---
title: Understanding specific types of trauma and harm: Expert Answers ~ Our Wave
description: Understanding specific types of trauma and harm: 137 survivor questions answered by trauma-informed experts in the Our Wave community.
url: https://api.ourwave.org/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm.md
---

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# Understanding specific types of trauma and harm

Ask a question

Questions about what different kinds of abuse and harm are, how they are defined, and how they can affect the people who live through them.

137 questions from survivors on this topic, each answered by a trauma-informed expert.

[

#### Is it considered sexual assault if the person didn’t touch me, but manipulated me into touching myself in front of them, while they did too?

🇨🇦

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience with us. What you've described can indeed be considered a form of sexual assault or abuse. Manipulating someone into engaging in sexual activities, even without physical contact, is a violation of consent and personal boundaries. Only you can label your experience, however.Consent should always be freely given, enthusiastic, and without any form of pressure, manipulation, or coercion. If someone manipulates or pressures you into touching yourself for their gratification, they are disregarding you...

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#### Where can I find information about online-targeted sexual assault that involves sadism and objectification (rather than physical violence) combined with drug use?

🇨🇦

Your question touches on a complex intersection of digital exploitation, psychological manipulation, and substance-facilitated abuse that unfortunately receives limited research attention despite being a real and harmful experience for many survivors. This gap in information doesn't mean your experience is less valid or important-- it often reflects how these forms of abuse can be harder to categorize within traditional frameworks, and unfortunately, some of the most harmful experiences survivors face exist in these spaces between established...

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#### A friend touched my inner thigh without permission while we were in a hot tub together. I pushed them away and laughed it off, but it made me uncomfortable. I'm wondering whether this would be considered assault or harassment.

🇨🇦

Thank you for sharing this with us. What you described is a significant boundary violation where your friend attempted to touch you in an intimate area without your consent, which is not okay. Consent is essential in all interactions, and everyone has the right to have their personal space and boundaries respected.

](/en/answer/a-friend-touched-my-inner-thigh-without-permission-while-we-were-in-a-hot-tub-together-i-pushed-them-away-and-laughed-it-off-but-it-made-me-uncomfortable-im-wondering-whether-this-would-be-considered)

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[

#### At a party, I became heavily intoxicated to the point where I was not able to control my actions or form clear memories. During this time, a man kissed me twice without my clear consent, when I was too impaired to understand what was happening or express what I wanted. This experience has troubled me for a long time and I've struggled with feelings of shame. I'm trying to understand if this would be considered sexual assault. Having clarity about how to define this experience might help me process my feelings and trauma around it more effectively. Can you help me understand this?

🇨🇦

Thank you for reaching out and sharing this experience with us. I am sorry you are going through this. It's understandable that you're feeling confused and ashamed. What you've described is a serious situation and we will help you to process it the best we can.

](/en/answer/at-a-party-i-became-heavily-intoxicated-to-the-point-where-i-was-not-able-to-control-my-actions-or-form-clear-memories-during-this-time-a-man-kissed-me-twice-without-my-clear-consent-when-i-was-too-im)

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[

#### Is it still sexual assault if it was my sister, and she didn't have malicious intent? When I was around 15, my sister grabbed my buttcheek. She'd done it before but it only really felt bad this specific time. Everyone I know considers this sexual assault, but I feel like I'm appropriating the term calling it that. I feel like it's not because: she was my sister, she was only a year older, it was so statistically improbable, she didn't have malicious intent, and I've read about others with worse experiences who didn't label their experiences as sexual assault.

🇨🇦

Thank you for sharing this experience and your thoughtful reflection on it. Navigating uncomfortable physical interactions with family members can be confusing, especially when trying to understand how to contextualize what happened. What you're describing is a situation where a boundary was crossed that made you uncomfortable. Your discomfort with the experience is valid, regardless of how it might be labeled. Many sibling interactions during adolescence involve boundary testing, and sometimes siblings may not understand the impact of their a...

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[

#### I'm trying to understand if my sister's behavior constitutes abuse. She's consistently mean to me - making fun of me, calling me names, and demanding I do things for her. What particularly bothers me is how she repeatedly violates my physical boundaries with unwanted touching, even though I've explicitly told her to stop many times. The touching isn't sexual, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable: she tickles me, pokes me, grabs my face, slaps my butt when I'm walking upstairs, and does irritating things like hovering her hand near me or putting it in front of my face. While she's always been physically demonstrative, I've grown to hate it. I struggle because these actions might seem innocent to others, and my reactions can appear like overreactions. While it's not sexual abuse or traditional physical abuse, it is persistent unwanted touching and boundary violation. Is this pattern of behavior considered abusive, even if it doesn't fit typical definitions of abuse?

🇨🇦

Thank you for sharing this difficult situation with us. Your feelings about your sister's behavior are completely valid. Any unwanted touching that continues after clear requests to stop is a violation of personal boundaries, regardless of whether it appears "innocent" to others or whether the person doing it is a family member.

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[

#### When I was young, my younger sibling who was 6 at the time repeatedly engaged in sexual acts with me over the course of a week. I allowed it to happen because it felt good at the time and I didn't think it was wrong. Does this count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. What you've described is a complex and confusing situation that some children face, but aren't sure how to make sense of as adults. Developmentally, it's common for children, especially young ones, to explore their bodies and engage in sexual play with other children as part of learning about their bodies and sexuality. In this vein, some degree of exploratory play between siblings is also not unusual, particularly if there hasn't been a lot of education about boundaries. However, dependin...

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[

#### Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA): Can a victim be older than their perpetrator?

🇺🇸

Thank you for this question. Yes, it is possible for a victim of child-on-child sexual abuse to be older than their perpetrator. Child-on-child sexual abuse involves a minor engaging in sexually abusive behavior towards another minor. In such cases, the age difference between the survivor and the perpetrator can vary, and it is not solely dependent on the chronological age of the individuals involved.

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[

#### If someone who was 12-13 placed their hand on a younger child's fully clothed crotch area for a few seconds, and removed their hand when the younger child said something, would this typically be considered criminal behavior or abuse/assault in the US?

🇺🇸

This situation involves inappropriate sexual contact with a significant age gap between the children involved. Whether this would be legally classified as abuse, assault, or criminal behavior depends on several factors, including the specific laws in your state, the ages involved, and the context of what happened. Different jurisdictions handle these situations differently, and some might address this through child welfare systems rather than the criminal justice system due to the ages of those involved.

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[

#### What is it called when someone is forced to assault someone else?

🇰🇼

Forced perpetration is a complex form of sexual abuse where someone is compelled, through threats, coercion, or physical force, to engage in sexual acts with another person against their will. This creates a situation where there are multiple victims: the person forced to commit the act and the person it was committed against. It's a deeply traumatic experience that can occur in various contexts, including domestic violence, child sexual abuse, human trafficking, or conflict situations.

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#### How does religious trauma intertwine with sexual assault trauma?

🇺🇸

Thank you for bringing this question here. You are asking about two kinds of pain that often intertwine and your instinct that they are connected is well supported. Religious trauma is a term people use for lasting harm connected to religious beliefs, communities, or leaders. It is not a formal diagnosis, but clinicians increasingly recognize the pattern (e.g. fear of punishment, deep shame, difficulty trusting your own judgment, and grief over a lost community or relationship with God). Sexual assault trauma tends to live in many of the same...

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#### Is it abuse to force or pressure someone into a romantic relationship or into dating you?

🇰🇼

Yes, forcing or pressuring someone into a romantic relationship or into dating is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation. Everyone has the right to make their own choices about relationships freely and without coercion. When someone tries to compel another person to be in a relationship against their will, it disregards their feelings and autonomy, which can lead to emotional distress and harm.

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#### Is it sexual assault if I said no several times, but the other person kept insisting until I eventually said yes?

🇨🇱

I'm so sorry you went through this. What you're describing is a situation where your initial boundaries were clear. You said no multiple times. When someone continues to pressure you after you've declined, wearing you down until you agree, that "yes" isn't freely given. Consent requires that both people feel comfortable and respected in their decision. If you felt like you had to say "yes" just to stop the repeated insisting, or because you were exhausted by the pressure, it's understandable that this experience would leave you feeling violate...

](/en/answer/is-it-sexual-assault-if-i-said-no-several-times-but-the-other-person-kept-insisting-until-i-eventually-said-yes-782 "I'm so sorry you went through this. What you're describing is a situation where your initial boundaries were clear. You said no multiple times. When someone continues to pressure you after you've declined, wearing you down until you agree, that \"yes\" isn't freely given. Consent requires that both people feel comfortable and respected in their decision. If you felt like you had to say \"yes\" just to stop the repeated insisting, or because you were exhausted by the pressure, it's understandable that this experience would leave you feeling violate...")

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#### Why do some victims of abuse become perpetrators?

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out. Great question! We appreciate you for asking it. Your willingness to understand these complex dynamics is valuable for prevention and healing. Understanding why some victims of abuse become perpetrators requires careful examination through both trauma-informed and preventative lenses.

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#### Is grooming always between a grown adult and a child?

🇺🇸

Grooming is not always between an adult and a child, although it is commonly portrayed as such. It is possible for a child to groom another child into sexual abuse, particularly if there is a significant age or developmental gap between them. Grooming is a process by which somoene gradually gains the trust of their intended victim, often by building a relationship with them or offering them special attention or gifts, and then uses that trust to manipulate and control the victim for sexual purposes. Grooming can happen in different contexts, s...

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#### What differentiates molestation from other forms of abuse? Can a child/preteen be molested by someone the same age?

🇰🇼

Thank you for these thoughtful questions about such a complex topic. From a clinical perspective, molestation generally refers specifically to sexual touching and contact of children under the age of 18, while sexual abuse is a broader term that can include non-contact activities (like exposure, voyeurism, or showing explicit material to a child) as well as contact abuse. However, it's important to note that these terms are often used interchangeably, and their precise definitions can vary by context, location, and legal jurisdiction.

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#### If someone's actions toward me weren't explicitly sexual in nature, but I believe their intent was sexual (such as unnecessary touching or attention that felt inappropriate), would this be considered a form of sexual abuse or harassment?

🇰🇼

Thank you for asking this important question about understanding sexual abuse and harassment. Yes, sexual abuse and harassment can absolutely include actions that aren't explicitly sexual but have sexual intent or create discomfort in a sexualized way. Intent plays a significant role in how actions are perceived and their impact - an act that might seem innocuous on the surface can be deeply violating if it's done with sexual motivation.

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#### When I was around 6-7 years old, another child of a similar age repeatedly pressured, emotionally manipulated, and guilt-tripped me into engaging in oral sex. Despite me saying no numerous times, he continued to pressure me until I eventually complied. Does this count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this question and I am so sorry you experienced this. Based on the information you've shared, it sounds like what you experienced could be child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). The repeated pressure, emotional manipulation, and guilt-tripping to engage in sexual acts, even though you both were young, is concerning and may constitute abusive behavior. Your repeated refusals should have been respected, and the fact that the other child continued to coerce you until you complied suggests a violation of your boundaries and autono...

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#### I was non consensually touched in my sensitive areas and I think I felt an arousal. After that I got very guilty and started harming myself. Can you help me with this?

🇮🇳

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult experience. Being touched without your consent is a serious violation of your body, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling a mix of powerful emotions right now. I want to underscore that experiencing physical arousal during non-consensual touch is a natural and involuntary response that many people have. It doesn't mean you wanted it to happen or that you're at fault in any way. Try to be gentle with yourself and I will try to help the best I can.

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Community note

This question contains references to self-harm or suicidal thoughts. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a crisis helpline.

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#### Why can molestation have such a significant impact during adolescence, even if it only happened once? I'd like to understand more about the effects of single-incident trauma during the teenage years.

🇦🇷

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. Molestation can have a profound impact on a teenager, even if it occurs only once, due to several interconnected reasons related to the developmental stage of adolescence and the nature of traumatic experiences.Teenage years are a critical period of growth and development, both physically and emotionally. Adolescents are forming their identities, establishing personal boundaries, and learning to navigate complex social and interpersonal relationships. A violation like molestation can dis...

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#### Is it still considered childhood-on-child-sexual abuse (COCSA) if I was forced to say yes during the experience?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. I'm sorry to hear that you're grappling with such a difficult and confusing experience. Consent must be given freely, willingly, and without any form of pressure, manipulation, or coercion. If you were forced to say "yes," then genuine consent was not present. Being forced to give consent is not true consent at all--it is coercion and it completely invalidates any verbal agreement you may have given.

](/en/answer/is-it-still-considered-childhood-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-i-was-forced-to-say-yes-during-the-experience-685 "Thank you for reaching out with this important question. I'm sorry to hear that you're grappling with such a difficult and confusing experience. Consent must be given freely, willingly, and without any form of pressure, manipulation, or coercion. If you were forced to say \"yes,\" then genuine consent was not present. Being forced to give consent is not true consent at all--it is coercion and it completely invalidates any verbal agreement you may have given.")

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#### Does it count as sexual assault if I stopped the encounter halfway through?

🇺🇸

Thanks for reaching out to us. Without knowing the specific context of your situation--whether you initially consented and then changed your mind, were coerced from the beginning, or experienced something else entirely-- it's difficult to provide a definitive answer about your particular experience. However, I can share some general information about consent and sexual assault that may help you understand your situation better.

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#### Why is it that some teens develop PTSD and others don't?

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Thank you so much for asking this question. The development of PTSD after trauma depends on a complex interplay of factors unique to each teenager. Our brains during adolescence are still developing, particularly in areas that handle emotion regulation and stress response. Some teens naturally have a more sensitive stress response system due to their genetic makeup and family history of mental health conditions. This biological foundation acts as a starting point that influences how the brain processes and responds to traumatic experiences.

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#### In the case of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), if both children are the same age but one has a social impairment (in my case, autism and a communication disorder), would that create a power imbalance?

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. Yes, a power imbalance can absolutely exist between children of the same age when one has a social or communication impairment. Power dynamics in abuse situations aren't solely determined by age - they can be influenced by many factors including developmental differences, social understanding, communication abilities, cognitive processing, physical size, and emotional maturity. When someone has autism or a communication disorder, they may experience challenges in understanding socia...

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#### Is it sexual assault if an adult touches another adult's private parts without consent, but as a joke or to upset them rather than for sexual reasons? Also, is it considered sexual assault or COCSA (child-on-child sexual abuse) if a young child pressures another child into sexual acts to bully them, rather than for explicitly sexual reasons?

🇬🇧

Thank you for these important questions. They highlight complex issues regarding consent, intent, and the definition of sexual assault. Regarding the first scenario involving adults: Any non-consensual touching of private parts is generally considered sexual assault, regardless of the intent behind it. The key factor here is the lack of consent, not the motivation of the person doing the touching. Whether it's done as a joke, to upset someone, or for sexual gratification, touching someone's private parts without their permission is a violatio...

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#### What is the difference between molestation and other forms of abuse? Does it always happen between an adult and child or between someone with power and someone vulnerable?

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Thank you for asking this question. Molestation is a specific type of sexual abuse that involves unwanted sexual contact or touching. While it's often associated with child sexual abuse, it's important to understand that molestation and other forms of abuse can occur in various contexts and between individuals of any age.

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#### Can you talk about sexting coercion?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this question! Especially during COVID, sexting coercion is something that many people can experience now that we are limiting our in-person exposure to others. The access we have to other people through the avenue of technology comes with both opportunities and threats. We have various experiences online, from connecting with new people to catching up with old friends. Technology has infiltrated every aspect of our culture, including sexual violence.

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#### How can cyberbullying targeting LGBTQIA+ individuals cause emotional harm, and what are the specific impacts this type of online harassment can have on mental health and wellbeing?

🇿🇦

I'm sorry to hear that members of the LGBTQIA+ community are facing cyberbullying. Cyberbullying can have a profoundly negative impact on anyone, but it can be especially damaging for individuals who are already navigating the challenges of understanding and embracing their identity.For LGBTQIA+ individuals, the internet often serves as a vital space for finding community, support, and acceptance, especially if they lack these connections in their offline lives. When cyberbullying occurs, it can shatter that sense of safety and belonging. Hurt...

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#### Yesterday, someone touched my leg inappropriately without my consent. Since then, I've been experiencing physical discomfort - my leg feels somehow 'foreign' to me, and I keep tensing and shifting it restlessly. I'm wondering if this is a common trauma response to unwanted touch?

🇰🇼

Thank you for sharing this experience with us. What you're describing - the sensation of your leg feeling "foreign" and the restless urge to move and tense it after experiencing unwanted touch - is absolutely a normal response to boundary violation. It sounds like your body is responding in a natural and protective way, even though the sensations might feel confusing or distressing.

](/en/answer/yesterday-someone-touched-my-leg-inappropriately-without-my-consent-since-then-ive-been-experiencing-physical-discomfort-my-leg-feels-somehow-foreign-to-me-and-i-keep-tensing-and-shifting-it-restlessl "Thank you for sharing this experience with us. What you're describing - the sensation of your leg feeling \"foreign\" and the restless urge to move and tense it after experiencing unwanted touch - is absolutely a normal response to boundary violation. It sounds like your body is responding in a natural and protective way, even though the sensations might feel confusing or distressing.")

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#### Discuss how cyberbullying of members of LGBTQ+ community could cause psychological harm.

🇿🇦

Thank you for this question. Cyberbullying directed at members of the LGBTQ+ community can have profound psychological effects, including harm related to or exacerbating previous histories of sexual violence. The online space, although it can provide a platform for support and connection, can also be a breeding ground for hate speech, discrimination, and harassment. It is never okay to cyberbully anyone regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.

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#### I've read that grooming can affect not just children, but also vulnerable adults up to age 25. Does this mean relationships involving young adults in their early 20s could be considered problematic? How is grooming distinguished from normal relationship development in this age group, especially for vulnerable individuals?

🇧🇷

Thank you for this question. Relationships between young adults in their early 20s are not inherently problematic. Most relationships in this age group are healthy and normal. However, the concept of grooming highlights the importance of being aware of potential power imbalances and manipulative behaviors in any relationship, regardless of age.

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#### When I was around 8-9 years old, I used to give my 2-3-year-old sibling kisses on the lips. As far as I can remember, it was completely innocent, and my family often shows affection this way. Some of them still do it to this day. However, due to my OCD and severe anxiety, I'm worried that I might have done something inappropriate and don't remember it properly. I would never want to make someone uncomfortable, and I'm struggling with this thought. Could this be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for your bravery in reaching out to us. Based on the information you've provided, it doesn't appear that your actions would be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). Kissing on the lips, especially among young children in a family setting where this is a common display of affection, is not inherently abusive or inappropriate.

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#### Was it Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) if we were the same age (11) and I only said yes after being asked repeatedly because I felt bad for rejecting them?

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Thank you for asking this. If you feel that you were coerced into doing something you did not want to do, your feelings of distress and concern are entirely warranted. In terms of the person's age at the time of the incident, it's essential to recognize that age does not absolve someone of responsibility for their actions, particularly when it involves harming another individual. Regardless of their age, engaging in sexual coersive behavior is never acceptable.

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#### When I was pretty drunk at a university drinking party, I met a male senior in front of the restroom and he pulled me in with him. Even if I remember, it's hard to get along with him, so I've forgotten, but I think he touched me in various ways. I think he was just messing around, but I keep thinking about what would have happened if \[name\] hadn't come and teased me. I avoid passing by that store in \[place name\]. Is what happened to me sexual violence, and is it traumatic for me? What should I do?

🇯🇵

Thank you so much for reaching out to us in this time of confusion. The experience you described - being dragged into a bathroom by an older man while you were drunk and having him touch you without your consent - is a very serious incident. Even if the other person was just joking around or had been drinking, it is never acceptable for them to touch you without your permission . These acts could be considered sexual violence . However, rather than jumping to conclusions with questions like, "Is this sexual violence?" or "Is it traumatic?", we...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-pretty-drunk-at-a-drinking-party-in-college-i-met-a-male-senior-in-front-of-the-restroom-and-he-pulled-me-in-with-him-even-if-i-remember-its-hard-to-get-along-with-him-so-ive-forgotten-but "Thank you so much for reaching out to us in this time of confusion. The experience you described - being dragged into a bathroom by an older man while you were drunk and having him touch you without your consent - is a very serious incident. Even if the other person was just joking around or had been drinking, it is never acceptable for them to touch you without your permission . These acts could be considered sexual violence . However, rather than jumping to conclusions with questions like, \"Is this sexual violence?\" or \"Is it traumatic?\", we...")

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#### When I was younger (9), someone four years older than me (13) touched my breast and genital area while I was sleeping. Would this generally be considered child-on-child sexual abuse, or would it be viewed as criminal activity in most places in the US?

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This situation would generally be understood as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). The four-year age gap, the nature of the touching, and the fact that one child was asleep are all significant factors that indicate this was an abusive situation rather than age-appropriate exploration.

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#### Why do teenagers often stay silent about traumatic experiences? When something bad happens during adolescence, what makes it so difficult to speak up and tell someone?

🇦🇷

Thank you for reaching out to us and asking this important question about why it's so hard for teenagers to speak up about traumatic experiences. The silence that often surrounds teenage trauma is complex and happens for many understandable reasons. During adolescence, we're in a unique developmental stage where we're trying to figure out who we are while being extremely aware of how others perceive us. This heightened self-consciousness can make us feel like any negative experience might change how people see us or treat us differently. We of...

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#### Is there really any way to avoid being catcalled or harassed in public? I feel like there's nothing to do except hope it doesn't happen.

🇰🇼

Ugh...thank you for asking this. You're right that there is unfortunately no guaranteed way to completely avoid catcalling or harassment in public. The responsibility for this behavior lies solely with the harassers, not with those being harassed. While there are some steps one can take to potentially reduce risk, it's deeply unfair and frustrating that anyone should have to modify their behavior to avoid harassment.

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#### How should we understand responsibility in cases of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)? Does being a child at the time excuse or explain the harmful behavior? What level of accountability makes sense when the person who caused harm was also a child? And if we acknowledge their limited childhood understanding, how can survivors make sense of responsibility and blame for what happened to them?

🇰🇼

Thank you for raising these difficult questions about responsibility and accountability in cases of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). Let me try to help break down these challenging issues while honoring both the reality of harm and the complexity of child developmemt.

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#### I met someone online who has been pressuring me to do sexual things I don't want to do. They send me explicit content (pornography) and make me feel like I have to participate. Is this exploitation?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like this person's behavior is placing you in situations where you feel pressured to do things you don't want to do, and that is absolutely not okay. What you're describing does sound like a form of exploitation. When someone pressures you into sexual activities you don't want to do, that's coercion, and it's never okay regardless of how you met them or what kind of relationship you have. Even if you are close in age, it's important to recognize that sending sexual content or pushing someone into any...

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#### It is hard to find much about male survivors, even harder to find information about male survivors of female perpetrators. It does happen, but it is such a forbidden topic that no one wants to talk or even hear about it, only further isolating the victim. It is a lonely place.

🇺🇸

You are right-- it is hard to find information about male survivors. As a survivor looking for resources online, the majority of support is geared towards women. For example, college students looking for sexual assault resources are often directed towards the school’s Women’s Center. This is helpful for woman-identifying survivors, but male survivors often feel left behind. Sexual assault can happen to anyone, regardless of gender and sexual orientation, and yet male survivors do not always have a specific place to go in the same w...

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#### I'm trying to understand the age dynamics of grooming behaviors. Can grooming occur between very young children (ages 3-6)? What about between children or teens who are close in age (1-2 years apart)? Additionally, can a young person who has been exposed to predatory behavior from adults become someone who grooms others? I'm having trouble understanding these complex dynamics and would appreciate clarification.

🇧🇷

Let me try to help clarify these complex dynamics. True grooming behavior requires a level of manipulation, planning, and understanding of power dynamics that very young children (ages 3-6) are not developmentally capable of. At these young ages, concerning sexual behaviors are typically signs that the child may have been exposed to inappropriate content or experiences themselves, rather than intentional grooming.

](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-the-age-dynamics-of-grooming-behaviors-can-grooming-occur-between-very-young-children-ages-3-6-what-about-between-children-or-teens-who-are-close-in-age-1-2-years-apart-additionally-can-a-young-person-who-has-been-exposed-to-predatory-behavior-from-adults-become-someone-who-grooms-others-im-having-trouble-understanding-these-complex-dynamics-and-would-appreciate-clarification-350)

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#### I'm confused about terminology. Some people tell me what happened was rape, and others say it's sexual assault. When I was a child, someone pushed me to the ground, forcibly removed my clothing, held me down, and performed oral sex on me without my consent. Can someone help me understand these terms?

🇺🇸

I'm so sorry this happened to you. What you experienced was a serious violation, and I want you to know that the confusion you're feeling about terminology is completely understandable. The truth is that different places use these terms differently. In some states or countries, "rape" has a legal definition that only includes penetration with a penis, while other places define it more broadly to include any forced sexual penetration--including with tongues, fingers, or objects. "Sexual assault" is typically used as an umbrella term that...

](/en/answer/im-confused-about-terminology-some-people-tell-me-what-happened-was-rape-and-others-say-its-sexual-assault-when-i-was-a-child-someone-pushed-me-to-the-ground-forcibly-removed-my-clothing-held-me-down "I'm so sorry this happened to you. What you experienced was a serious violation, and I want you to know that the confusion you're feeling about terminology is completely understandable. 
The truth is that different places use these terms differently. In some states or countries, \"rape\" has a legal definition that only includes penetration with a penis, while other places define it more broadly to include any forced sexual penetration--including with tongues, fingers, or objects. \"Sexual assault\" is typically used as an umbrella term that...")

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#### I have a domestic violence case against my abusive ex. Recently, after my 18th birthday, I learned he's been showing people nude photos and sexual images of us from when I was 17. Initially, I didn't believe it, but now another witness has confirmed it. If I bring this up in court, would it be considered a child pornography offense since I was underage when the photos were taken?

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Wow. This sounds like a terrible situation. Thank you so much for reaching out to us. While I cannot provide direct legal advice, I can offer some general considerations about your situation that I hope helps guide your decision. The distribution of sexual images of a minor (under 18) is typically considered a serious offense under child pornography laws. Since the images were taken when you were 17, they would likely fall into this category. This could potentially lead to additional charges against your ex-partner, separate from the existing...

](/en/answer/i-have-a-domestic-violence-case-against-my-abusive-ex-recently-after-my-18th-birthday-i-learned-hes-been-showing-people-nude-photos-and-sexual-images-of-us-from-when-i-was-17-initially-i-didnt-believe-it-but-now-another-witness-has-confirmed-it-if-i-bring-this-up-in-court-would-it-be-considered-a-child-pornography-offense-since-i-was-underage-when-the-photos-were-taken-279)

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#### Is it still sexual assault if it's the same gender? I'm female, and another female always says sexual things to me and about my body. Worse, she's been touching and gripping my thighs very high up while we're in class. Recently she threw her hand back and touched my private area. I just found out this is called sexual assault, as I thought only rape was sexual assault. I need answers please.

🇺🇸

I'm so sorry to hear that you're experiencing this situation. Yes, what you're describing could be considered sexual assault, regardless of the genders involved. Sexual assault can absolutely happen between people of the same gender. It doesn't matter if the person touching you is a girl or a boy—everyone has the right to feel safe and respected.

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#### I'm unsure if this experience counts as assault. When I was 9-10 years old at camp, another girl my age undressed in front of other children during a wilderness overnight trip. Afterward, she forced me to remove my shirt and wouldn't give it back, causing me to go to the counselor crying in shame. Unfortunately, the counselor sided with her. Would this be considered an experience of assault?

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing this experience with us. What you described involves another person forcing you to remove your shirt against your will and then withholding it, leading to feelings of shame and humiliation. Your feelings surrounding this incident are completely valid.

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#### I've noticed in discussions about child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) that most cases seem to involve victims who are young children or early teens (up to age 14). Does this mean that incidents involving older teens aren't considered COCSA, or are they just less commonly reported? I'm trying to understand how age affects how these experiences are categorized and recognized.

🇧🇷

Thank you for asking this. The age at which someone experiences unwanted or abusive sexual contact doesn't determine whether it was harmful or valid. While many reported cases of COCSA involve younger victims, this doesn't mean that experiences involving older teens are any less serious or impactful.

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#### I experienced sexual roleplaying and jokes with a friend and their older friends (age 15 between the ages of 10-12, mostly online. I felt pressured to participate due to the emotional abuse and fear of losing the friendship. Years later, I struggle with hypersexuality, intrusive thoughts, and CSA themes in my art and writing. Was this child sexual abuse, or am I making false claims?

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Thank you for reaching out. Only you can determine if what you experienced was abuse, as you are the expert of your own lived experience. Sexual exploration and experimentation among children close in age is not uncommon, but if the situation involved pressure, emotional manipulation, or significant age differences, it may be a sign that this was indeed abusive behavior. It is understandable to feel distressed or confused, but abuse can certainly happen in the digital space. To learn more about child-on-child sexual abuse, click here.

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#### When I was in kindergarten, a friend asked me to play a game that she said her parents taught her to play only with people she loves. The game involved inappropriate sexual acts. I felt confused and uncomfortable, but I participated. Years later, I'm unsure if this would be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) and I don't know how to process these memories, especially given that my friend said her parents taught her the game.

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing your experience. What you've described sounds like a confusing and distressing situation that has understandably left you with difficult feelings and questions. While the exact definition of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) can vary, it generally refers to sexual activity between children that occurs without consent, without equality, or as a result of coercion. The fact that your friend said her parents taught her this "game" to play with loved ones raises serious concerns and suggests she may have been a victim...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-kindergarten-a-friend-asked-me-to-play-a-game-that-she-said-her-parents-taught-her-to-play-only-with-people-she-loves-the-game-involved-inappropriate-sexual-acts-i-felt-confused-and-uncomfortable-but-i-participated-years-later-im-unsure-if-this-would-be-considered-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-and-i-dont-know-how-to-process-these-memories-especially-given-that-my-friend-said-her-parents-taught-her-the-game-126 "Thank you for sharing your experience. What you've described sounds like a confusing and distressing situation that has understandably left you with difficult feelings and questions. 
While the exact definition of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) can vary, it generally refers to sexual activity between children that occurs without consent, without equality, or as a result of coercion. The fact that your friend said her parents taught her this \"game\" to play with loved ones raises serious concerns and suggests she may have been a victim...")

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[

#### Is anal sex considered rape?

🇲🇼

The word "rape" is used in many different contexts including survivors, advocates, and the legal system. Its exact definition can vary depending on where you look. Legally, definitions differ depending on where you live, and in most places the law does criminalize anal penetration without consent, though it may be called something different, like sexual assault or criminal sexual conduct. Outside of legal definitions, many advocates, educators, and support organizations define rape more broadly as any penetration without consent and that inclu...

](/en/answer/is-anal-sex-considered-rape-865 "The word \"rape\" is used in many different contexts including survivors, advocates, and the legal system. Its exact definition can vary depending on where you look. Legally, definitions differ depending on where you live, and in most places the law does criminalize anal penetration without consent, though it may be called something different, like sexual assault or criminal sexual conduct. Outside of legal definitions, many advocates, educators, and support organizations define rape more broadly as any penetration without consent and that inclu...")

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#### Can power imbalances exist between same-aged peers, even when there's no disability involved? How does a lack of sex education or guidance impact the overall dynamics in a child-on-child sexual assault (COCSA) situation?

🇮🇳

Yes, power imbalances can certainly exist between peers who are the same age, such as two 14-year-olds, even when there is no disability involved. Age is just one factor in a complex interplay of dynamics that contribute to power in relationships. Other factors like physical size, emotional maturity, intellectual development, social status, prior experiences, and even personality traits can create significant imbalances between individuals of the same age.For instance, one 14-year-old might be more physically developed, giving them an advantag...

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#### Is it considered sexual assault if the person didn’t touch me, but manipulated me into touching myself in front of them, while they did too?

🇨🇦

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience with us. What you've described can indeed be considered a form of sexual assault or abuse. Manipulating someone into engaging in sexual activities, even without physical contact, is a violation of consent and personal boundaries. Only you can label your experience, however.Consent should always be freely given, enthusiastic, and without any form of pressure, manipulation, or coercion. If someone manipulates or pressures you into touching yourself for their gratification, they are disregarding you...

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#### At a party, I became heavily intoxicated to the point where I was not able to control my actions or form clear memories. During this time, a man kissed me twice without my clear consent, when I was too impaired to understand what was happening or express what I wanted. This experience has troubled me for a long time and I've struggled with feelings of shame. I'm trying to understand if this would be considered sexual assault. Having clarity about how to define this experience might help me process my feelings and trauma around it more effectively. Can you help me understand this?

🇨🇦

Thank you for reaching out and sharing this experience with us. I am sorry you are going through this. It's understandable that you're feeling confused and ashamed. What you've described is a serious situation and we will help you to process it the best we can.

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#### When I was young, my younger sibling who was 6 at the time repeatedly engaged in sexual acts with me over the course of a week. I allowed it to happen because it felt good at the time and I didn't think it was wrong. Does this count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. What you've described is a complex and confusing situation that some children face, but aren't sure how to make sense of as adults. Developmentally, it's common for children, especially young ones, to explore their bodies and engage in sexual play with other children as part of learning about their bodies and sexuality. In this vein, some degree of exploratory play between siblings is also not unusual, particularly if there hasn't been a lot of education about boundaries. However, dependin...

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#### What is it called when someone is forced to assault someone else?

🇰🇼

Forced perpetration is a complex form of sexual abuse where someone is compelled, through threats, coercion, or physical force, to engage in sexual acts with another person against their will. This creates a situation where there are multiple victims: the person forced to commit the act and the person it was committed against. It's a deeply traumatic experience that can occur in various contexts, including domestic violence, child sexual abuse, human trafficking, or conflict situations.

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#### Is it sexual assault if I said no several times, but the other person kept insisting until I eventually said yes?

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I'm so sorry you went through this. What you're describing is a situation where your initial boundaries were clear. You said no multiple times. When someone continues to pressure you after you've declined, wearing you down until you agree, that "yes" isn't freely given. Consent requires that both people feel comfortable and respected in their decision. If you felt like you had to say "yes" just to stop the repeated insisting, or because you were exhausted by the pressure, it's understandable that this experience would leave you feeling violate...

](/en/answer/is-it-sexual-assault-if-i-said-no-several-times-but-the-other-person-kept-insisting-until-i-eventually-said-yes-782 "I'm so sorry you went through this. What you're describing is a situation where your initial boundaries were clear. You said no multiple times. When someone continues to pressure you after you've declined, wearing you down until you agree, that \"yes\" isn't freely given. Consent requires that both people feel comfortable and respected in their decision. If you felt like you had to say \"yes\" just to stop the repeated insisting, or because you were exhausted by the pressure, it's understandable that this experience would leave you feeling violate...")

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#### What differentiates molestation from other forms of abuse? Can a child/preteen be molested by someone the same age?

🇰🇼

Thank you for these thoughtful questions about such a complex topic. From a clinical perspective, molestation generally refers specifically to sexual touching and contact of children under the age of 18, while sexual abuse is a broader term that can include non-contact activities (like exposure, voyeurism, or showing explicit material to a child) as well as contact abuse. However, it's important to note that these terms are often used interchangeably, and their precise definitions can vary by context, location, and legal jurisdiction.

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#### I was non consensually touched in my sensitive areas and I think I felt an arousal. After that I got very guilty and started harming myself. Can you help me with this?

🇮🇳

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult experience. Being touched without your consent is a serious violation of your body, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling a mix of powerful emotions right now. I want to underscore that experiencing physical arousal during non-consensual touch is a natural and involuntary response that many people have. It doesn't mean you wanted it to happen or that you're at fault in any way. Try to be gentle with yourself and I will try to help the best I can.

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Community note

This question contains references to self-harm or suicidal thoughts. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a crisis helpline.

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#### Does it count as sexual assault if I stopped the encounter halfway through?

🇺🇸

Thanks for reaching out to us. Without knowing the specific context of your situation--whether you initially consented and then changed your mind, were coerced from the beginning, or experienced something else entirely-- it's difficult to provide a definitive answer about your particular experience. However, I can share some general information about consent and sexual assault that may help you understand your situation better.

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#### Is it sexual assault if an adult touches another adult's private parts without consent, but as a joke or to upset them rather than for sexual reasons? Also, is it considered sexual assault or COCSA (child-on-child sexual abuse) if a young child pressures another child into sexual acts to bully them, rather than for explicitly sexual reasons?

🇬🇧

Thank you for these important questions. They highlight complex issues regarding consent, intent, and the definition of sexual assault. Regarding the first scenario involving adults: Any non-consensual touching of private parts is generally considered sexual assault, regardless of the intent behind it. The key factor here is the lack of consent, not the motivation of the person doing the touching. Whether it's done as a joke, to upset someone, or for sexual gratification, touching someone's private parts without their permission is a violatio...

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#### How can cyberbullying targeting LGBTQIA+ individuals cause emotional harm, and what are the specific impacts this type of online harassment can have on mental health and wellbeing?

🇿🇦

I'm sorry to hear that members of the LGBTQIA+ community are facing cyberbullying. Cyberbullying can have a profoundly negative impact on anyone, but it can be especially damaging for individuals who are already navigating the challenges of understanding and embracing their identity.For LGBTQIA+ individuals, the internet often serves as a vital space for finding community, support, and acceptance, especially if they lack these connections in their offline lives. When cyberbullying occurs, it can shatter that sense of safety and belonging. Hurt...

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#### I've read that grooming can affect not just children, but also vulnerable adults up to age 25. Does this mean relationships involving young adults in their early 20s could be considered problematic? How is grooming distinguished from normal relationship development in this age group, especially for vulnerable individuals?

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Thank you for this question. Relationships between young adults in their early 20s are not inherently problematic. Most relationships in this age group are healthy and normal. However, the concept of grooming highlights the importance of being aware of potential power imbalances and manipulative behaviors in any relationship, regardless of age.

](/en/answer/ive-read-that-grooming-can-affect-not-just-children-but-also-vulnerable-adults-up-to-age-25-does-this-mean-relationships-involving-young-adults-in-their-early-20s-could-be-considered-problematic-how-is-grooming-distinguished-from-normal-relationship-development-in-this-age-group-especially-for-vulnerable-individuals-241)

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#### When I was pretty drunk at a university drinking party, I met a male senior in front of the restroom and he pulled me in with him. Even if I remember, it's hard to get along with him, so I've forgotten, but I think he touched me in various ways. I think he was just messing around, but I keep thinking about what would have happened if \[name\] hadn't come and teased me. I avoid passing by that store in \[place name\]. Is what happened to me sexual violence, and is it traumatic for me? What should I do?

🇯🇵

Thank you so much for reaching out to us in this time of confusion. The experience you described - being dragged into a bathroom by an older man while you were drunk and having him touch you without your consent - is a very serious incident. Even if the other person was just joking around or had been drinking, it is never acceptable for them to touch you without your permission . These acts could be considered sexual violence . However, rather than jumping to conclusions with questions like, "Is this sexual violence?" or "Is it traumatic?", we...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-pretty-drunk-at-a-drinking-party-in-college-i-met-a-male-senior-in-front-of-the-restroom-and-he-pulled-me-in-with-him-even-if-i-remember-its-hard-to-get-along-with-him-so-ive-forgotten-but "Thank you so much for reaching out to us in this time of confusion. The experience you described - being dragged into a bathroom by an older man while you were drunk and having him touch you without your consent - is a very serious incident. Even if the other person was just joking around or had been drinking, it is never acceptable for them to touch you without your permission . These acts could be considered sexual violence . However, rather than jumping to conclusions with questions like, \"Is this sexual violence?\" or \"Is it traumatic?\", we...")

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#### Is there really any way to avoid being catcalled or harassed in public? I feel like there's nothing to do except hope it doesn't happen.

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Ugh...thank you for asking this. You're right that there is unfortunately no guaranteed way to completely avoid catcalling or harassment in public. The responsibility for this behavior lies solely with the harassers, not with those being harassed. While there are some steps one can take to potentially reduce risk, it's deeply unfair and frustrating that anyone should have to modify their behavior to avoid harassment.

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#### It is hard to find much about male survivors, even harder to find information about male survivors of female perpetrators. It does happen, but it is such a forbidden topic that no one wants to talk or even hear about it, only further isolating the victim. It is a lonely place.

🇺🇸

You are right-- it is hard to find information about male survivors. As a survivor looking for resources online, the majority of support is geared towards women. For example, college students looking for sexual assault resources are often directed towards the school’s Women’s Center. This is helpful for woman-identifying survivors, but male survivors often feel left behind. Sexual assault can happen to anyone, regardless of gender and sexual orientation, and yet male survivors do not always have a specific place to go in the same w...

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#### I have a domestic violence case against my abusive ex. Recently, after my 18th birthday, I learned he's been showing people nude photos and sexual images of us from when I was 17. Initially, I didn't believe it, but now another witness has confirmed it. If I bring this up in court, would it be considered a child pornography offense since I was underage when the photos were taken?

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Wow. This sounds like a terrible situation. Thank you so much for reaching out to us. While I cannot provide direct legal advice, I can offer some general considerations about your situation that I hope helps guide your decision. The distribution of sexual images of a minor (under 18) is typically considered a serious offense under child pornography laws. Since the images were taken when you were 17, they would likely fall into this category. This could potentially lead to additional charges against your ex-partner, separate from the existing...

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#### I've noticed in discussions about child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) that most cases seem to involve victims who are young children or early teens (up to age 14). Does this mean that incidents involving older teens aren't considered COCSA, or are they just less commonly reported? I'm trying to understand how age affects how these experiences are categorized and recognized.

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Thank you for asking this. The age at which someone experiences unwanted or abusive sexual contact doesn't determine whether it was harmful or valid. While many reported cases of COCSA involve younger victims, this doesn't mean that experiences involving older teens are any less serious or impactful.

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#### Is anal sex considered rape?

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The word "rape" is used in many different contexts including survivors, advocates, and the legal system. Its exact definition can vary depending on where you look. Legally, definitions differ depending on where you live, and in most places the law does criminalize anal penetration without consent, though it may be called something different, like sexual assault or criminal sexual conduct. Outside of legal definitions, many advocates, educators, and support organizations define rape more broadly as any penetration without consent and that inclu...

](/en/answer/is-anal-sex-considered-rape-865 "The word \"rape\" is used in many different contexts including survivors, advocates, and the legal system. Its exact definition can vary depending on where you look. Legally, definitions differ depending on where you live, and in most places the law does criminalize anal penetration without consent, though it may be called something different, like sexual assault or criminal sexual conduct. Outside of legal definitions, many advocates, educators, and support organizations define rape more broadly as any penetration without consent and that inclu...")

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#### Where can I find information about online-targeted sexual assault that involves sadism and objectification (rather than physical violence) combined with drug use?

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Your question touches on a complex intersection of digital exploitation, psychological manipulation, and substance-facilitated abuse that unfortunately receives limited research attention despite being a real and harmful experience for many survivors. This gap in information doesn't mean your experience is less valid or important-- it often reflects how these forms of abuse can be harder to categorize within traditional frameworks, and unfortunately, some of the most harmful experiences survivors face exist in these spaces between established...

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#### Is it still sexual assault if it was my sister, and she didn't have malicious intent? When I was around 15, my sister grabbed my buttcheek. She'd done it before but it only really felt bad this specific time. Everyone I know considers this sexual assault, but I feel like I'm appropriating the term calling it that. I feel like it's not because: she was my sister, she was only a year older, it was so statistically improbable, she didn't have malicious intent, and I've read about others with worse experiences who didn't label their experiences as sexual assault.

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Thank you for sharing this experience and your thoughtful reflection on it. Navigating uncomfortable physical interactions with family members can be confusing, especially when trying to understand how to contextualize what happened. What you're describing is a situation where a boundary was crossed that made you uncomfortable. Your discomfort with the experience is valid, regardless of how it might be labeled. Many sibling interactions during adolescence involve boundary testing, and sometimes siblings may not understand the impact of their a...

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#### Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA): Can a victim be older than their perpetrator?

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Thank you for this question. Yes, it is possible for a victim of child-on-child sexual abuse to be older than their perpetrator. Child-on-child sexual abuse involves a minor engaging in sexually abusive behavior towards another minor. In such cases, the age difference between the survivor and the perpetrator can vary, and it is not solely dependent on the chronological age of the individuals involved.

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#### How does religious trauma intertwine with sexual assault trauma?

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Thank you for bringing this question here. You are asking about two kinds of pain that often intertwine and your instinct that they are connected is well supported. Religious trauma is a term people use for lasting harm connected to religious beliefs, communities, or leaders. It is not a formal diagnosis, but clinicians increasingly recognize the pattern (e.g. fear of punishment, deep shame, difficulty trusting your own judgment, and grief over a lost community or relationship with God). Sexual assault trauma tends to live in many of the same...

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#### Why do some victims of abuse become perpetrators?

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Thank you for reaching out. Great question! We appreciate you for asking it. Your willingness to understand these complex dynamics is valuable for prevention and healing. Understanding why some victims of abuse become perpetrators requires careful examination through both trauma-informed and preventative lenses.

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#### If someone's actions toward me weren't explicitly sexual in nature, but I believe their intent was sexual (such as unnecessary touching or attention that felt inappropriate), would this be considered a form of sexual abuse or harassment?

🇰🇼

Thank you for asking this important question about understanding sexual abuse and harassment. Yes, sexual abuse and harassment can absolutely include actions that aren't explicitly sexual but have sexual intent or create discomfort in a sexualized way. Intent plays a significant role in how actions are perceived and their impact - an act that might seem innocuous on the surface can be deeply violating if it's done with sexual motivation.

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#### Why can molestation have such a significant impact during adolescence, even if it only happened once? I'd like to understand more about the effects of single-incident trauma during the teenage years.

🇦🇷

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. Molestation can have a profound impact on a teenager, even if it occurs only once, due to several interconnected reasons related to the developmental stage of adolescence and the nature of traumatic experiences.Teenage years are a critical period of growth and development, both physically and emotionally. Adolescents are forming their identities, establishing personal boundaries, and learning to navigate complex social and interpersonal relationships. A violation like molestation can dis...

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#### Why is it that some teens develop PTSD and others don't?

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Thank you so much for asking this question. The development of PTSD after trauma depends on a complex interplay of factors unique to each teenager. Our brains during adolescence are still developing, particularly in areas that handle emotion regulation and stress response. Some teens naturally have a more sensitive stress response system due to their genetic makeup and family history of mental health conditions. This biological foundation acts as a starting point that influences how the brain processes and responds to traumatic experiences.

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#### What is the difference between molestation and other forms of abuse? Does it always happen between an adult and child or between someone with power and someone vulnerable?

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Thank you for asking this question. Molestation is a specific type of sexual abuse that involves unwanted sexual contact or touching. While it's often associated with child sexual abuse, it's important to understand that molestation and other forms of abuse can occur in various contexts and between individuals of any age.

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#### Yesterday, someone touched my leg inappropriately without my consent. Since then, I've been experiencing physical discomfort - my leg feels somehow 'foreign' to me, and I keep tensing and shifting it restlessly. I'm wondering if this is a common trauma response to unwanted touch?

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Thank you for sharing this experience with us. What you're describing - the sensation of your leg feeling "foreign" and the restless urge to move and tense it after experiencing unwanted touch - is absolutely a normal response to boundary violation. It sounds like your body is responding in a natural and protective way, even though the sensations might feel confusing or distressing.

](/en/answer/yesterday-someone-touched-my-leg-inappropriately-without-my-consent-since-then-ive-been-experiencing-physical-discomfort-my-leg-feels-somehow-foreign-to-me-and-i-keep-tensing-and-shifting-it-restlessl "Thank you for sharing this experience with us. What you're describing - the sensation of your leg feeling \"foreign\" and the restless urge to move and tense it after experiencing unwanted touch - is absolutely a normal response to boundary violation. It sounds like your body is responding in a natural and protective way, even though the sensations might feel confusing or distressing.")

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#### When I was around 8-9 years old, I used to give my 2-3-year-old sibling kisses on the lips. As far as I can remember, it was completely innocent, and my family often shows affection this way. Some of them still do it to this day. However, due to my OCD and severe anxiety, I'm worried that I might have done something inappropriate and don't remember it properly. I would never want to make someone uncomfortable, and I'm struggling with this thought. Could this be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for your bravery in reaching out to us. Based on the information you've provided, it doesn't appear that your actions would be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). Kissing on the lips, especially among young children in a family setting where this is a common display of affection, is not inherently abusive or inappropriate.

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#### When I was younger (9), someone four years older than me (13) touched my breast and genital area while I was sleeping. Would this generally be considered child-on-child sexual abuse, or would it be viewed as criminal activity in most places in the US?

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This situation would generally be understood as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). The four-year age gap, the nature of the touching, and the fact that one child was asleep are all significant factors that indicate this was an abusive situation rather than age-appropriate exploration.

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#### How should we understand responsibility in cases of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)? Does being a child at the time excuse or explain the harmful behavior? What level of accountability makes sense when the person who caused harm was also a child? And if we acknowledge their limited childhood understanding, how can survivors make sense of responsibility and blame for what happened to them?

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Thank you for raising these difficult questions about responsibility and accountability in cases of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). Let me try to help break down these challenging issues while honoring both the reality of harm and the complexity of child developmemt.

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#### I'm trying to understand the age dynamics of grooming behaviors. Can grooming occur between very young children (ages 3-6)? What about between children or teens who are close in age (1-2 years apart)? Additionally, can a young person who has been exposed to predatory behavior from adults become someone who grooms others? I'm having trouble understanding these complex dynamics and would appreciate clarification.

🇧🇷

Let me try to help clarify these complex dynamics. True grooming behavior requires a level of manipulation, planning, and understanding of power dynamics that very young children (ages 3-6) are not developmentally capable of. At these young ages, concerning sexual behaviors are typically signs that the child may have been exposed to inappropriate content or experiences themselves, rather than intentional grooming.

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#### Is it still sexual assault if it's the same gender? I'm female, and another female always says sexual things to me and about my body. Worse, she's been touching and gripping my thighs very high up while we're in class. Recently she threw her hand back and touched my private area. I just found out this is called sexual assault, as I thought only rape was sexual assault. I need answers please.

🇺🇸

I'm so sorry to hear that you're experiencing this situation. Yes, what you're describing could be considered sexual assault, regardless of the genders involved. Sexual assault can absolutely happen between people of the same gender. It doesn't matter if the person touching you is a girl or a boy—everyone has the right to feel safe and respected.

](/en/answer/is-it-still-sexual-assault-if-its-the-same-gender-im-female-and-another-female-always-says-sexual-things-to-me-and-about-my-body-worse-shes-been-touching-and-gripping-my-thighs-very-high-up-while-were)

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[

#### I experienced sexual roleplaying and jokes with a friend and their older friends (age 15 between the ages of 10-12, mostly online. I felt pressured to participate due to the emotional abuse and fear of losing the friendship. Years later, I struggle with hypersexuality, intrusive thoughts, and CSA themes in my art and writing. Was this child sexual abuse, or am I making false claims?

🇺🇦

Thank you for reaching out. Only you can determine if what you experienced was abuse, as you are the expert of your own lived experience. Sexual exploration and experimentation among children close in age is not uncommon, but if the situation involved pressure, emotional manipulation, or significant age differences, it may be a sign that this was indeed abusive behavior. It is understandable to feel distressed or confused, but abuse can certainly happen in the digital space. To learn more about child-on-child sexual abuse, click here.

](/en/answer/i-experienced-sexual-roleplaying-and-jokes-with-a-friend-and-their-older-friends-age-15-between-the-ages-of-10-12-mostly-online-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-due-to-the-emotional-abuse-and-fear-of-losing-the-friendship-years-later-i-struggle-with-hypersexuality-intrusive-thoughts-and-csa-themes-in-my-art-and-writing-was-this-child-sexual-abuse-or-am-i-making-false-claims-130)

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[

#### Can power imbalances exist between same-aged peers, even when there's no disability involved? How does a lack of sex education or guidance impact the overall dynamics in a child-on-child sexual assault (COCSA) situation?

🇮🇳

Yes, power imbalances can certainly exist between peers who are the same age, such as two 14-year-olds, even when there is no disability involved. Age is just one factor in a complex interplay of dynamics that contribute to power in relationships. Other factors like physical size, emotional maturity, intellectual development, social status, prior experiences, and even personality traits can create significant imbalances between individuals of the same age.For instance, one 14-year-old might be more physically developed, giving them an advantag...

](/en/answer/can-power-imbalances-exist-between-same-aged-peers-even-when-theres-no-disability-involved-how-does-a-lack-of-sex-education-or-guidance-impact-the-overall-dynamics-in-a-cocsa-situation-698)

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[

#### A friend touched my inner thigh without permission while we were in a hot tub together. I pushed them away and laughed it off, but it made me uncomfortable. I'm wondering whether this would be considered assault or harassment.

🇨🇦

Thank you for sharing this with us. What you described is a significant boundary violation where your friend attempted to touch you in an intimate area without your consent, which is not okay. Consent is essential in all interactions, and everyone has the right to have their personal space and boundaries respected.

](/en/answer/a-friend-touched-my-inner-thigh-without-permission-while-we-were-in-a-hot-tub-together-i-pushed-them-away-and-laughed-it-off-but-it-made-me-uncomfortable-im-wondering-whether-this-would-be-considered)

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[

#### I'm trying to understand if my sister's behavior constitutes abuse. She's consistently mean to me - making fun of me, calling me names, and demanding I do things for her. What particularly bothers me is how she repeatedly violates my physical boundaries with unwanted touching, even though I've explicitly told her to stop many times. The touching isn't sexual, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable: she tickles me, pokes me, grabs my face, slaps my butt when I'm walking upstairs, and does irritating things like hovering her hand near me or putting it in front of my face. While she's always been physically demonstrative, I've grown to hate it. I struggle because these actions might seem innocent to others, and my reactions can appear like overreactions. While it's not sexual abuse or traditional physical abuse, it is persistent unwanted touching and boundary violation. Is this pattern of behavior considered abusive, even if it doesn't fit typical definitions of abuse?

🇨🇦

Thank you for sharing this difficult situation with us. Your feelings about your sister's behavior are completely valid. Any unwanted touching that continues after clear requests to stop is a violation of personal boundaries, regardless of whether it appears "innocent" to others or whether the person doing it is a family member.

](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-if-my-sisters-behavior-constitutes-abuse-shes-consistently-mean-to-me-making-fun-of-me-calling-me-names-and-demanding-i-do-things-for-her-what-particularly-bothers-me-is-how-she-repeatedly-violates-my-physical-boundaries-with-unwanted-touching-even-though-ive-explicitly-told-her-to-stop-many-times-the-touching-isnt-sexual-but-it-makes-me-extremely-uncomfortable-she-tickles-me-pokes-me-grabs-my-face-slaps-my-butt-when-im-walking-upstairs-and-does-irritating-things-like-hovering-her-hand-near-me-or-putting-it-in-front-of-my-face-while-shes-always-been-physically-demonstrative-ive-grown-to-hate-it-i-struggle-because-these-actions-might-seem-innocent-to-others-and-my-reactions-can-appear-like-overreactions-while-its-not-sexual-abuse-or-traditional-physical-abuse-it-is-persistent-unwanted-touching-and-boundary-violation-is-this-pattern-of-behavior-considered-abusive-even-if-it-doesnt-fit-typical-definitions-of-abuse-353)

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[

#### If someone who was 12-13 placed their hand on a younger child's fully clothed crotch area for a few seconds, and removed their hand when the younger child said something, would this typically be considered criminal behavior or abuse/assault in the US?

🇺🇸

This situation involves inappropriate sexual contact with a significant age gap between the children involved. Whether this would be legally classified as abuse, assault, or criminal behavior depends on several factors, including the specific laws in your state, the ages involved, and the context of what happened. Different jurisdictions handle these situations differently, and some might address this through child welfare systems rather than the criminal justice system due to the ages of those involved.

](/en/answer/if-someone-who-was-12-13-placed-their-hand-on-a-younger-childs-fully-clothed-crotch-area-for-a-few-seconds-and-removed-their-hand-when-the-younger-child-said-something-would-this-typically-be-consider)

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[

#### Is it abuse to force or pressure someone into a romantic relationship or into dating you?

🇰🇼

Yes, forcing or pressuring someone into a romantic relationship or into dating is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation. Everyone has the right to make their own choices about relationships freely and without coercion. When someone tries to compel another person to be in a relationship against their will, it disregards their feelings and autonomy, which can lead to emotional distress and harm.

](/en/answer/is-it-abuse-to-force-or-pressure-someone-into-a-romantic-relationship-or-into-dating-you-449)

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[

#### Is grooming always between a grown adult and a child?

🇺🇸

Grooming is not always between an adult and a child, although it is commonly portrayed as such. It is possible for a child to groom another child into sexual abuse, particularly if there is a significant age or developmental gap between them. Grooming is a process by which somoene gradually gains the trust of their intended victim, often by building a relationship with them or offering them special attention or gifts, and then uses that trust to manipulate and control the victim for sexual purposes. Grooming can happen in different contexts, s...

](/en/answer/is-grooming-always-between-a-grown-adult-and-a-child-64)

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[

#### When I was around 6-7 years old, another child of a similar age repeatedly pressured, emotionally manipulated, and guilt-tripped me into engaging in oral sex. Despite me saying no numerous times, he continued to pressure me until I eventually complied. Does this count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this question and I am so sorry you experienced this. Based on the information you've shared, it sounds like what you experienced could be child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). The repeated pressure, emotional manipulation, and guilt-tripping to engage in sexual acts, even though you both were young, is concerning and may constitute abusive behavior. Your repeated refusals should have been respected, and the fact that the other child continued to coerce you until you complied suggests a violation of your boundaries and autono...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-around-6-7-years-old-another-child-of-a-similar-age-repeatedly-pressured-emotionally-manipulated-and-guilt-tripped-me-into-engaging-in-oral-sex-despite-me-saying-no-numerous-times-he-continued-to-pressure-me-until-i-eventually-complied-does-this-count-as-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-151)

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[

#### Is it still considered childhood-on-child-sexual abuse (COCSA) if I was forced to say yes during the experience?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. I'm sorry to hear that you're grappling with such a difficult and confusing experience. Consent must be given freely, willingly, and without any form of pressure, manipulation, or coercion. If you were forced to say "yes," then genuine consent was not present. Being forced to give consent is not true consent at all--it is coercion and it completely invalidates any verbal agreement you may have given.

](/en/answer/is-it-still-considered-childhood-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-i-was-forced-to-say-yes-during-the-experience-685 "Thank you for reaching out with this important question. I'm sorry to hear that you're grappling with such a difficult and confusing experience. Consent must be given freely, willingly, and without any form of pressure, manipulation, or coercion. If you were forced to say \"yes,\" then genuine consent was not present. Being forced to give consent is not true consent at all--it is coercion and it completely invalidates any verbal agreement you may have given.")

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[

#### In the case of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), if both children are the same age but one has a social impairment (in my case, autism and a communication disorder), would that create a power imbalance?

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out with this important question. Yes, a power imbalance can absolutely exist between children of the same age when one has a social or communication impairment. Power dynamics in abuse situations aren't solely determined by age - they can be influenced by many factors including developmental differences, social understanding, communication abilities, cognitive processing, physical size, and emotional maturity. When someone has autism or a communication disorder, they may experience challenges in understanding socia...

](/en/answer/in-the-case-of-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-both-children-are-the-same-age-but-one-has-a-social-impairment-in-my-case-autism-and-a-communication-disorder-would-that-create-a-power-imbalance-51)

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[

#### Can you talk about sexting coercion?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this question! Especially during COVID, sexting coercion is something that many people can experience now that we are limiting our in-person exposure to others. The access we have to other people through the avenue of technology comes with both opportunities and threats. We have various experiences online, from connecting with new people to catching up with old friends. Technology has infiltrated every aspect of our culture, including sexual violence.

](/en/answer/can-you-talk-about-sexting-coercion-19)

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[

#### Discuss how cyberbullying of members of LGBTQ+ community could cause psychological harm.

🇿🇦

Thank you for this question. Cyberbullying directed at members of the LGBTQ+ community can have profound psychological effects, including harm related to or exacerbating previous histories of sexual violence. The online space, although it can provide a platform for support and connection, can also be a breeding ground for hate speech, discrimination, and harassment. It is never okay to cyberbully anyone regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.

](/en/answer/discuss-how-cyberbullying-of-members-of-lgbtq-community-could-cause-psychological-harm-74)

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[

#### Was it Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) if we were the same age (11) and I only said yes after being asked repeatedly because I felt bad for rejecting them?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this. If you feel that you were coerced into doing something you did not want to do, your feelings of distress and concern are entirely warranted. In terms of the person's age at the time of the incident, it's essential to recognize that age does not absolve someone of responsibility for their actions, particularly when it involves harming another individual. Regardless of their age, engaging in sexual coersive behavior is never acceptable.

](/en/answer/was-it-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-if-we-were-the-same-age-11-and-i-only-said-yes-after-being-asked-repeatedly-because-i-felt-bad-for-rejecting-them-98)

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[

#### Why do teenagers often stay silent about traumatic experiences? When something bad happens during adolescence, what makes it so difficult to speak up and tell someone?

🇦🇷

Thank you for reaching out to us and asking this important question about why it's so hard for teenagers to speak up about traumatic experiences. The silence that often surrounds teenage trauma is complex and happens for many understandable reasons. During adolescence, we're in a unique developmental stage where we're trying to figure out who we are while being extremely aware of how others perceive us. This heightened self-consciousness can make us feel like any negative experience might change how people see us or treat us differently. We of...

](/en/answer/why-do-teenagers-often-stay-silent-about-traumatic-experiences-when-something-bad-happens-during-adolescence-what-makes-it-so-difficult-to-speak-up-and-tell-someone-416)

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[

#### I met someone online who has been pressuring me to do sexual things I don't want to do. They send me explicit content (pornography) and make me feel like I have to participate. Is this exploitation?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like this person's behavior is placing you in situations where you feel pressured to do things you don't want to do, and that is absolutely not okay. What you're describing does sound like a form of exploitation. When someone pressures you into sexual activities you don't want to do, that's coercion, and it's never okay regardless of how you met them or what kind of relationship you have. Even if you are close in age, it's important to recognize that sending sexual content or pushing someone into any...

](/en/answer/i-met-someone-online-who-has-been-pressuring-me-to-do-sexual-things-i-dont-want-to-do-they-send-me-explicit-content-pornography-and-make-me-feel-like-i-have-to-participate-is-this-exploitation-777)

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[

#### I'm confused about terminology. Some people tell me what happened was rape, and others say it's sexual assault. When I was a child, someone pushed me to the ground, forcibly removed my clothing, held me down, and performed oral sex on me without my consent. Can someone help me understand these terms?

🇺🇸

I'm so sorry this happened to you. What you experienced was a serious violation, and I want you to know that the confusion you're feeling about terminology is completely understandable. The truth is that different places use these terms differently. In some states or countries, "rape" has a legal definition that only includes penetration with a penis, while other places define it more broadly to include any forced sexual penetration--including with tongues, fingers, or objects. "Sexual assault" is typically used as an umbrella term that...

](/en/answer/im-confused-about-terminology-some-people-tell-me-what-happened-was-rape-and-others-say-its-sexual-assault-when-i-was-a-child-someone-pushed-me-to-the-ground-forcibly-removed-my-clothing-held-me-down "I'm so sorry this happened to you. What you experienced was a serious violation, and I want you to know that the confusion you're feeling about terminology is completely understandable. 
The truth is that different places use these terms differently. In some states or countries, \"rape\" has a legal definition that only includes penetration with a penis, while other places define it more broadly to include any forced sexual penetration--including with tongues, fingers, or objects. \"Sexual assault\" is typically used as an umbrella term that...")

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[

#### I'm unsure if this experience counts as assault. When I was 9-10 years old at camp, another girl my age undressed in front of other children during a wilderness overnight trip. Afterward, she forced me to remove my shirt and wouldn't give it back, causing me to go to the counselor crying in shame. Unfortunately, the counselor sided with her. Would this be considered an experience of assault?

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing this experience with us. What you described involves another person forcing you to remove your shirt against your will and then withholding it, leading to feelings of shame and humiliation. Your feelings surrounding this incident are completely valid.

](/en/answer/im-unsure-if-this-experience-counts-as-assault-when-i-was-9-10-years-old-at-camp-another-girl-my-age-undressed-in-front-of-other-children-during-a-wilderness-overnight-trip-afterward-she-forced-me-to)

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[

#### When I was in kindergarten, a friend asked me to play a game that she said her parents taught her to play only with people she loves. The game involved inappropriate sexual acts. I felt confused and uncomfortable, but I participated. Years later, I'm unsure if this would be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) and I don't know how to process these memories, especially given that my friend said her parents taught her the game.

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing your experience. What you've described sounds like a confusing and distressing situation that has understandably left you with difficult feelings and questions. While the exact definition of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) can vary, it generally refers to sexual activity between children that occurs without consent, without equality, or as a result of coercion. The fact that your friend said her parents taught her this "game" to play with loved ones raises serious concerns and suggests she may have been a victim...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-kindergarten-a-friend-asked-me-to-play-a-game-that-she-said-her-parents-taught-her-to-play-only-with-people-she-loves-the-game-involved-inappropriate-sexual-acts-i-felt-confused-and-uncomfortable-but-i-participated-years-later-im-unsure-if-this-would-be-considered-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-and-i-dont-know-how-to-process-these-memories-especially-given-that-my-friend-said-her-parents-taught-her-the-game-126 "Thank you for sharing your experience. What you've described sounds like a confusing and distressing situation that has understandably left you with difficult feelings and questions. 
While the exact definition of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) can vary, it generally refers to sexual activity between children that occurs without consent, without equality, or as a result of coercion. The fact that your friend said her parents taught her this \"game\" to play with loved ones raises serious concerns and suggests she may have been a victim...")

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Making sense of childhood experiences

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready