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Survivor story
No Longer Name's Victim.
Original story
Message to a Survivor
Trans ethnic adoption is a form of abuse. Finding your way back to your true home is possible no matter who has tried to get in your way.
Message of Healing
Getting away from my Name, her children, and my adoptive family. Healing means embracing my Korean culture, my ability to take care of my health, caring for my amazing dog, appreciating nature, learning language, recovering from eating disorders brought on by abuse, and hopefully finding a man who I can love the world together with.
My adoptive sister who was much older than me abused me. She abused me when I was a toddler on. I did not remember this and disassociated for a long time until I met my birth mother and memories came flooding in. She used to make me touch her sexually, I was a tiny child. As I got older she would stonewall and give silent treatment when I did not want to interact with her. She would leave sexually explicit things for me to find. She would expose me to violent and explicit music from a young age and drive in dangerous ways with me in the car. She would humiliate me verbally in front of guys that she knew I was interested in as well as ex boyfriends, this began very early on as well. When I got on my feet and found empowerment in education and community she would follow me, copy me, befriend people my age, and even show up at places I was at. One of the later triggering things about her abuse is that her children have both been treated like I was, being exposed to explicit things very young, sleeping with her, and also being bullies. They’re only kids and they make fun of disabled people, make fun of me, and it’s all a reiteration of wondering if I will ever escape the trauma of her abuse.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.