When I was 11-12, I had an uncomfortable experience with an adult instructor during exercise classes. This person made me feel uneasy with their looks and touches, which seemed inappropriate and went beyond what was necessary for instruction or first aid. They restricted my movement and made comments about my appearance that made me uncomfortable. This experience has been bothering me for a long time, and I'm struggling to process it. I'm unsure if this could be considered sexual assault or if I'm overreacting to the situation. Part of me wonders if this person was just doing their job, but another part feels violated. I also question whether I should have reacted differently, like calling for help. Additionally, I'm confused about having conflicting feelings about this experience and whether that's normal. I'm finding it difficult to interpret what happened and how to cope with my feelings about it. Any guidance on how to understand and process this situation would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience. It takes courage to open up about such a sensitive and troubling situation. First and foremost, it's important to recognize that what you experienced was not okay. An adult in a position of authority should never make a child feel uncomfortable or engage in inappropriate touching or comments. Your feelings of unease and violation are valid.

Based on your description, this situation goes beyond normal instruction or first aid and could indeed be considered a form of sexual assault or abuse. However, it's crucial to understand that only you can ultimately label your experiences and decide how they've affected you. Your feelings and perceptions are valid, regardless of how others might interpret the situation. It's also important to note that if you don't view this experience as traumatic, that's okay too. Everyone processes experiences differently, and there's no "right" way to feel about what happened to you.

It's important to acknowledge the power dynamics at play in sports and exercise contexts. Instructors hold a position of authority over their students, especially when working with minors. This inherent imbalance can make it particularly challenging for young people to question or resist inappropriate behavior. Instructors are expected to maintain professional boundaries and prioritize the safety and well-being of their students.

As a child, you were not responsible for the adult's actions, nor were you expected to know how to react in such a confusing and frightening situation. Many people, especially children, freeze or feel unable to call for help when faced with abuse. This is a normal response and does not make you at fault in any way.

It's common for survivors of childhood abuse to have conflicting feelings or to question their experiences. This doesn't mean you're overreacting or that what happened wasn't serious. Your brain may be trying to make sense of a traumatic event, which can lead to confusion and self-doubt. These are normal responses to abnormal situations.

Processing these experiences can be challenging, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. Consider reaching out to a trauma-informed therapist or counselor who specializes in childhood abuse or inappropriate behavior in sports contexts. They can provide you with tools to cope with your feelings and help you work through this experience in a safe, supportive environment, whether you view it as traumatic or not.

Remember, your feelings are valid, and you deserve support. It's never too late to seek help if you feel you need it, and healing is possible. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this journey, whatever form that may take for you. Thank you for reaching out to us. You are not alone.