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I recently had my first gynecological examination. The experience was stressful for several reasons. The doctor seemed physically aggressive during the exam, in my opinion. I had difficulty staying still due to nervousness. Despite my request, the doctor didn't consistently warn me before touching me. I felt scared that I might be forcibly restrained. I understand that the examination wasn't sexual in nature, but I'm unsure how to process this experience. Are my feelings of discomfort and uncertainty justified? How should I interpret this situation?

Dr. Laura

Answer by Dr. Laura

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Thank you for sharing your experience with your first gynecological exam. I want to start by affirming that your feelings of discomfort and uncertainty are absolutely valid and justified. Medical examinations, especially first-time gynecological exams, can be stressful, and it's important that healthcare providers take their patients' comfort and concerns seriously.

It's crucial to understand that all people, regardless of their trauma history, deserve trauma-informed care. Trauma-informed care is an approach that recognizes the widespread impact of trauma. It recognizes the signs and symptoms of trauma in patients, families, and staff, and responds by fully integrating knowledge about trauma into policies, procedures, and practices. In a medical setting, this might include:

1. Explaining procedures clearly before they happen
2. Asking for consent before touching the patient
3. Being attentive to signs of discomfort or distress
4. Offering breaks or pauses during the examination
5. Providing options to the patient to increase their sense of control

Your experience raises concerns that indicate your needs were not adequately met during this appointment. The lack of sensitivity to your nervousness, the perceived physical aggression, the failure to communicate as promised, and your fear of being restrained all suggest that trauma-informed care principles were not fully applied.

Moving forward, know that you have options. You can discuss your experience with a trusted adult, provide feedback to the doctor's office if you feel comfortable doing so, and for future exams, you have the right to request a different doctor, ask for detailed explanations of procedures, or even stop the exam if you feel too uncomfortable. Some people find it helpful to have a supportive person in the room during exams, while others prefer privacy. Consider what would make you most comfortable in the future.

Remember, your comfort and mental well-being are important aspects of your overall health care. It's okay to advocate for yourself and to expect healthcare providers to respect your needs and boundaries. If you continue to feel distressed about this experience, speaking with a counselor or therapist might be helpful in processing your feelings. Everyone deserves respectful, trauma-informed care in all medical settings. Take care of yourself, and don't hesitate to seek support if you need it. We appreciate you trusting us with your story.

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Grounding activity

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1. Where am I?

2. What day of the week is today?

3. What is today’s date?

4. What is the current month?

5. What is the current year?

6. How old am I?

7. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.