Survivor story

how to breathe after sexual trauma

Original story

Message of Healing

it's true what they say; healing isn't linear. healing is a messy room and sometimes laying in it for long enough to know being uncomfortable for too long means it's time for a change. it means that it's okay to avoid pools and beaches if you're afraid of water, but after a while, knowing that it's okay to dip your toes in again when you're ready. and even if you can't do it now, it doesn't mean no one will ever love someone that's afraid to go swimming.

i was fifteen when the very first boy i dated raped me. and then i turned sixteen, i got into another relationship (with someone i trusted even more than my first ex) and he also raped me. and every time i slept, i thought the rape would swallow me in whole because i didn't feel like i was really living after. however, i'm not their ex. i'm not a rape victim. i'm a survivor. i have a name. and the only thing that'll engulf my shores are the waves of healing drowning my sorrows away. i am in a healthy relatiuonship now, two years after all of that, and i am so proud of myself. i'm working everyday trying not to guilt trip myself over experiencing real and consensual pleasure and at the same time getting justice for myself (in my own way) for the fact that i was too scared to report back then.

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