He stole my trust.

It happened on a normal night. My boyfriend and I were going over to his brother-in-law's house for a bonfire. He is going through a divorce so we have been trying to be there more for him. He had bought some of my favorite alcohol. As the talking progressed he kept encouraging me to drink more. I did. I drank almost half the bottle of whisky. My boyfriend noticed I was getting a bit tipsy and we all went inside. After only 15 minutes he decided that it was time for us to go. So my boyfriend left me inside while he grabbed our lawn chairs and packed up the truck. He left me inside with his brother in law I can't blame him for what happened next. We both trusted him. He was the type of guy you would call if your car broke down and you needed a ride. He was always genuinely a good guy. I was to the point where everything was a bit foggy. I remember his body over mine and him saying “come here”. He kissed me. I didn't know what to do. I saw him as an almost father figure he was almost a decade older than me. He lifted the two sweaters saying “lets see these things” He started molesting my right breast. He sucked and pinched it. I felt dirty. I couldn't move. I was frozen in fear of what would happen if I did. I had been raped before in high school. I had told him that. I felt like my heart was breaking. I went into shock. I felt like I couldn't breathe right. I heard the door open and felt my sweaters being pulled back into place. I blacked out then. I don't remember even leaving the house or what I said to him but as soon as I got to my boyfriend's truck, I started crying. I remember saying “He kissed me” over and over. My boyfriend thought I meant it was just a kiss on the cheek on the way out. I felt disgusting. I couldn't shake the feeling. I wanted more than anything that feeling to go away. The next morning he had the nerve to ask if I remembered anything and if I wanted to come over. Weeks later that gross itchy feeling is still there. My boyfriend understands exactly what happened. We haven't been out since. We have cut all ties to this man. At the expense of having everyone in the family question why. I can't bring myself to tell anyone. I've been looked at as the victim before and I hate that feeling. It's hard to talk about. I have to drive past his house and the living room where it happened every day to get to work and it sends me into an almost panicked state. I don't know what to do to feel normal again. I feel lost. I want someone to read this and know what happened. I can't tell anyone without messing up my life. So I'm hoping that the one person reading this can relate to their trust being broken, can relate to the feeling of emptiness inside, relate to that feeling of disgust you may have with yourself, or with your body.