Is numerous cheek kisses and words of affection that were non-violent and a way of showing respect and admiration to the other person child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)? He was an older teen and I was around 5 or 6 years old. He put me on his lap in church.

Thank you for sharing this sensitive experience. Based on the details you've shared and the way you've framed them, this interaction does not appear to meet the criteria for child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). COCSA typically involves more explicitly sexual behaviors or interactions that are clearly beyond age-appropriate curiosity or affection.

The behavior you've described - cheek kisses, words of affection, and lap-sitting in a church setting - can be normal, non-sexual forms of affection in many cultures, especially between family members or close family friends, even with age differences. The fact that you've described these actions as "non-violent" and "a way of showing respect and admiration" suggests that they were not perceived as sexually motivated or inappropriate at the time. However, only you can label your experiences.

It's important to note that the significant age difference between you (5-6 years old) and an older teen does create a power imbalance that complicates the situation. While the actions themselves may not constitute abuse, if these interactions made you uncomfortable or have caused you distress, your feelings are valid and deserve attention, regardless of how we label the experience.

When considering such experiences, it's helpful to reflect on several factors. The intent behind the older teen's behavior is important - whether it was meant to be sexual or was a cultural or familial expression of affection. The frequency and context of these interactions also matter, whether they were isolated incidents or part of a pattern of behavior. Your own feelings about the interactions, both at the time and in retrospect, are crucial. It's also important to consider whether your personal boundaries were respected if you ever expressed discomfort.

If you're struggling with these memories or their impact on you, it may be helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor. They can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and experiences without judgment, helping you process and understand them better. Remember, your feelings about this experience are valid, regardless of how others might perceive it. It's okay if your feelings are complex or have changed over time. The most important thing is your well-being and how you process and move forward from this experience. Thank you so much for reaching out to us with this. You are not alone.