share the reason why”. CEO then looked at me and asked me “why I was angry”. It made me feel like he was mocking me, and all the negative memories came rushing back. I simply replied that” I didn't want to talk about it” and left the party shortly after. 19) Coming Monday: - I resigned from my position and had a detailed one-on-one conversation with bothTitled Person & My reporting Manager where I explained the harassment I had been experiencing since Date 1. My reporting manager acknowledged that she had suspected something was happening and had confronted CEO about it, but he denied everything. My reporting manager/ his wife now had proof and asked me to confront him with her as there have been issues in their married life & they have been in counselling where she always failed to prove what CEO/her hisband is doing wrong, for this I reminded her that as my reporting manager, I was sharing my reasons and asked if she could guarantee my safety, to which she couldn't give an answer. Therefore,they both requested me to write everything in an email only keeping it marked to them & CC to CEO & not to keep any other COO’s marked in mail and let both pf them conduct an investigation or discussion. As it had become a hostile work environment for me, I felt that my only option was to resign.They never did any investigation or discussion i just left in one day not stating any reason to the team which later made other employees reaching out to me as they all were being told that i was not able to handly my job responsibilities so i just left. After this incident it was almost 7 days i just locked myself in my bedroom not able to eat sleep properly as i was so depressed then my friends suggested to take help from counsellor & should report it to rigth authority which i did, after few days some former female employees contacted me and shared that harassment cases have been occurring in that company for a long time by other male employees too, but no one wants to report them as the people in leadership and some old employees including old female employees are also involved in covering up such cases. The harassment I experienced has left me severely depressed and caused me to lose significant achievements in my career, ultimately resulting in me losing my job. All of this is simply because I refused to engage in any of sexual advances. It is so sad & unfortunate that we are still not getting right support to face such sexal harassments & even females are nbeing part of covering up such harrassments. Hope the enquiry done by authorities yield some positive result but till now their is no response of notice sent to company's CEO, he is living freely & do no care as he is also aware that no body will stand with victim as his own wife can not take stand. I only wish if women become more stronger & authentic in helping each other.

I met him when we were in kindergarten. We easily became best friends. Few years later when I was 9 he tried to help me (I was in one of my first depression episodes) and he kinda did? I felt little bit better when he was around. Its how it started. But our relation didn't end well. It was few years later, we were about to finish primary school. I was 13 and he 15. Few days earlier I lost all my other friends, we had big fight. He offered I can stay in his house so my mom wouldn't be sad that I'm all alone again. I agreed, my mom had enough troubles because of my depression, I didn't want her to worry even more. So I went to his house, his mom wasn't there. He offered me to choose movie which we could watch. And then everything ended. He started touching me, even if I told him I don't want everything. I knew he had sex with other girls but I was 13 and didn't want to do it. However, he didn't care what I was saying. It took 4 hours for him to leave me alone. I was crying, I was screaming but he didn't want to listen. To stop. So 4 hours later when he finally ended in me I just sat on couch and didn't want to believe what really happened. Next few months I was trying to forget, I didn't tell anyone. I though that if I won't think and talk about this I forget. I was trying to tell myself nothing had ever happened. But when my great grandmother asked me (she was raped too when she was in my age) I couldn't lie anymore. It took few more years for me to tell my parents. And few next to tell my therapist. And now, many many years after that night I still can't forget. I don't know if I ever will be able to forget. When it happened I started to heal from my depression. Now I'm not able to live normally. I feel like that night took part of me from me. And I'll never get it again. Even if it happened years ago I still remember perfectly. I still can feel his touch on me when I'm going to bed. I see him in everyone. I'm afraid I'll never feel safe again.

When i was about 12-13 years old, me and my twinsister used to hang out a lot with the girl that lived next door. She was a few years older (she was 16 i believe) and i looked up to her a lot. I thought she was cool and loved that she wanted to play with us. She would sometimes babysit when our parents were away. So overall we had a pretty good relationship i guess. One time, we (me and my twinsister) were sleeping over at the neighbours and sleeping in the girl's room together. Normally that would just be the three of us, but this time for some reason her brother and his best friend were also sleeping in the same room. Both of the guys were about 17 years old. It started out alright but at some point (either the girl or the boys, i don't remember) suggested playing a game. I didn't really know much about sex at that time, but what they suggested as a game was to have oral sex with the guys. The neighbour girl took me and my sister to a seperate room for a bit, and explained what oral sex was and had us sort of "practice" that on a pencil for a bit. After that we returned to the girl's bedroom. At this point, i don't remember much of what happened (if anything more happened), i just remember at some point being upset and crying. I keep struggling to deal with this memory and often it doesn't even feel valid to call it abuse or even trauma. But i know i was very uncomfortable and overwhelmed. I don't know if what happened counts as COCSA. I recently just learned about this word so. It's all very confusing, but whenever i think about that memory now, i feel very uncomfortable and anxious.

i was fifteen when the very first boy i dated raped me. and then i turned sixteen, i got into another relationship (with someone i trusted even more than my first ex) and he also raped me. and every time i slept, i thought the rape would swallow me in whole because i didn't feel like i was really living after. however, i'm not their ex. i'm not a rape victim. i'm a survivor. i have a name. and the only thing that'll engulf my shores are the waves of healing drowning my sorrows away. i am in a healthy relatiuonship now, two years after all of that, and i am so proud of myself. i'm working everyday trying not to guilt trip myself over experiencing real and consensual pleasure and at the same time getting justice for myself (in my own way) for the fact that i was too scared to report back then.

I'm a male survivor, primarily of female abuse. I'm a little nervous - wait - no I'm actually scared to share here since it's mixed-gendered. I found a wonderful website specifically for men, but I've never had a positive experience elsewhere. Hoping to be supported by both men and women. I've been waking up crying in the morning a lot lately and having dissociative episodes. And I can't keep wondering again if I'm even still a man. Did I have a right to say no? Anyway I don't know what else to write, but thanks for reading this.