I’m suffering a lot because of something that happened back in October 2024. Me and my “friend” had a sleepover and we drank a lot. I got blackout drunk, only remembering a few things, but she was more sober as she can handle alcohol way better than me. I don’t even know how it started but I asked her a few days after for everything that happened and she seemed to remember everything. She told me we were recreating past sexual experiences. I do remember a bit of this, she had my legs on her shoulders and she was doing the action of thrusting in me. (We were fully clothes). And then it’s blank and I’m somehow on top of her with my fingers in her mouth, (she told me that this was after “we wanted to see how much our throat could handle”. Then it’s blank for me but for her she told me that I started touching her boobs (which I don’t remember at all) and she told me that she asked me something but I didn’t respond, and then she’s on top of me while I’m fingering her. After this she got off the bed and went to take a shower and I was still laying down looking up at the ceiling in a trance, but then I sat up and threw up in my trash can. When she got out of the shower she was like “omg we just had sex” and I was like “what”. After this the whole night was me crying and throwing up a lot. Ever since it happened I’ve been struggling with it, I keep having a lot of flashbacks and I just feel so disgusted at myself. And idk how to label this because for her it was nothing and she said that it was something normal between friends. But it left me scarred and even brought up my childhood trauma.