How to support survivors and be an ally

Thank you for your question. If you have not experienced any form of gender-based harm, it might be hard to imagine why survivors who go through these horrific experiences do not always report them.  Unfortunately, due to the characteristics of one's sexual harm experience, the lack of protection for survivors, and historical injustices within the criminal-legal system, gender-based violence is the most underreported crime. For example, it is estimated that 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police and only 12% of child sexual abu...

Thank you so much for this question. We really appreciate you reaching out to find out how to best support the healing of your girlfriend. When your girlfriend shared her experience of sexual assault with you, she placed a great deal of trust in you. It's important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and understanding. 

Thank you for asking this question to us. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Being disbelieved is one of the most painful experiences a survivor can face, and when it comes from people you trusted (especially your best friend) that betrayal cuts incredibly deep. What you're describing is unfortunately common, and I want you to know that the fact people believed him says nothing about the truth of what happened to you. It says everything about how our society has been conditioned to respond to disclosures of sexual violence.

Thank you for this question and for wanting to strengthen your advocacy for survivors of sexual harm. Becoming an effective advocate against sexual violence is a meaningful way to support survivors and contribute to positive change in society. Here are some ways you can start...

Simply put, human trafficking is compelled service. It occurs when a person is compelled into service for profit. Labor trafficking and sex trafficking are the two most commonly seen forms of human trafficking in the United states. Labor trafficking can occur in almost any industry; including begging, domestic servitude, industrial fishing, agriculture, construction, hospitality, landscaping, and health & beauty. Sex trafficking can occur in a variety of venues, such as massage parlors, truck stops, brothels, strip clubs, hotels/motel...

When a survivor discloses a sexual assault experience to you, it can often be difficult to know how to respond appropriately. While every situation is different, the following are suggestions from survivors and their advocates. First, listen. Rather than starting with doubt, start by believing. Allow the survivor to lead the conversation. Match the terminology of the survivor and do not label their experience for them. Avoid asking questions and let the survivor know you are glad that they told you. It is important to recognize that silence is...

Thank you for reaching out about this serious situation. When someone fears for their life due to gender-based violence or intimate partner violence, immediate action is crucial.  For immediate danger situations, your safety must come first. If you believe you're in immediate danger, call emergency services (911 in the US) without hesitation. Many people worry about "overreacting," but when it comes to your safety, it's better to err on the side of caution.

One way to end something is to try to stop it before it even begins. Showing up for people you know and people you don't know when you feel a situation is unsafe could look like interrupting the situation by creating a distraction, notifying an authority or trusted professional, or asking the person in concern directly if they feel safe.

Gender-based violence (GBV) is a global health concern and human rights issue. GBV is violence against an individual based on the individual's literal or recognized sex, gender identity, or sexual orientation. GBV is influenced by societal expectations and gendered power dynamics and can encompass such acts as intimate partner violence, sexual violence, child abuse, and stalking. GBV can take many forms, including physical, emotional, economic, and sexual abuse.

Thank you for asking this question. The first thing we want to emphasize is that whether or not your loved one chooses to report their gender-based violence experience is ultimately up to them.  It is essential to respect their autonomy, recognizing that forcing them to report may enhance their distress. Supporting survivors in their decision-making, providing non-coercive assistance, and fostering environments of trust and empowerment are vital to ensure you continue to be a supportive healing presence that they know they can turn to goi...

Everyone can play a crucial role in supporting victims and survivors of gender-based violence. While there are many things you can do, here are two specific strategies. The first strategy is to believe and validate survivors when they share their experiences. This involves listening without judgment, avoiding questions that might imply doubt, and explicitly stating belief in their story. Simple phrases like "I believe you" and "It's not your fault" can be incredibly powerful and help counteract the self-doubt and shame that many survivors stru...

Online grooming is a serious issue that can have long-lasting effects on the mental health and well-being of people who experience it. It is not uncommon for those who have experienced grooming to find themselves in a pattern of seeking out similar abusive relationships. This behavior can be attributed to a variety of factors, including low self-esteem, a distorted perception of what constitutes a healthy relationship, and unresolved trauma.

I'm really sorry to hear about what your friend went through. It can be incredibly upsetting and confusing when a parent crosses a boundary like that, and what happened to your friend was absolutely inappropriate and concerning behavior. Many parents do have intense reactions when they discover their children have been exposed to sexual content or conversations, often stemming from fear, protective instincts, or their own discomfort with sexuality topics. Parents may panic and react poorly when they feel their child's safety or innocence is at...

Muchas gracias por esta pregunta. Lamento profundamente el dolor que está atravesando su familia. La situación que ha soportado su hija es verdaderamente horrible e inimaginable. Como su madre, su función principal es brindarle amor incondicional, creerle y apoyarla. Valídela haciéndole saber que lo que le sucedió no fue en absoluto su culpa. La total responsabilidad recae en el terapeuta que explotó su posición de poder y abusó de la confianza depositada en él de la manera...

Thank you so much for this question. When a survivor discloses a sexual assault experience to you, it can often be difficult to know how to respond and support them appropriately. While every situation is different, the following are suggestions from survivors and their advocates. 

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. It must be incredibly difficult and heart-wrenching to witness your mother being hurt by both your sister and father. What you're experiencing is deeply traumatic, and your feelings of helplessness are completely understandable, especially when cultural and societal pressures make taking action seem complicated. Your concern for your mother's safety shows tremendous love and strength, and how much you care for her.

We appreciate you reaching out with this question and understand how confusing it can be to navigate this kind of disclosure from someone you care about. It's completely natural to want to understand what happened and what it means, both for your boyfriend's younger cousin and for your relationship.

Thank you for trusting us with something this heavy. What you are carrying right now is an enormous amount to hold. The fact that you are trying to think through this carefully rather than simply reacting says a lot about who you are. To repeat what you already stated, what your partner did to his sister was abuse. He was older, he had more power in that relationship, and what he caused her to do and what he did to her body were serious violations. Naming that clearly is not the same as condemning him as a person beyond all understanding. It j...

Supporting survivors of gender-based violence requires both individual awareness and collective action rooted in respect for survivor autonomy and safety. One of the most impactful strategies is becoming an informed bystander who can recognize warning signs and respond appropriately when situations arise. This means learning about the dynamics of abuse, understanding that leaving an abusive situation is often the most dangerous time for a survivor, and knowing how to offer support without judgment or pressure. When someone discloses their expe...

Thank you for being here. What you are carrying right now is a lot. You told your mom something true and painful about yourself and she did not believe you. Now you have information that directly affects someone you care about and you are trying to figure out whether it is even worth trying again. That is not a simple position to be in.

Thank you for asking this question. It can be extremely challenging to witness someone in your life struggling with intimate partner or domestic violence, particularly if they have financial or family constraints that makes leaving the situation challenging. While it is important to respect their choice to stay, there are many things you can do to support them.

Thank you so much for reaching out. The fact that you are asking these questions tells me you love her and want to understand. That is a good thing. Before I move through everything you asked, I want to speak directly to something you said, because it runs through all of it.

Thank you for reaching out with such care and concern for your partner. Learning that someone you love has experienced sexual trauma, especially during childhood and by a family member, can feel overwhelming. Your desire to support both her healing and potential pursuit of justice shows deep commitment.

Thank you for reaching out with such an important question. Your concern for your friend shows what a compassionate and thoughtful person you are. They are fortunate to have someone like you in their life. Supporting a friend who has experienced sexual assault requires compassion, patience, and understanding. First and foremost, believe your friend unconditionally. This validation is crucial, as survivors often face doubt or minimization of their experiences from others. Let your friend know you're there for them without judgment or pressure,...

What a horrible and nightmarish situation thank you so much for trusting us with this. What you're carrying right now, the not knowing alongside the fear of it becoming public, is one of the heaviest combinations a parent can hold. You did the hard, right thing by calling the police and handing over that phone instead of trying to investigate it yourself. That is worth showing yourself some gratitude for.

Thank you for trusting us with this. You're not imagining that thread running through three generations. It's real and you've clearly been paying attention to it for a long time. Trauma that never gets processed doesn't just sit quietly somewhere. It reorganizes a person from the inside, changes how they hold their body, how they relate to people, how their nervous system reads danger years after the actual danger is gone. Your mom's scrubbing, her composure, her staying friendly with the person who hurt her, all of that is survival. It's a st...

Thank you for sharing this complex and sensitive family situation. Your concern for both your sister-in-law and brother-in-law, as well as your desire to understand the nuances of this difficult topic, is commendable. First and foremost, it's crucial to validate your sister-in-law's experience and the trauma she's carrying. Her disclosure took immense courage, and it's important that she feels heard and supported. I want to emphasize that your sister-in-law has the absolute right to label and describe her experience in whatever way feels most...

Wow. What a terrible situation. I am so sorry this happened. I hear how deeply affected you are by this and I want to acknowledge how overwhelming it must feel to process this news while being physically distant from her. It's completely normal to feel lost, empty, and changed by learning about a loved one's traumatic experience. Your struggle with these feelings shows how much you care about her. While she might say she's "okay" and that you shouldn't stress, it's natural for you to be concerned. Trauma affects not only the survivor but also...