I've been experiencing intrusive thoughts about a childhood memory. When I was 6-7, my friend and I played make-believe on the school bus where one was the 'boyfriend' and one the 'girlfriend.' During this play, I suggested we go under the bus seat, and I told her to touch my knee and say she was 'humping' my leg, which she did. I recently reconnected with this friend and asked if I'd made her uncomfortable, and she said she didn't remember it and we were 'just kids.' After this conversation, she stopped responding to my messages, which has triggered intense anxiety. I suspect I have OCD (undiagnosed) and have become consumed with worry about whether I did something harmful as a child or in reaching out to her now. Do I actually have anything to be worried about, or is this my anxiety? I feel like I might have ruined my life.

Thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences so openly with us. What you've described is a very common experience of childhood play that falls well within the range of normal developmental behavior. Children around ages 5-7 often engage in role-playing games like "house" or "boyfriend/girlfriend" as they begin to make sense of adult relationships they observe in the world around them. The behavior you described - suggesting your friend touch your knee and using a word you had heard but didn't understand - represents typical childhood curiosity rather than harmful behavior.

When children engage in this type of play at similar ages and developmental stages, without coercion or understanding of sexual meaning, it's considered normal exploratory behavior. Reflecting on childhood memories with the understanding we have as adults, however, can sometimes be confusing and unsettling. It's common for children to mimic words or actions they've heard without fully grasping their meanings or implications. The incident you described sounds like innocent childhood exploration rather than something malicious or harmful.

Some of these feelings you are describing might be consistent with OCD patterns, particularly moral or harm OCD, which can cause excessive doubt, rumination, and seeking reassurance about past actions. Please talk to a healthcare professional about the intense anxiety, persistent worrying despite multiple reassurances, and the feeling that you need absolute certainty that you are describing-- those are often hallmark symptoms.

Your friend's initial response that she wasn't upset and "we were just kids" is significant. While her lack of response afterward might be triggering your anxiety, there are many possible explanations - she might be busy, she might not check Facebook regularly, or she simply might not have anything more to add to the conversation. Sometimes people become less responsive for reasons entirely unrelated to us.

It's clear that you care deeply about others' feelings, as shown by your efforts to reconnect with your friend and ensure she wasn't adversely affected by the past. This demonstrates your compassionate nature, but in this case, the evidence strongly suggests your childhood behavior was developmentally normal and your adult actions in reaching out were motivated by genuine care.

Please be gentle with yourself. You deserve peace of mind and freedom from these distressing thoughts. You have the right to find joy in the things you love and to live without the weight of this worry. Your family and friends care about you, and it's okay to lean on them for support as you navigate this difficult time. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and taking care of your well-being is important. Thank you for trusting us with this.