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How do you navigate the feeling that you'll never get past your trauma?? Feeling frustrated because of it.

Dr. Laura

Answer by Dr. Laura

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Thank you for reaching out to us. I hear how heavy and frustrating this feels for you right now. You are not alone. Living with trauma can sometimes feel like carrying a weight that just won't lift, and it's completely understandable to feel discouraged and frustrated when it seems like it's affecting everything in your life.

You know those moments when it feels like everyone else is moving forward while you're still working through this? That's such a lonely feeling, and I want you to know you're not alone in experiencing this. Many survivors, including myself, have felt that same fear that the impact of trauma will always be there, always affecting our choices and relationships.

When you're in that place of feeling like you'll never move past this, try to be gentle with yourself. Think about it - your brain and body developed these responses to help you survive. They're not character flaws or signs that you're broken - they're proof of your strength and resilience, even though they might not feel that way right now.

Something that might help when these feelings get really intense is reminding yourself: "I'm not starting over, I'm starting from experience." Every time you work through a hard day, every time you reach out (like you're doing right now), every time you choose to keep going despite feeling frustrated - that's not just surviving, that's actively healing.

Have you noticed any tiny moments, even just seconds, where you've felt different? Maybe a morning where you woke up feeling a bit more like yourself, or a moment where you caught yourself feeling joy unexpectedly? Those moments matter. They're like little windows showing us that change is possible, even when it feels impossibly slow.

You're allowed to feel frustrated with this process. You're allowed to wish it was moving faster. And you're also allowed to celebrate the small steps, even if they feel insignificant compared to where you want to be. 

While I wish I had all the answers, what I do want you to feel after reading this post is just some hope that healing is possible. And that you are not alone. While your trauma may always play a role in your life, over time, its influence will feel less and less as you discover more about what makes you who you are.

Thank you for trusting us with this. We are here for you.

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1. Where am I?

2. What day of the week is today?

3. What is today’s date?

4. What is the current month?

5. What is the current year?

6. How old am I?

7. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.