--- title: Abused by my stepfather and not believed - Now trying to learn how to heal and recover ~ Our Wave Community description: I was first abused by my stepfather in my early 20s, he took the opportunity while my Mom, sister and niece were away in (theme park) and molested me. I was... url: https://api.ourwave.org/en/story/abused-by-my-stepfather-and-not-believed-now-trying-to-learn-how-to-heal-and-recover-1911.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us [1 new update](/en/story/abused-by-my-stepfather-and-not-believed-now-trying-to-learn-how-to-heal-and-recover-1911#updates) 🇮🇪 ##### Survivor story # Abused by my stepfather and not believed - Now trying to learn how to heal and recover A few days later ##### Non belief leads to additional trauma and suffering I forgot to mention that some family members, siblings of my Mom have insinuated that I was in a relationship with my stepfather. The thing to remember here is that he came into my life when I was a young teenager and only began abusing me in my early twenties. I personally feel this is their way of shifting blame from them to me. At no stage in the latter period of extended abuse did they check in or see how I was coping. Personally I feel the non belief of my abuse in my twenties and later in my thirties and forties compounded my suffering and re traumatised me. If anything not being believed is actually worse than the abuse itself. Coming to terms with the lack of belief in my trauma has added to my pain and anguish. Original story ##### Message to a Survivor Never hesitate to reach out for support, the first time I did that a few months ago, I felt a weight lifting off me for the first time in years. Even though it will be difficult, it is so worth it! ##### Message of Healing Healing means getting some confidence back in myself, and rebuilding my life so that I am not solely focused on others and their wellbeing, but learn how to prioritize me and how I can heal and recover. I was first abused by my stepfather in my early 20s, he took the opportunity while my Mom, sister and niece were away in theme park and molested me. I was taken aback, and had no idea what to do or how to process it. I was scared to tell my Mom and anybody else for fear I wouldn't be believed. I eventually admitted it to my Mom, and went to stay with friends, as I didn't want to be around him at all, and did not feel safe. I was afraid it would go further and that he would rape me. I was very clear with my Mom, I told her that I would not return to the house if he was there, she let him back, so I moved to stay with another relative and subsequently moved out altogether, I had very little contact and refused to return home while he was still there. My Mom found me a counsellor to help me talk about what had happened. I went to her for a number of years. I had issues with family members and friends believing me when I disclosed what happened to me, they insinuated that as it was only assault, it was not that serious. I found this very difficult to take, and it probably made me more reticent about talking about what had happened. About period of time later, the divorce referendum was successfully enacted and my Mom and stepfather were going to marry. My counsellor told me that if I didn't attend that day, I would never forgive myself. I attended, but felt uncomfortable and upset all day long. A number of years later I returned home as I needed somewhere to be as I changed jobs etc. I wasn't fully comfortable with this decision, however I thought I would be okay as my Mom was there too along with my stepfather and my sisters. My Mom got sick shortly after that, she was sick for period of time, and passed away in year. After that, I was living in the house with my stepfather alone. Over a period of time, he deliberately isolated me from my sisters and other family members. So much so, that I had very little support available to me. And then the molesting/assaults started up again, I really didn't know what to do or how to react. It got gradually worse, and for a period of period of time or longer, I was being assaulted/raped on a weekly and sometimes more regular basis. Towards the end of this period he was even talking about marrying me, which was very creepy and inappropriate. This was an excruciating and very difficult time, as I had zero support, and nobody to reach out to or help. Due to health reasons, my stepfather had to move and live with relations in another part of the country, and this finally ended this period of physical and emotional abuse. However I had suppressed and blocked it for so long, that I found it difficult to face or come to terms with. Now period of time later, I am finally seeking help to give me healing and help me come to terms with all that has happened to me. I am grateful that I am at last able to admit how bad things were, and also that I can try and rebuild my own life after years of sidelining myself to look after others. I hope my story will help others in similar situations reach out and seek help and support in the future, even though I cannot take legal action against my abuser, I still want to be able to heal and try and come to terms with all I endured. 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Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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