--- title: Escaping a control freak ~ Our Wave Community description: He planted spyware on my phone and computer that gave him full access to my life - calls, texts, contacts, photos, browsing activities, location. He couldn’t... url: https://api.ourwave.org/en/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇺🇸 ##### Survivor story # Escaping a control freak Original story He planted spyware on my phone and computer that gave him full access to my life - calls, texts, contacts, photos, browsing activities, location. He couldn’t stand not having power over me and my life when I broke up with him. As if he thought I was an object he owned by doing kind things that he gradually bought and paid for. The kindness was never real, it was just him justifying his eventual perceived ownership of me. He used to tell me his favorite person is Robert Greene. I would later learn he is the author of 48 Laws of Power, a book about obtaining total power over people by manipulating them. When I saw how he became a completely different person around his friends it was honestly terrifying. As if the person I had spent 3 months getting to know was never actually the real person. It was scary. After dumping him he went scorched earth: sabotaging my job search, harassing me and my family after a sibling died, sabotaging my education, and eventually sabotaging my career. Literally 6 years later and he has still went through my new phone after getting another one, having no social media and no life to get away from him. This weekend I went on a day trip 3 hours away from where he lives with someone new I was seeing. Sure enough I see him driving up there on our way back. Apparently he did the same to the partner he had before me he claimed he “found” with someone else (he was actually stalking her). He can’t handle the thought of being unable to control me to compensate for his complete lack of control he has over himself. Below are my personal thoughts on the past 6 years of being tortured by this person (from me to him, since he has hacked multiple of my phones he is likely reading this anyway): I am sorry that when my family member died you thought it was more important to have attention from me and supply instead of letting me heal. To the point you destroyed my computer with spyware, lied about our breakup, and ran a smear campaign against me. I am sorry I went to a better university than you (even though you harassed me and sabotaged my education the whole time I was there to the point I had to get an attorney). I am sorry I got into a real CS program and you didn’t so you had to minor in IT and major in something else. Or worse that you were so bothered by it you couldn’t handle me being able to independently pursue my education in it without you harassing me the entire time. I am sorry your mom left when you were younger and instead of seeking therapy you take your anger out on me, sabotaging my healing and success. Apparently childhood abandonment is the catalyst for narcissistic personality disorder. I am sorry you blame your drug and alcohol addictions on me instead of seeking treatment and going to rehab. I am sorry you were fired for incompetence at your first real programming job so you think its acceptable to be jealous of my tech career and sabotage it. I am sorry the only way you are able to feel anything is by trying to control people and have power over them. To the point you are willing to crush the good in life just to mean something, anything, to anyone. What will you do when you can’t access my life anymore? What will you do when I leave and you can’t find me again? Will you turn back to hurting people, destroying everything around you and drinking or finally wake up and get it? No one thinks you are a sophisticated hacker, a genius, an intellectual, or that you have any substance. Underneath it all you are an angry man who can’t get over the fact that multiple women including your own mother left you. It will keep happening and you will never be satisfied until you change. You are in your 40s so this is what the rest of your life will be like until you wake up. You want power? Stop thinking about how everyone around you owes you this or that and what will benefit you. You will never be full and you will continue draining people your whole life. Move on, go to rehab, and think about the people you hurt while you are there so you don’t do it anymore. Random Story [ 2 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867#comments) - Report #### Just Checking... #### Discard Message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay [\[Image: United States\]United States](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=pa)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867?country=ve) English [English](/en/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867)[Español](/es/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867)[日本語](/ja/story/escaping-a-control-freak-1867) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with the community. 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Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready