---
title: Making sense of childhood experiences: Expert Answers ~ Our Wave
description: Making sense of childhood experiences: 398 survivor questions answered by trauma-informed experts in the Our Wave community.
url: https://api.ourwave.org/en/learn/topics/making-sense-of-childhood-experiences.md
---

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# Making sense of childhood experiences

Ask a question

Questions about harm that happened in childhood, from abuse by adults to experiences with other children, and how those memories can shape life now.

398 questions from survivors on this topic, each answered by a trauma-informed expert.

[

#### Do you think what happened to me was abuse if I gave my consent and it was with someone my own age? To this day, I regret that experience.

🇨🇱

Thank you for reaching out and sharing something so personal. What you're describing sounds incredibly confusing and painful to carry. At such a young age, children are not capable of giving informed consent, as they don't yet have the developmental capacity, maturity, or understanding needed to truly consent to sexual activities, even with peers their own age. This isn't about intelligence or maturity -- it's simply how our brains and understanding of the world develop over time. Any experiences involving children at that age should be viewed...

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[

#### When I was younger, I was exposed to adult sexual content and had inappropriate experiences with adults online. During that same period, out of curiosity about sex, I asked my younger brother if he wanted to "play" something sexual (without penetration) and he agreed. I feel very guilty and disgusted with myself. Was this COCSA or normal childhood sexual play? Is this something very serious?

🇨🇱

Thank you for sharing your story with us. First, I want to acknowledge your courage in sharing something so difficult and painful. The feelings of guilt and disgust you describe are understandable, but I want to help you better understand this complex situation. What you describe reflects the profound impact of your early exposure to adult sexual content and inappropriate experiences with adults online. When children are exposed to sexual material or sexualized experiences before being developmentally ready, they may mimic or explore what...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-younger-i-was-exposed-to-adult-sexual-content-and-had-inappropriate-experiences-with-adults-online-during-that-same-period-out-of-curiosity-about-sex-i-asked-my-younger-brother-if-he-wanted)

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[

#### My cousin, a year younger than me, started touching me in sexual ways when we were both minors. This happened years ago, but I'm still trying to make sense of it. At first it was hugs that felt weird, but it escalated. He'd press himself against me searching for friction, he'd get into my bed at night with an erection against my body, and eventually he touched my butt and breasts and tried to get his hand under my shirt. I put boundaries up a few times but I wasn't firm about it because I didn't want things to be awkward between us, especially since we were on family vacation and still around each other all the time. I still see him at family gatherings now, and I still don't know how to think about what happened between us because we were both minors. Was something wrong with me? How do I categorize this?

🇨🇱

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience with us. It sounds like you've been carrying this quietly for a long time, and the fact that you're reaching out now, still trying to make sense of it, tells me your body knew something wasn't right. That knowing is worth trusting.

](/en/answer/a-few-years-ago-i-had-an-unpleasant-experience-i-have-a-cousin-who-is-a-year-younger-than-me-at-the-time-we-were-both-minors-when-this-started-im-160-meters-tall-and-hes-180-meters-a-lot-of-things-are-953)

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[

#### A few years ago, I had a memory resurface of when I was 11-12 years old. I briefly (for a few seconds) placed the back of my hand on a family friend's (5-year-old male) private area. I remember him saying 'that is my private area' and I immediately removed my hand and never did that again. I'm not sure why I did it. I had a lot of sexual curiosity at that age and exposure to pornography. No other sexual actions occurred between us, and there was no intent to do anything sexual. I think I was just curious. I spoke to a therapist who said this wasn't COCSA or any sexual crime, and that it's not uncommon. She noted that although there was an age difference, there were no sexual actions taken or force/manipulation used. Do you agree with my therapist? I'm not sure if this was a crime or just normal childhood exploration.

🇦🇺

Thank you for sharing this memory with us and seeking clarity about it. The confusion and concern you are feeling are completely understandable, and it shows your care for others that you're reflecting on this experience thoughtfully. Your therapist's assessment aligns with what many professionals would consider about this situation. What you're describing appears to be a brief moment of childhood curiosity rather than COCSA or criminal behavior. Several factors support this. For example, the contact was very brief, you immediately stopped whe...

](/en/answer/a-few-years-ago-i-had-a-memory-resurface-of-when-i-was-11-12-years-old-i-briefly-for-a-few-seconds-placed-the-back-of-my-hand-on-a-family-friends-5-year-old-male-private-area-i-remember-him-saying-tha)

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[

#### When I was young, my younger sibling who was 6 at the time repeatedly engaged in sexual acts with me over the course of a week. I allowed it to happen because it felt good at the time and I didn't think it was wrong. Does this count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. What you've described is a complex and confusing situation that some children face, but aren't sure how to make sense of as adults. Developmentally, it's common for children, especially young ones, to explore their bodies and engage in sexual play with other children as part of learning about their bodies and sexuality. In this vein, some degree of exploratory play between siblings is also not unusual, particularly if there hasn't been a lot of education about boundaries. However, dependin...

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[

#### When I was a child, my parents repeatedly forced enemas on me. I remember screaming and begging to stop then finally giving in, freezing and dissociating. I've only recently (30 years later) had the courage to recall this memory, of which I used to have flashbacks that made me sick. My parents are nice people, but I feel like I am a survivor of a kind of sexual abuse. Can you help me understand what happened to me?

🇮🇹

Thank you for this question. First and foremost, I want to commend you for your bravery in confronting this painful memory and seeking understanding. Recognizing the impact of childhood experiences is a courageous step in the healing process. What you've described - being repeatedly subjected to forced enemas despite your protests and distress - sounds deeply distressing and violating. The fact that you recall screaming, begging, and then dissociating (a common trauma response) underscores the emotional impact of these experiences.

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[

#### I was exposed to adult content online at a very young age (8-9) when given unrestricted internet access. This led me to engage in inappropriate sexual behavior with my younger sister on one occasion. Even though I've told my parents and closest friends who all believe I deserve forgiveness, I'm consumed by guilt and feel like I don't deserve anything good in my life. How do I move forward from this?

🇺🇸

Thank you for trusting us with this. I hear the pain and remorse in your words and I understand why the memory of that moment continues to trouble you. What you're describing is actually more common than many people realize, and your feelings of guilt show both your moral development and your capacity for empathy. From what you've described, you were both very young at the time, navigating curiosity about things you'd seen that you were not old enough to process. While it may feel overwhelming, it is important to remember that you were a child...

](/en/answer/i-was-exposed-to-adult-content-online-at-a-very-young-age-8-9-when-given-unrestricted-internet-access-this-led-me-to-engage-in-inappropriate-sexual-behavior-with-my-younger-sister-on-one-occasion-even)

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[

#### In cases of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), is it okay/normal to continue to be friends with the other child and have it be water under the bridge?

🇱🇻

Thank you so much for this question. Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) can be incredibly difficult to process, especially if you still have a relationship with the person who harmed you. When abuse occurs between children who were once friends, navigating the aftermath can be particularly complex. It is perfectly normal for you to struggle with your feelings towards the other child involved. This is really complicated stuff.

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[

#### I think I might've been groomed and sexually abused as a child, but my memory feels very scrambled. I feel guilty for thinking I might've been assaulted, what do I do?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for trusting us with this question. To start, you are not alone. It is quite common for individuals who are processing childhood trauma to feel guilt, shame, and confusion. It is also common for survivors to not want to believe what happened to them was real, or for them to have memory gaps surrounding certain details of these events. Only you know what you have experienced, but here are some of our thoughts below.

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[

#### I was nine when I was first abused. Can a nine-year-old assault another nine-year-old?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for asking this question. Yes, a nine-year-old can certainly abuse or assault another nine-year-old. For an example of this, take a look at this question we recently responded to another survivor who experienced abuse by a peer at age nine. You can also learn more about child-on-child sexual abuse here. Thank you so much for asking this question. Your experience matters and you are not alone.

](/en/answer/i-was-nine-when-i-was-first-abused-can-a-nine-year-old-assault-another-nine-year-old-171)

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[

#### When I was young, around 6-7 years old, I had sexual experiences with my cousin who was a year older. I also remember situations where my parents had sexual relations while I was in bed with them, thinking I was asleep. I'm seeking guidance about whether these experiences constitute sexual abuse.

🇲🇽

Thank you for reaching out and sharing these memories and concerns with us. When looking back at childhood experiences, especially those involving boundaries and intimacy, it can be confusing to interpret them with our adult understanding. At the ages of six or seven, children are naturally curious about their bodies and the world around them. It's common for children to explore and mimic behaviors they observe, even without fully grasping their meaning.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-young-around-6-7-years-old-i-had-sexual-experiences-with-my-cousin-who-was-a-year-older-i-also-remember-situations-where-my-parents-had-sexual-relations-while-i-was-in-bed-with-them-thinkin)

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[

#### In the context sexual behaviour between children of the same or similar ages, what sort of behaviours might be considered coercion?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this question. When discussing sexual behavior among children or adolescents of similar ages, it's important to be sensitive to the developmental nuances surrounding healthy sexual exploration and areas where coercion can occur. Coercion in these contexts can take various forms, but generally involves pressuring or manipulating someone into sexual activity they're not comfortable with or ready for.

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[

#### After being groomed as a teen by someone older, all the relationships I seek out are with people around the same age as my assailant. I just don’t feel attracted to others. Is this normal. Can it be healthy?

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It takes courage to open up about such a sensitive and personal topic. I want you to know that your feelings and experiences are valid, and you're not alone in what you're going through. It's not uncommon for survivors of grooming and sexual abuse to be drawn to partners similar in age to their assailant. This pattern often stems from the trauma you experienced during a formative time in your life. I understand that might feel distressing or confusing. Let me expand on some potential reasons why y...

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[

#### If one cousin was 13 and another cousin was 5, and the older child initiated kissing, asked both of them to expose themselves to each other, and continued kissing, would this be considered COCSA? It happened one time.

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out with this question. I can hear that you're trying to understand what happened and how to label this experience, which is an important part of processing. COCSA (Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse) typically refers to sexual interactions between children where there is a significant age or developmental gap, coercion, force, or where one child doesn't understand or cannot consent to what's happening. The situation you're describing does involve a significant age difference—13 and 5 represent very different developmenta...

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#### Is it still child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) or sexual assault if the offender feels bad for it and feels guilty?

🇺🇸

Thank you for bringing up this important question. To answer your question simply: Yes, it is still considered COCSA or sexual assault even if the offender feels bad for their actions and feels guilty afterward. The feelings of the person who committed the harmful act do not change the nature of what happened or its impact on the person who was harmed.Sexual abuse and assault are defined by actions that violate someone's boundaries and consent, regardless of the offender's intentions or subsequent emotions. While an offender's guilt may indica...

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[

#### Why did my cousin and I touch each other's private parts when we were little? Is this normal or does it mean something concerning?

🇲🇽

It's completely understandable to wonder about childhood memories like these. When we look back on our early years, it's natural to have questions about behaviors that seem confusing or surprising in hindsight, and it's brave of you to seek information to better understand what happened.

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#### When I was around 6-7 years old, another child of a similar age repeatedly pressured, emotionally manipulated, and guilt-tripped me into engaging in oral sex. Despite me saying no numerous times, he continued to pressure me until I eventually complied. Does this count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this question and I am so sorry you experienced this. Based on the information you've shared, it sounds like what you experienced could be child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). The repeated pressure, emotional manipulation, and guilt-tripping to engage in sexual acts, even though you both were young, is concerning and may constitute abusive behavior. Your repeated refusals should have been respected, and the fact that the other child continued to coerce you until you complied suggests a violation of your boundaries and autono...

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#### Growing up my father used to run his hand up my thighs and touch me. I’ve told people about it and they have all said “your fine your just being dramatic” or “it wasn’t his fault. Your father just doesn’t understand boundaries. Get over it”. Are they right am I just being dramatic?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for reaching out to us about this. What you are describing is a serious violation of trust and safety and could certainly be considered sexual abuse. When a parent touches a child's body in ways that feel sexual or uncomfortable, that's never acceptable behavior. Parents absolutely understand appropriate and inappropriate ways to touch their children - this does not sound like a simple boundary misunderstanding.

](/en/answer/growing-up-my-father-used-to-run-his-hand-up-my-thighs-and-touch-me-ive-told-people-about-it-and-they-have-all-said-your-fine-your-just-being-dramatic-or-it-wasnt-his-fault-your-father-just-doesnt-understand-boundaries-get-over-it-are-they-right-am-i-just-being-dramatic-328)

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#### I’ve heard that trauma can often cause the victim to develop kinks related to it, but what’s the youngest this can happen? I've had certain preoccupations since elementary school that I don't understand. Is this related to early experiences, and why might it happen?

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out about this sensitive topic. It's understandable to have questions about your experiences and feelings. Trauma can influence a person's interests or fixations, but it's important to understand that this is a complex topic without simple answers. The development of interests, including sexual ones, is influenced by many factors and can begin at different ages for different individuals.

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#### Can it count as abuse even if this other person is also a woman and was around 10 years old? I feel like everyone is going to say that it doesn't count as abuse just for this reason.

🇲🇽

Thank you so much for this question. First and foremost, it’s important to remember that only you can define what happened to you. Sexual violence is deeply personal, and how you understand and process your experiences is entirely up to you. While we aim to provide support and information, please know that we are not here to label or define your experience. Your experience is yours and yours alone.

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#### When I was 16, my 15-year-old boyfriend pressured me into sexual activity at a party. I have autism and struggle with social cues. I didn't want to do it but nodded after he kept begging. I never told him to stop, but afterwards I left and threw up. I felt very uncomfortable afterward but never told him. Was this assault? Is it valid if the other person was younger?

🇬🇧

Thank you so much for trusting us with this deeply personal experience. It sounds like a difficult situation, and your feelings about it are important. While I can provide information and perspective based on what you've shared, only you can decide how to label what happened to you. No one else can tell you how to feel about it or what to call it. Your feelings are valid, whatever they are.

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#### If a 12-year-old briefly touched and penetrated a 10-year-old's vagina without permission while in the shower, would this be considered COCSA? If this were shared with a therapist now, could mandatory reporting requirements apply? Is that because penetration makes this more serious than other types of touch?

🇺🇸

What you're describing does sound like it falls under the umbrella of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). COCSA refers to any sexual interaction between children where there is a significant difference in age, development, power, or where one child doesn't or cannot consent. The two-year age gap between a 12-year-old and a 10-year-old, combined with the lack of permission and the nature of the contact, leads me to believe that this situation meets those criteria.

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#### When I was between 7-9 years old, I asked my aunt about kissing. She told me to kiss her and kept pressuring me even though I looked very uncomfortable. I didn't do it, and she said something about "testing me." This happened at my sibling's birthday party when no one was watching. She wouldn't have done this in front of anyone, especially my parents. What does this mean, and how should I understand what happened?

🇯🇴

Thank you for reaching out to us. What you experienced was inappropriate and concerning behavior from an adult. When you were curious about kissing as a young child, your aunt responded in a way that crossed boundaries and made you uncomfortable. Your discomfort was your natural instinct recognizing that something wasn't right, and you trusted that feeling by not complying with her pressure.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-between-7-9-years-old-i-asked-my-aunt-about-kissing-she-told-me-to-kiss-her-and-kept-pressuring-me-even-though-i-looked-very-uncomfortable-i-didnt-do-it-and-she-said-something-about-testing "When I was between 7-9 years old, I asked my aunt about kissing. She told me to kiss her and kept pressuring me even though I looked very uncomfortable. I didn't do it, and she said something about \"testing me.\" This happened at my sibling's birthday party when no one was watching. She wouldn't have done this in front of anyone, especially my parents. What does this mean, and how should I understand what happened?")

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#### I'm struggling to differentiate between normal childhood curiosity and sexual abuse. These are two hypothetical situations: 1. A twelve-year-old started touching and kissing a four-year-old. She asked them to stop. This happened twice. 2. A twelve-year-old briefly inappropriately touched a four-year-old's private area over clothing, and when asked to stop, they immediately did and nothing more happened ever again. Would situation 1 be viewed as sexual assault/abuse, and situation 2 be viewed as normal childhood curiosity?

🇺🇸

Thanks for asking aboout this. The distinction between normal childhood curiosity and problematic sexual behavior involves several important factors, with age differences and genuine mutuality being key considerations. A key difference lies in the age gap between the children and the presence or absence of genuine mutuality. When a four-year-old is interacting with a twelve-year-old, there is already a significant disparity in power, understanding, and development. Children that young do not have the capacity to consent, and a much older child...

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#### When I was in high school, my boyfriend would touch me inappropriately in public without my consent. This happened 12 years ago, but it still affects me today. Is it normal that I'm still impacted by this experience, and is it okay that I sometimes wonder if what happened was assault?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us! It is completely understandable that you still feel affected by what happened, even after twelve years. Moments like the ones you describe, when someone touches you without asking and goes against your boundaries, can stay with you for a long time, no matter how young you were or how much time has passed. What you experienced was a violation of your boundaries and your bodily autonomy, and it's completely normal to question the nature of those experiences, especially when you cared about the person at the time.

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#### I have a hard time with touch due to sexual trauma in my childhood, but I Have two kids who are always touching me. Is there a way to cope with all of that touching?

🇺🇸

Having a hard time with physical touch after sexual trauma is normal. Even if the present touching is not sexual in nature, it can trigger past traumas when you were touched without your permission. To manage this, try to notice what physically happens to your body when someone touches you. Feelings can include shortness of breath, feelings tense, racing heartbeat, dizziness, or blurry vision. Once you notice how your body reacts to physical touch, you can better figure out how to self-soothe and manage these reactions.

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#### When I was 13, someone older inappropriately touched me. I'm still unsure if the touch was sexual in nature, but it left me feeling confused and angry. I kept quiet about it for a long time, though it made me sad. Will I ever stop feeling guilty about not speaking up sooner?

🇦🇷

Thank you so much for sharing your intimate feelings with us. Feelings of guilt about not speaking up sooner are completely normal, but please know that keeping quiet was not wrong or your fault. Many people stay silent about uncomfortable or traumatic experiences, especially when they happen during childhood. Confusion about the nature of the touch is absolutely valid - our minds and bodies often need time to process experiences that feel violating or uncomfortable. Your courage in exploring these feelings now shows incredible strength.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-13-someone-older-inappropriately-touched-me-im-still-unsure-if-the-touch-was-sexual-in-nature-but-it-left-me-feeling-confused-and-angry-i-kept-quiet-about-it-for-a-long-time-though-it-made-me-sad-will-i-ever-stop-feeling-guilty-about-not-speaking-up-sooner-335)

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#### When I was 10, a friend who had also physically and emotionally abused me kissed me on the cheek without warning and without my consent. It only happened once and never again. At the time I felt more surprised and numb than upset, but thinking about it now makes me uncomfortable. Does this count as sexual harassment or assault, or am I overthinking things?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this. You are not overthinking this by asking the question. But I also don't want to hand you a label that makes something bigger than it needs to be. Kids freeze sometimes when something unexpected happens to their body, even something small. That numbness at ten does not mean something terrible happened, and it does not mean nothing happened either. It just means your body did not have a clear reaction ready in the moment, which is common and says nothing about the severity of what occurred.

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#### When I was 3 years old, my sibling, who was 6 at the time, began sexually experimenting on me. She had never been abused herself as far as I know, but she had been exposed to pornography, and she kept doing this with me for months, eventually pulling her friends into it too. I can't find any information or support that speaks to this specific situation. I want to understand why it happened.

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for sharing something so personal with us. What happened to you was real and I am sorry it has been challenging to find information related to this specific type of abuse. You are not alone. COCSA, or child-on-child sexual abuse, is already under-researched. Add a very young age, a sibling relationship, pornography as a likely cause, and other children pulled in, and the research gets even thinner. That's not because your experience is rare or too strange to be real. It's because the field hasn't caught up. Most funding...

](/en/answer/why-is-it-so-hard-finding-information-about-very-specific-types-of-cocsa-i-need-support-but-i-cannot-find-anything-that-relates-i-was-3-years-old-being-sexually-abused-by-a-6-year-old-sibling-whos-nev-942)

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#### I was groomed online and my groomer made me sext with another child around to my age. I don't know how much I should be responsible for hurting the child. I don't know if I’m even a victim in this situation. I don’t know how much I was really forced, considering it was all online.

🇨🇦

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. Let me be very clear: you are absolutely a victim in this situation. Online grooming is a serious form of abuse, and the fact it happened virtually doesn't diminish its impact. The adult who manipulated you holds full responsibility for orchestrating abuse between two children.

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#### Why didn't my parents recognize my trauma? There were clear signs - my behavior changed suddenly, and they tried to talk to me but I couldn't tell them what happened. I wish they had pushed harder for therapy or found ways to help me open up.

🇦🇷

Thank you for sharing this painful question about parents missing signs of trauma. It's a complex situation that deserves careful exploration, as it touches on both the limitations parents may face and the very real hurt their children experience when trauma goes unrecognized.

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#### Does it count as sexual assault if another child touched me inappropriately when I was young, even though I wasn't raped?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this. What you experienced could absolutely count as sexual assault depending on the context. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual contact, and it doesn't require penetration or rape to be valid or harmful. When someone touches your body in sexual ways without your consent, whether they're an adult or another child, that can be characterized as sexual assault, and your experience and feelings about it matter completely.

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#### Is it considered incestuous to have engaged in mutual, same-age roleplay kissing with a cousin for several years when I was a kid? How do I stop fearing that my loved ones would be disgusted by me if they knew, or that my cousin was secretly hurt or traumatized by what happened?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this. It is common for children who are close in age to have moments of exploration or roleplay as they learn about the world and their own bodies. Many people recall simple kissing, games, or other forms of experimentation they had as children and later wonder if it was wrong, especially when it happens within a family relationship like with a cousin. Children at a young age don't yet have the full understanding or intent that adults associate with sexuality, and they often imitate what they've seen or sensed in their env...

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#### I was sexually abused by three older girls when I was 6-9 years old, and as a result, I acted out sexually against my younger sister when I was 10. I deeply regret my actions and want to tell my parents and apologize to my sister, but I'm afraid of losing my family and facing legal consequences. What should I do?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for asking this extremely difficult question. To start, I want you to know that the abuse you experienced was not your fault. The actions taken against you by those older girls were wrong, and it's understandable that their words and actions had a profound impact on your mind at that young age. It's not uncommon for children who have been sexually abused to be confused about sexual boundaries or act out sexually themselves. This is a reflection of the trauma you endured, not a reflection of who you are as a person.

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#### I had an experience when I was young with another boy around my age which involved guilt tripping and other types of emotional manipulation into oral sex. It really impacted me, but I often struggle with feeling like my experience doesn't matter or isn't as serious as other forms of abuse despite all the research I did on the subject indicating it was child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). How can I learn to accept that what happened impacted me and learn not to compare my experiences to others?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this question. I want to start by affirming that your experience absolutely matters, and the impact it had on you is valid and real. Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) is a serious form of sexual violence that can have lasting effects on survivors, regardless of the age of the person who harmed you.

](/en/answer/i-had-an-experience-when-i-was-young-with-another-boy-around-my-age-which-involved-guilt-tripping-and-other-types-of-emotional-manipulation-into-oral-sex-it-really-impacted-me-but-i-often-struggle-with-feeling-like-my-experience-doesnt-matter-or-isnt-as-serious-as-other-forms-of-abuse-despite-all-the-research-i-did-on-the-subject-indicating-it-was-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-how-can-i-learn-to-accept-that-what-happened-impacted-me-and-learn-not-to-compare-my-experiences-to-others-122)

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#### Me and another 13-year-old were hanging out after school like we usually did. He asked me if I wanted to do "stuff," and I hesitated at first before saying yes. I've never told anyone. Does saying yes mean it wasn't COCSA?

🇺🇸

Thank you for trusting us with this. To answer your question directly, saying yes does not automatically close the question of whether this experience was fully consensual or whether it left a mark on you. But I also want to be honest with you that what you've described sits in genuinely complex territory, and only you can decide what language, if any, feels right for your own experience.

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#### When I was around 11, I initiated body rubbing with a younger sibling on about three occasions. As I got older, I realized this wasn't appropriate behavior, and I feel terrible guilt about it. Was there something wrong with me to do this? Is this normal behavior?

🇬🇧

Thank you for sharing your feelings about this deeply personal experience. It's understandable that you're grappling with guilt and confusion as you reflect on what happened when you were younger. The guilt and concern you feel shows that you understand boundaries now in ways you didn't as a child, and that recognition is actually a sign of healthy development and empathy.

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#### When I was very young (5-7), my slightly older cousin (6-8) initiated sexual behavior with me. I agreed without feeling pressured or scared, and I don't think either of us really understood what we were doing. Is this considered a form of abuse or child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), even though I didn't feel negatively about it at the time?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this question. While I can't make definitive judgments, and only you can label your experiences, I can provide some general information that might help you process what happened to you at that age. Interactions like this between young children are often referred to as "sexual play" or "sexual behaviors in children." When both children are very young and close in age, as in your situation, it's generally not considered Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) if there was no coercion, pressure, or power imbalance involved.

](/en/answer/of-course-heres-a-shortened-version-that-keeps-the-cousin-context-when-i-was-very-young-5-7-my-slightly-older-cousin-6-8-initiated-sexual-behavior-with-me-i-agreed-without-feeling-pressured-or-scared-and-i-dont-think-either-of-us-really-understood-what-we-were-doing-is-this-considered-a-form-of-abuse-or-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-even-though-i-didnt-feel-negatively-about-it-at-the-time-282 "Thank you for asking this question. While I can't make definitive judgments, and only you can label your experiences, I can provide some general information that might help you process what happened to you at that age.
Interactions like this between young children are often referred to as \"sexual play\" or \"sexual behaviors in children.\" When both children are very young and close in age, as in your situation, it's generally not considered Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) if there was no coercion, pressure, or power imbalance involved.")

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#### When I was around 6-7, my older sister (11-12) would initiate 'tongue kissing' with me. While I never verbally objected, I felt uncomfortable and guilty afterward. I had forgotten about this until recently (I'm now 22), but these memories keep surfacing. I'm struggling with physical intimacy in my relationships and wonder if there's a connection. I have several questions. Am I overreacting to these memories? Could my mind be fabricating these experiences? Is it possible there were other incidents I can't remember? Could this be related to my difficulty with physical intimacy in relationships? I also suspect my sister may have been sexually abused herself, though I'm not certain.

🇬🇧

Thank you for trusting us with this. Your memories and feelings are completely valid, and you are not overreacting. What you're describing was inappropriate sexual contact, though it's important to recognize that your sister was a child herself. Memory gaps and delayed recognition of childhood trauma are common protective responses of our brains. Children sometimes engage in inappropriate behavior without fully understanding the impact of their actions, often due to natural curiosity or, sometimes, their own experiences of abuse.

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#### When I was 13, I briefly placed my hand on a younger child's crotch and moved it when he indicated it was his private area. I was going through puberty and experiencing curiosity, without intent to do anything sexual. My therapist said this would be considered inappropriate exploration due to the age gap, but not COCSA, sexual assault, molestation, or criminal activity. I'm wondering if you agree with this assessment and whether there's an age at which exploration becomes something different.

🇺🇸

I can hear how much weight you've been carrying about this memory, and I'm glad you've been working with a therapist to process it. Your therapist's assessment aligns with what research tells us about childhood sexual development. When children and young adolescents explore bodies and boundaries, there is a wide range of what professionals consider typical sexual curiosity. For behavior to be labeled criminal or to be considered an assault, there generally must be intention to harm, a significant violation of one child's safety or autonom...

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#### When I was in kindergarten, a friend asked me to play a game that she said her parents taught her to play only with people she loves. The game involved inappropriate sexual acts. I felt confused and uncomfortable, but I participated. Years later, I'm unsure if this would be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) and I don't know how to process these memories, especially given that my friend said her parents taught her the game.

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing your experience. What you've described sounds like a confusing and distressing situation that has understandably left you with difficult feelings and questions. While the exact definition of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) can vary, it generally refers to sexual activity between children that occurs without consent, without equality, or as a result of coercion. The fact that your friend said her parents taught her this "game" to play with loved ones raises serious concerns and suggests she may have been a victim...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-kindergarten-a-friend-asked-me-to-play-a-game-that-she-said-her-parents-taught-her-to-play-only-with-people-she-loves-the-game-involved-inappropriate-sexual-acts-i-felt-confused-and-uncomfortable-but-i-participated-years-later-im-unsure-if-this-would-be-considered-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-and-i-dont-know-how-to-process-these-memories-especially-given-that-my-friend-said-her-parents-taught-her-the-game-126 "Thank you for sharing your experience. What you've described sounds like a confusing and distressing situation that has understandably left you with difficult feelings and questions. 
While the exact definition of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) can vary, it generally refers to sexual activity between children that occurs without consent, without equality, or as a result of coercion. The fact that your friend said her parents taught her this \"game\" to play with loved ones raises serious concerns and suggests she may have been a victim...")

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#### Will I be able to feel aroused again after childhood sexual assault? I am 30-year-old female and have found it extremely difficult to enjoy sex or masturbation for years now, let alone orgasm. What’s going on?

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Thank you for sharing this sensitive and important question. What you're experiencing is a common and understandable reaction to childhood sexual assault. Many survivors struggle with sexual difficulties, including low arousal, trouble enjoying sexual activities, and difficulty reaching orgasm. These issues often stem from the trauma's impact on your mind and body's associations with sex and intimacy.

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#### When I was younger (8 years old) another guy (12 or 13 years old) who was a few years older sexually touched my private area and performed oral acts on me. Before he touched me each time he asked if he could and I just sat there and shook my head yes because of how shocked I was by his question. Is that considered molestation or nothing really?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us. I'm sorry that you went through that situation. To answer your question, what you've described is a form of childhood sexual abuse. When there is a significant age difference or power imbalance between children, and sexual contact occurs, this is not considered normal childhood exploration or play. Your experience of freezing and nodding yes while feeling shocked is an extremely common trauma response. Many survivors experience this "freeze" response during traumatic situations - it's a biological reaction tha...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-younger-8-years-old-another-guy-12-or-13-years-old-who-was-a-few-years-older-sexually-touched-my-private-area-and-performed-oral-acts-on-me-before-he-touched-me-each-time-he-asked-if-he-cou "Thank you for reaching out to us. I'm sorry that you went through that situation. To answer your question, what you've described is a form of childhood sexual abuse. When there is a significant age difference or power imbalance between children, and sexual contact occurs, this is not considered normal childhood exploration or play. Your experience of freezing and nodding yes while feeling shocked is an extremely common trauma response. Many survivors experience this \"freeze\" response during traumatic situations - it's a biological reaction tha...")

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#### When I was a child (8), an older family member (13) wanted to play 'boyfriend and girlfriend' in the bathtub. During this 'game,' they kissed me and touched me while I was undressed and they remained clothed. At the time, I thought it was just playing, but now looking back I realize how inappropriate that was. I don't know if this was COCSA and it's driving me crazy trying to figure it out.

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing your experience and for the courage it takes to reach out about something that's been weighing on your mind. It makes sense to look back on this moment with confusion, especially now that you understand more about healthy boundaries and how children relate to each other. It's completely understandable that you're trying to make sense of what happened, especially when childhood experiences can feel confusing to process as an adult.

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#### When I was very young (7-9 years), I engaged in sexual touching with my younger sister during bath time. Years later when I learned about inappropriate sexual contact, I felt disgusted and ashamed about what I had done. Do I deserve to feel this way about my childhood actions?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us. When you were between 7 and 9 years old, you were still very much a child learning about the world. At that age, children are naturally curious about their bodies and the differences between themselves and others. This curiosity is a normal part of development, and young children often do not fully understand boundaries or the implications of their actions, especially regarding concepts like sexuality or consent. Children naturally explore their bodies and sometimes engage with siblings or peers in ways t...

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#### When I was in 7th grade, a boy who knew I had a crush on him would make sexual jokes around me and ask inappropriate sexual questions. He would offer me money or snacks to get me to answer these questions. I eventually answered because I wanted him to stop asking. I'm wondering if this could be considered grooming, even though we were the same age.

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us. What you experienced was absolutely not okay, and I want you to know that your feelings about this situation are completely valid. While the term "grooming" is typically used to describe behaviors by adults toward minors, what you're describing involves harmful sexual behavior that created pressure and discomfort for you.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio "Thank you for reaching out to us. What you experienced was absolutely not okay, and I want you to know that your feelings about this situation are completely valid. While the term \"grooming\" is typically used to describe behaviors by adults toward minors, what you're describing involves harmful sexual behavior that created pressure and discomfort for you.")

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#### I experienced a sexual situation with my cousin when I was 8 and she was around 12. At the time, I didn't feel affected by it, but now that I'm older, it's impacting me. I'm unsure how to process this, considering our ages at the time and her possible awareness of her actions. How can I understand and cope with these complex feelings?

🇨🇦

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience. It's completely normal for feelings about childhood experiences to change as we grow older. Our ability to process and understand events evolves with time, and something that didn't seem significant then may carry more weight now.

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#### When I was 8 years old and my brother was around 4, we engaged in inappropriate physical contact during play. I had previously experienced sexual abuse from another young family member, and I'm now concerned that I may have perpetuated harmful behavior. I've never discussed this with my brother, but I carry guilt about these interactions. I need help understanding these childhood events and whether I was acting out learned behavior from my own abuse.

🇦🇷

Thank you for reaching out and sharing this deeply personal experience. It takes courage to reflect on your past and seek understanding about something that's weighing on you, especially when you fear you have caused harm to others.When children engage in sexual behaviors with other children, it can be a complex issue influenced by various factors, including natural curiosity, exposure to sexual content, or as in your case, prior experiences of abuse. At the age of eight, you were still very much a child yourself, trying to make sense of the w...

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#### When I was 13, I was on a trip with my uncle and we shared a room. He invited me to take off my pajamas, and he was naked too. He touched me and fingered me, and I had my first orgasm. He told me to say stop if I felt uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything even though I felt terribly uncomfortable. It only happened once, and he's acted completely normal ever since, like it never happened. We still see each other at family gatherings. I don't know what to think about this. Sometimes it feels like nothing really happened because we didn't have sex and it only happened once. But I also have a lot of feelings of guilt and shame because I didn't say stop. What should I think about this experience?

🇨🇿

I'm so sorry you went through such a painful and confusing experience. It can be deeply upsetting to look back on an event like that and question everything, especially when it's someone in your family who made you feel uncomfortable. What your uncle did to you was sexual abuse. You were a child, and he was an adult in a position of trust and authority who had much more power and responsibility. Even if there was no visible force or "traditional" form of rape, what happened to you was still a violation.

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#### When I was about 4 years old my 9 year old sister started forcing me to kiss her on the mouth, I never wanted to do it but she forced me to, does it count as abuse? Or am I just being dramatic?

🇲🇽

Thank you so much for this question. You are not being dramatic. First and foremost, it’s important to remember that only you can define what happened to you. Sexual violence is deeply personal, and how you understand and process your experiences is entirely up to you. While we aim to provide support and information, please know that we are not here to label or define your experience. Your experience is yours and yours alone.

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#### Do you think what happened to me was abuse if I gave my consent and it was with someone my own age? To this day, I regret that experience.

🇨🇱

Thank you for reaching out and sharing something so personal. What you're describing sounds incredibly confusing and painful to carry. At such a young age, children are not capable of giving informed consent, as they don't yet have the developmental capacity, maturity, or understanding needed to truly consent to sexual activities, even with peers their own age. This isn't about intelligence or maturity -- it's simply how our brains and understanding of the world develop over time. Any experiences involving children at that age should be viewed...

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#### A few years ago, I had a memory resurface of when I was 11-12 years old. I briefly (for a few seconds) placed the back of my hand on a family friend's (5-year-old male) private area. I remember him saying 'that is my private area' and I immediately removed my hand and never did that again. I'm not sure why I did it. I had a lot of sexual curiosity at that age and exposure to pornography. No other sexual actions occurred between us, and there was no intent to do anything sexual. I think I was just curious. I spoke to a therapist who said this wasn't COCSA or any sexual crime, and that it's not uncommon. She noted that although there was an age difference, there were no sexual actions taken or force/manipulation used. Do you agree with my therapist? I'm not sure if this was a crime or just normal childhood exploration.

🇦🇺

Thank you for sharing this memory with us and seeking clarity about it. The confusion and concern you are feeling are completely understandable, and it shows your care for others that you're reflecting on this experience thoughtfully. Your therapist's assessment aligns with what many professionals would consider about this situation. What you're describing appears to be a brief moment of childhood curiosity rather than COCSA or criminal behavior. Several factors support this. For example, the contact was very brief, you immediately stopped whe...

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#### I was exposed to adult content online at a very young age (8-9) when given unrestricted internet access. This led me to engage in inappropriate sexual behavior with my younger sister on one occasion. Even though I've told my parents and closest friends who all believe I deserve forgiveness, I'm consumed by guilt and feel like I don't deserve anything good in my life. How do I move forward from this?

🇺🇸

Thank you for trusting us with this. I hear the pain and remorse in your words and I understand why the memory of that moment continues to trouble you. What you're describing is actually more common than many people realize, and your feelings of guilt show both your moral development and your capacity for empathy. From what you've described, you were both very young at the time, navigating curiosity about things you'd seen that you were not old enough to process. While it may feel overwhelming, it is important to remember that you were a child...

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#### I was nine when I was first abused. Can a nine-year-old assault another nine-year-old?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for asking this question. Yes, a nine-year-old can certainly abuse or assault another nine-year-old. For an example of this, take a look at this question we recently responded to another survivor who experienced abuse by a peer at age nine. You can also learn more about child-on-child sexual abuse here. Thank you so much for asking this question. Your experience matters and you are not alone.

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#### After being groomed as a teen by someone older, all the relationships I seek out are with people around the same age as my assailant. I just don’t feel attracted to others. Is this normal. Can it be healthy?

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It takes courage to open up about such a sensitive and personal topic. I want you to know that your feelings and experiences are valid, and you're not alone in what you're going through. It's not uncommon for survivors of grooming and sexual abuse to be drawn to partners similar in age to their assailant. This pattern often stems from the trauma you experienced during a formative time in your life. I understand that might feel distressing or confusing. Let me expand on some potential reasons why y...

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#### Why did my cousin and I touch each other's private parts when we were little? Is this normal or does it mean something concerning?

🇲🇽

It's completely understandable to wonder about childhood memories like these. When we look back on our early years, it's natural to have questions about behaviors that seem confusing or surprising in hindsight, and it's brave of you to seek information to better understand what happened.

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#### I’ve heard that trauma can often cause the victim to develop kinks related to it, but what’s the youngest this can happen? I've had certain preoccupations since elementary school that I don't understand. Is this related to early experiences, and why might it happen?

🇰🇼

Thank you for reaching out about this sensitive topic. It's understandable to have questions about your experiences and feelings. Trauma can influence a person's interests or fixations, but it's important to understand that this is a complex topic without simple answers. The development of interests, including sexual ones, is influenced by many factors and can begin at different ages for different individuals.

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#### If a 12-year-old briefly touched and penetrated a 10-year-old's vagina without permission while in the shower, would this be considered COCSA? If this were shared with a therapist now, could mandatory reporting requirements apply? Is that because penetration makes this more serious than other types of touch?

🇺🇸

What you're describing does sound like it falls under the umbrella of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). COCSA refers to any sexual interaction between children where there is a significant difference in age, development, power, or where one child doesn't or cannot consent. The two-year age gap between a 12-year-old and a 10-year-old, combined with the lack of permission and the nature of the contact, leads me to believe that this situation meets those criteria.

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#### When I was in high school, my boyfriend would touch me inappropriately in public without my consent. This happened 12 years ago, but it still affects me today. Is it normal that I'm still impacted by this experience, and is it okay that I sometimes wonder if what happened was assault?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us! It is completely understandable that you still feel affected by what happened, even after twelve years. Moments like the ones you describe, when someone touches you without asking and goes against your boundaries, can stay with you for a long time, no matter how young you were or how much time has passed. What you experienced was a violation of your boundaries and your bodily autonomy, and it's completely normal to question the nature of those experiences, especially when you cared about the person at the time.

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#### When I was 10, a friend who had also physically and emotionally abused me kissed me on the cheek without warning and without my consent. It only happened once and never again. At the time I felt more surprised and numb than upset, but thinking about it now makes me uncomfortable. Does this count as sexual harassment or assault, or am I overthinking things?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this. You are not overthinking this by asking the question. But I also don't want to hand you a label that makes something bigger than it needs to be. Kids freeze sometimes when something unexpected happens to their body, even something small. That numbness at ten does not mean something terrible happened, and it does not mean nothing happened either. It just means your body did not have a clear reaction ready in the moment, which is common and says nothing about the severity of what occurred.

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#### Why didn't my parents recognize my trauma? There were clear signs - my behavior changed suddenly, and they tried to talk to me but I couldn't tell them what happened. I wish they had pushed harder for therapy or found ways to help me open up.

🇦🇷

Thank you for sharing this painful question about parents missing signs of trauma. It's a complex situation that deserves careful exploration, as it touches on both the limitations parents may face and the very real hurt their children experience when trauma goes unrecognized.

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#### I was sexually abused by three older girls when I was 6-9 years old, and as a result, I acted out sexually against my younger sister when I was 10. I deeply regret my actions and want to tell my parents and apologize to my sister, but I'm afraid of losing my family and facing legal consequences. What should I do?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for asking this extremely difficult question. To start, I want you to know that the abuse you experienced was not your fault. The actions taken against you by those older girls were wrong, and it's understandable that their words and actions had a profound impact on your mind at that young age. It's not uncommon for children who have been sexually abused to be confused about sexual boundaries or act out sexually themselves. This is a reflection of the trauma you endured, not a reflection of who you are as a person.

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#### When I was around 11, I initiated body rubbing with a younger sibling on about three occasions. As I got older, I realized this wasn't appropriate behavior, and I feel terrible guilt about it. Was there something wrong with me to do this? Is this normal behavior?

🇬🇧

Thank you for sharing your feelings about this deeply personal experience. It's understandable that you're grappling with guilt and confusion as you reflect on what happened when you were younger. The guilt and concern you feel shows that you understand boundaries now in ways you didn't as a child, and that recognition is actually a sign of healthy development and empathy.

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#### When I was 13, I briefly placed my hand on a younger child's crotch and moved it when he indicated it was his private area. I was going through puberty and experiencing curiosity, without intent to do anything sexual. My therapist said this would be considered inappropriate exploration due to the age gap, but not COCSA, sexual assault, molestation, or criminal activity. I'm wondering if you agree with this assessment and whether there's an age at which exploration becomes something different.

🇺🇸

I can hear how much weight you've been carrying about this memory, and I'm glad you've been working with a therapist to process it. Your therapist's assessment aligns with what research tells us about childhood sexual development. When children and young adolescents explore bodies and boundaries, there is a wide range of what professionals consider typical sexual curiosity. For behavior to be labeled criminal or to be considered an assault, there generally must be intention to harm, a significant violation of one child's safety or autonom...

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#### When I was younger (8 years old) another guy (12 or 13 years old) who was a few years older sexually touched my private area and performed oral acts on me. Before he touched me each time he asked if he could and I just sat there and shook my head yes because of how shocked I was by his question. Is that considered molestation or nothing really?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us. I'm sorry that you went through that situation. To answer your question, what you've described is a form of childhood sexual abuse. When there is a significant age difference or power imbalance between children, and sexual contact occurs, this is not considered normal childhood exploration or play. Your experience of freezing and nodding yes while feeling shocked is an extremely common trauma response. Many survivors experience this "freeze" response during traumatic situations - it's a biological reaction tha...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-younger-8-years-old-another-guy-12-or-13-years-old-who-was-a-few-years-older-sexually-touched-my-private-area-and-performed-oral-acts-on-me-before-he-touched-me-each-time-he-asked-if-he-cou "Thank you for reaching out to us. I'm sorry that you went through that situation. To answer your question, what you've described is a form of childhood sexual abuse. When there is a significant age difference or power imbalance between children, and sexual contact occurs, this is not considered normal childhood exploration or play. Your experience of freezing and nodding yes while feeling shocked is an extremely common trauma response. Many survivors experience this \"freeze\" response during traumatic situations - it's a biological reaction tha...")

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#### When I was in 7th grade, a boy who knew I had a crush on him would make sexual jokes around me and ask inappropriate sexual questions. He would offer me money or snacks to get me to answer these questions. I eventually answered because I wanted him to stop asking. I'm wondering if this could be considered grooming, even though we were the same age.

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us. What you experienced was absolutely not okay, and I want you to know that your feelings about this situation are completely valid. While the term "grooming" is typically used to describe behaviors by adults toward minors, what you're describing involves harmful sexual behavior that created pressure and discomfort for you.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-7th-grade-a-boy-who-knew-i-had-a-crush-on-him-would-make-sexual-jokes-around-me-and-ask-inappropriate-sexual-questions-he-would-offer-me-money-or-snacks-to-get-me-to-answer-these-questio "Thank you for reaching out to us. What you experienced was absolutely not okay, and I want you to know that your feelings about this situation are completely valid. While the term \"grooming\" is typically used to describe behaviors by adults toward minors, what you're describing involves harmful sexual behavior that created pressure and discomfort for you.")

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#### When I was 13, I was on a trip with my uncle and we shared a room. He invited me to take off my pajamas, and he was naked too. He touched me and fingered me, and I had my first orgasm. He told me to say stop if I felt uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything even though I felt terribly uncomfortable. It only happened once, and he's acted completely normal ever since, like it never happened. We still see each other at family gatherings. I don't know what to think about this. Sometimes it feels like nothing really happened because we didn't have sex and it only happened once. But I also have a lot of feelings of guilt and shame because I didn't say stop. What should I think about this experience?

🇨🇿

I'm so sorry you went through such a painful and confusing experience. It can be deeply upsetting to look back on an event like that and question everything, especially when it's someone in your family who made you feel uncomfortable. What your uncle did to you was sexual abuse. You were a child, and he was an adult in a position of trust and authority who had much more power and responsibility. Even if there was no visible force or "traditional" form of rape, what happened to you was still a violation.

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#### When I was younger, I was exposed to adult sexual content and had inappropriate experiences with adults online. During that same period, out of curiosity about sex, I asked my younger brother if he wanted to "play" something sexual (without penetration) and he agreed. I feel very guilty and disgusted with myself. Was this COCSA or normal childhood sexual play? Is this something very serious?

🇨🇱

Thank you for sharing your story with us. First, I want to acknowledge your courage in sharing something so difficult and painful. The feelings of guilt and disgust you describe are understandable, but I want to help you better understand this complex situation. What you describe reflects the profound impact of your early exposure to adult sexual content and inappropriate experiences with adults online. When children are exposed to sexual material or sexualized experiences before being developmentally ready, they may mimic or explore what...

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#### When I was young, my younger sibling who was 6 at the time repeatedly engaged in sexual acts with me over the course of a week. I allowed it to happen because it felt good at the time and I didn't think it was wrong. Does this count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. What you've described is a complex and confusing situation that some children face, but aren't sure how to make sense of as adults. Developmentally, it's common for children, especially young ones, to explore their bodies and engage in sexual play with other children as part of learning about their bodies and sexuality. In this vein, some degree of exploratory play between siblings is also not unusual, particularly if there hasn't been a lot of education about boundaries. However, dependin...

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#### In cases of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), is it okay/normal to continue to be friends with the other child and have it be water under the bridge?

🇱🇻

Thank you so much for this question. Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) can be incredibly difficult to process, especially if you still have a relationship with the person who harmed you. When abuse occurs between children who were once friends, navigating the aftermath can be particularly complex. It is perfectly normal for you to struggle with your feelings towards the other child involved. This is really complicated stuff.

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#### When I was young, around 6-7 years old, I had sexual experiences with my cousin who was a year older. I also remember situations where my parents had sexual relations while I was in bed with them, thinking I was asleep. I'm seeking guidance about whether these experiences constitute sexual abuse.

🇲🇽

Thank you for reaching out and sharing these memories and concerns with us. When looking back at childhood experiences, especially those involving boundaries and intimacy, it can be confusing to interpret them with our adult understanding. At the ages of six or seven, children are naturally curious about their bodies and the world around them. It's common for children to explore and mimic behaviors they observe, even without fully grasping their meaning.

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[

#### If one cousin was 13 and another cousin was 5, and the older child initiated kissing, asked both of them to expose themselves to each other, and continued kissing, would this be considered COCSA? It happened one time.

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out with this question. I can hear that you're trying to understand what happened and how to label this experience, which is an important part of processing. COCSA (Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse) typically refers to sexual interactions between children where there is a significant age or developmental gap, coercion, force, or where one child doesn't understand or cannot consent to what's happening. The situation you're describing does involve a significant age difference—13 and 5 represent very different developmenta...

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#### When I was around 6-7 years old, another child of a similar age repeatedly pressured, emotionally manipulated, and guilt-tripped me into engaging in oral sex. Despite me saying no numerous times, he continued to pressure me until I eventually complied. Does this count as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this question and I am so sorry you experienced this. Based on the information you've shared, it sounds like what you experienced could be child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). The repeated pressure, emotional manipulation, and guilt-tripping to engage in sexual acts, even though you both were young, is concerning and may constitute abusive behavior. Your repeated refusals should have been respected, and the fact that the other child continued to coerce you until you complied suggests a violation of your boundaries and autono...

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#### Can it count as abuse even if this other person is also a woman and was around 10 years old? I feel like everyone is going to say that it doesn't count as abuse just for this reason.

🇲🇽

Thank you so much for this question. First and foremost, it’s important to remember that only you can define what happened to you. Sexual violence is deeply personal, and how you understand and process your experiences is entirely up to you. While we aim to provide support and information, please know that we are not here to label or define your experience. Your experience is yours and yours alone.

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#### When I was between 7-9 years old, I asked my aunt about kissing. She told me to kiss her and kept pressuring me even though I looked very uncomfortable. I didn't do it, and she said something about "testing me." This happened at my sibling's birthday party when no one was watching. She wouldn't have done this in front of anyone, especially my parents. What does this mean, and how should I understand what happened?

🇯🇴

Thank you for reaching out to us. What you experienced was inappropriate and concerning behavior from an adult. When you were curious about kissing as a young child, your aunt responded in a way that crossed boundaries and made you uncomfortable. Your discomfort was your natural instinct recognizing that something wasn't right, and you trusted that feeling by not complying with her pressure.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-between-7-9-years-old-i-asked-my-aunt-about-kissing-she-told-me-to-kiss-her-and-kept-pressuring-me-even-though-i-looked-very-uncomfortable-i-didnt-do-it-and-she-said-something-about-testing "When I was between 7-9 years old, I asked my aunt about kissing. She told me to kiss her and kept pressuring me even though I looked very uncomfortable. I didn't do it, and she said something about \"testing me.\" This happened at my sibling's birthday party when no one was watching. She wouldn't have done this in front of anyone, especially my parents. What does this mean, and how should I understand what happened?")

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#### I have a hard time with touch due to sexual trauma in my childhood, but I Have two kids who are always touching me. Is there a way to cope with all of that touching?

🇺🇸

Having a hard time with physical touch after sexual trauma is normal. Even if the present touching is not sexual in nature, it can trigger past traumas when you were touched without your permission. To manage this, try to notice what physically happens to your body when someone touches you. Feelings can include shortness of breath, feelings tense, racing heartbeat, dizziness, or blurry vision. Once you notice how your body reacts to physical touch, you can better figure out how to self-soothe and manage these reactions.

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#### When I was 3 years old, my sibling, who was 6 at the time, began sexually experimenting on me. She had never been abused herself as far as I know, but she had been exposed to pornography, and she kept doing this with me for months, eventually pulling her friends into it too. I can't find any information or support that speaks to this specific situation. I want to understand why it happened.

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for sharing something so personal with us. What happened to you was real and I am sorry it has been challenging to find information related to this specific type of abuse. You are not alone. COCSA, or child-on-child sexual abuse, is already under-researched. Add a very young age, a sibling relationship, pornography as a likely cause, and other children pulled in, and the research gets even thinner. That's not because your experience is rare or too strange to be real. It's because the field hasn't caught up. Most funding...

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#### Does it count as sexual assault if another child touched me inappropriately when I was young, even though I wasn't raped?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this. What you experienced could absolutely count as sexual assault depending on the context. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual contact, and it doesn't require penetration or rape to be valid or harmful. When someone touches your body in sexual ways without your consent, whether they're an adult or another child, that can be characterized as sexual assault, and your experience and feelings about it matter completely.

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#### I had an experience when I was young with another boy around my age which involved guilt tripping and other types of emotional manipulation into oral sex. It really impacted me, but I often struggle with feeling like my experience doesn't matter or isn't as serious as other forms of abuse despite all the research I did on the subject indicating it was child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). How can I learn to accept that what happened impacted me and learn not to compare my experiences to others?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this question. I want to start by affirming that your experience absolutely matters, and the impact it had on you is valid and real. Child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) is a serious form of sexual violence that can have lasting effects on survivors, regardless of the age of the person who harmed you.

](/en/answer/i-had-an-experience-when-i-was-young-with-another-boy-around-my-age-which-involved-guilt-tripping-and-other-types-of-emotional-manipulation-into-oral-sex-it-really-impacted-me-but-i-often-struggle-with-feeling-like-my-experience-doesnt-matter-or-isnt-as-serious-as-other-forms-of-abuse-despite-all-the-research-i-did-on-the-subject-indicating-it-was-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-how-can-i-learn-to-accept-that-what-happened-impacted-me-and-learn-not-to-compare-my-experiences-to-others-122)

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#### When I was very young (5-7), my slightly older cousin (6-8) initiated sexual behavior with me. I agreed without feeling pressured or scared, and I don't think either of us really understood what we were doing. Is this considered a form of abuse or child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), even though I didn't feel negatively about it at the time?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this question. While I can't make definitive judgments, and only you can label your experiences, I can provide some general information that might help you process what happened to you at that age. Interactions like this between young children are often referred to as "sexual play" or "sexual behaviors in children." When both children are very young and close in age, as in your situation, it's generally not considered Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) if there was no coercion, pressure, or power imbalance involved.

](/en/answer/of-course-heres-a-shortened-version-that-keeps-the-cousin-context-when-i-was-very-young-5-7-my-slightly-older-cousin-6-8-initiated-sexual-behavior-with-me-i-agreed-without-feeling-pressured-or-scared-and-i-dont-think-either-of-us-really-understood-what-we-were-doing-is-this-considered-a-form-of-abuse-or-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-even-though-i-didnt-feel-negatively-about-it-at-the-time-282 "Thank you for asking this question. While I can't make definitive judgments, and only you can label your experiences, I can provide some general information that might help you process what happened to you at that age.
Interactions like this between young children are often referred to as \"sexual play\" or \"sexual behaviors in children.\" When both children are very young and close in age, as in your situation, it's generally not considered Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) if there was no coercion, pressure, or power imbalance involved.")

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#### When I was in kindergarten, a friend asked me to play a game that she said her parents taught her to play only with people she loves. The game involved inappropriate sexual acts. I felt confused and uncomfortable, but I participated. Years later, I'm unsure if this would be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) and I don't know how to process these memories, especially given that my friend said her parents taught her the game.

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing your experience. What you've described sounds like a confusing and distressing situation that has understandably left you with difficult feelings and questions. While the exact definition of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) can vary, it generally refers to sexual activity between children that occurs without consent, without equality, or as a result of coercion. The fact that your friend said her parents taught her this "game" to play with loved ones raises serious concerns and suggests she may have been a victim...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-in-kindergarten-a-friend-asked-me-to-play-a-game-that-she-said-her-parents-taught-her-to-play-only-with-people-she-loves-the-game-involved-inappropriate-sexual-acts-i-felt-confused-and-uncomfortable-but-i-participated-years-later-im-unsure-if-this-would-be-considered-child-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-and-i-dont-know-how-to-process-these-memories-especially-given-that-my-friend-said-her-parents-taught-her-the-game-126 "Thank you for sharing your experience. What you've described sounds like a confusing and distressing situation that has understandably left you with difficult feelings and questions. 
While the exact definition of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) can vary, it generally refers to sexual activity between children that occurs without consent, without equality, or as a result of coercion. The fact that your friend said her parents taught her this \"game\" to play with loved ones raises serious concerns and suggests she may have been a victim...")

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#### When I was a child (8), an older family member (13) wanted to play 'boyfriend and girlfriend' in the bathtub. During this 'game,' they kissed me and touched me while I was undressed and they remained clothed. At the time, I thought it was just playing, but now looking back I realize how inappropriate that was. I don't know if this was COCSA and it's driving me crazy trying to figure it out.

🇺🇸

Thank you for sharing your experience and for the courage it takes to reach out about something that's been weighing on your mind. It makes sense to look back on this moment with confusion, especially now that you understand more about healthy boundaries and how children relate to each other. It's completely understandable that you're trying to make sense of what happened, especially when childhood experiences can feel confusing to process as an adult.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-a-child-8-an-older-family-member-13-wanted-to-play-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-bathtub-during-this-game-they-kissed-me-and-touched-me-while-i-was-undressed-and-they-remained-clothed-at)

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#### I experienced a sexual situation with my cousin when I was 8 and she was around 12. At the time, I didn't feel affected by it, but now that I'm older, it's impacting me. I'm unsure how to process this, considering our ages at the time and her possible awareness of her actions. How can I understand and cope with these complex feelings?

🇨🇦

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience. It's completely normal for feelings about childhood experiences to change as we grow older. Our ability to process and understand events evolves with time, and something that didn't seem significant then may carry more weight now.

](/en/answer/i-experienced-a-sexual-situation-with-my-cousin-when-i-was-8-and-she-was-around-12-at-the-time-i-didnt-feel-affected-by-it-but-now-that-im-older-its-impacting-me-im-unsure-how-to-process-this-considering-our-ages-at-the-time-and-her-possible-awareness-of-her-actions-how-can-i-understand-and-cope-with-these-complex-feelings-264)

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#### When I was about 4 years old my 9 year old sister started forcing me to kiss her on the mouth, I never wanted to do it but she forced me to, does it count as abuse? Or am I just being dramatic?

🇲🇽

Thank you so much for this question. You are not being dramatic. First and foremost, it’s important to remember that only you can define what happened to you. Sexual violence is deeply personal, and how you understand and process your experiences is entirely up to you. While we aim to provide support and information, please know that we are not here to label or define your experience. Your experience is yours and yours alone.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-about-4-years-old-my-9-year-old-sister-started-forcing-me-to-kiss-her-on-the-mouth-i-never-wanted-to-do-it-but-she-forced-me-to-does-it-count-as-abuse-102)

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#### My cousin, a year younger than me, started touching me in sexual ways when we were both minors. This happened years ago, but I'm still trying to make sense of it. At first it was hugs that felt weird, but it escalated. He'd press himself against me searching for friction, he'd get into my bed at night with an erection against my body, and eventually he touched my butt and breasts and tried to get his hand under my shirt. I put boundaries up a few times but I wasn't firm about it because I didn't want things to be awkward between us, especially since we were on family vacation and still around each other all the time. I still see him at family gatherings now, and I still don't know how to think about what happened between us because we were both minors. Was something wrong with me? How do I categorize this?

🇨🇱

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience with us. It sounds like you've been carrying this quietly for a long time, and the fact that you're reaching out now, still trying to make sense of it, tells me your body knew something wasn't right. That knowing is worth trusting.

](/en/answer/a-few-years-ago-i-had-an-unpleasant-experience-i-have-a-cousin-who-is-a-year-younger-than-me-at-the-time-we-were-both-minors-when-this-started-im-160-meters-tall-and-hes-180-meters-a-lot-of-things-are-953)

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#### When I was a child, my parents repeatedly forced enemas on me. I remember screaming and begging to stop then finally giving in, freezing and dissociating. I've only recently (30 years later) had the courage to recall this memory, of which I used to have flashbacks that made me sick. My parents are nice people, but I feel like I am a survivor of a kind of sexual abuse. Can you help me understand what happened to me?

🇮🇹

Thank you for this question. First and foremost, I want to commend you for your bravery in confronting this painful memory and seeking understanding. Recognizing the impact of childhood experiences is a courageous step in the healing process. What you've described - being repeatedly subjected to forced enemas despite your protests and distress - sounds deeply distressing and violating. The fact that you recall screaming, begging, and then dissociating (a common trauma response) underscores the emotional impact of these experiences.

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#### I think I might've been groomed and sexually abused as a child, but my memory feels very scrambled. I feel guilty for thinking I might've been assaulted, what do I do?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for trusting us with this question. To start, you are not alone. It is quite common for individuals who are processing childhood trauma to feel guilt, shame, and confusion. It is also common for survivors to not want to believe what happened to them was real, or for them to have memory gaps surrounding certain details of these events. Only you know what you have experienced, but here are some of our thoughts below.

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#### In the context sexual behaviour between children of the same or similar ages, what sort of behaviours might be considered coercion?

🇬🇧

Thank you for this question. When discussing sexual behavior among children or adolescents of similar ages, it's important to be sensitive to the developmental nuances surrounding healthy sexual exploration and areas where coercion can occur. Coercion in these contexts can take various forms, but generally involves pressuring or manipulating someone into sexual activity they're not comfortable with or ready for.

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#### Is it still child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) or sexual assault if the offender feels bad for it and feels guilty?

🇺🇸

Thank you for bringing up this important question. To answer your question simply: Yes, it is still considered COCSA or sexual assault even if the offender feels bad for their actions and feels guilty afterward. The feelings of the person who committed the harmful act do not change the nature of what happened or its impact on the person who was harmed.Sexual abuse and assault are defined by actions that violate someone's boundaries and consent, regardless of the offender's intentions or subsequent emotions. While an offender's guilt may indica...

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#### Growing up my father used to run his hand up my thighs and touch me. I’ve told people about it and they have all said “your fine your just being dramatic” or “it wasn’t his fault. Your father just doesn’t understand boundaries. Get over it”. Are they right am I just being dramatic?

🇺🇸

Thank you so much for reaching out to us about this. What you are describing is a serious violation of trust and safety and could certainly be considered sexual abuse. When a parent touches a child's body in ways that feel sexual or uncomfortable, that's never acceptable behavior. Parents absolutely understand appropriate and inappropriate ways to touch their children - this does not sound like a simple boundary misunderstanding.

](/en/answer/growing-up-my-father-used-to-run-his-hand-up-my-thighs-and-touch-me-ive-told-people-about-it-and-they-have-all-said-your-fine-your-just-being-dramatic-or-it-wasnt-his-fault-your-father-just-doesnt-understand-boundaries-get-over-it-are-they-right-am-i-just-being-dramatic-328)

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#### When I was 16, my 15-year-old boyfriend pressured me into sexual activity at a party. I have autism and struggle with social cues. I didn't want to do it but nodded after he kept begging. I never told him to stop, but afterwards I left and threw up. I felt very uncomfortable afterward but never told him. Was this assault? Is it valid if the other person was younger?

🇬🇧

Thank you so much for trusting us with this deeply personal experience. It sounds like a difficult situation, and your feelings about it are important. While I can provide information and perspective based on what you've shared, only you can decide how to label what happened to you. No one else can tell you how to feel about it or what to call it. Your feelings are valid, whatever they are.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-16-my-15-year-old-boyfriend-pressured-me-into-sexual-activity-at-a-party-i-have-autism-and-struggle-with-social-cues-i-didnt-want-to-do-it-but-nodded-after-he-kept-begging-i-felt-very-uncomfortable-afterward-but-never-told-him-was-this-assault-is-it-valid-if-the-other-person-was-younger-200)

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#### I'm struggling to differentiate between normal childhood curiosity and sexual abuse. These are two hypothetical situations: 1. A twelve-year-old started touching and kissing a four-year-old. She asked them to stop. This happened twice. 2. A twelve-year-old briefly inappropriately touched a four-year-old's private area over clothing, and when asked to stop, they immediately did and nothing more happened ever again. Would situation 1 be viewed as sexual assault/abuse, and situation 2 be viewed as normal childhood curiosity?

🇺🇸

Thanks for asking aboout this. The distinction between normal childhood curiosity and problematic sexual behavior involves several important factors, with age differences and genuine mutuality being key considerations. A key difference lies in the age gap between the children and the presence or absence of genuine mutuality. When a four-year-old is interacting with a twelve-year-old, there is already a significant disparity in power, understanding, and development. Children that young do not have the capacity to consent, and a much older child...

](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-differentiate-between-normal-childhood-curiosity-and-sexual-abuse-these-are-two-hypothetical-situations-1-a-twelve-year-old-started-touching-and-kissing-a-four-year-old-she-asked-them)

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[

#### When I was 13, someone older inappropriately touched me. I'm still unsure if the touch was sexual in nature, but it left me feeling confused and angry. I kept quiet about it for a long time, though it made me sad. Will I ever stop feeling guilty about not speaking up sooner?

🇦🇷

Thank you so much for sharing your intimate feelings with us. Feelings of guilt about not speaking up sooner are completely normal, but please know that keeping quiet was not wrong or your fault. Many people stay silent about uncomfortable or traumatic experiences, especially when they happen during childhood. Confusion about the nature of the touch is absolutely valid - our minds and bodies often need time to process experiences that feel violating or uncomfortable. Your courage in exploring these feelings now shows incredible strength.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-13-someone-older-inappropriately-touched-me-im-still-unsure-if-the-touch-was-sexual-in-nature-but-it-left-me-feeling-confused-and-angry-i-kept-quiet-about-it-for-a-long-time-though-it-made-me-sad-will-i-ever-stop-feeling-guilty-about-not-speaking-up-sooner-335)

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#### I was groomed online and my groomer made me sext with another child around to my age. I don't know how much I should be responsible for hurting the child. I don't know if I’m even a victim in this situation. I don’t know how much I was really forced, considering it was all online.

🇨🇦

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. Let me be very clear: you are absolutely a victim in this situation. Online grooming is a serious form of abuse, and the fact it happened virtually doesn't diminish its impact. The adult who manipulated you holds full responsibility for orchestrating abuse between two children.

](/en/answer/i-was-groomed-online-and-my-groomer-made-me-sext-with-another-child-around-to-my-age-i-dont-know-how-much-i-should-be-responsible-for-hurting-the-child-i-dont-know-if-im-even-a-victim-in-this-situation-i-dont-know-how-much-i-was-really-forced-considering-it-was-all-online-341)

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#### Is it considered incestuous to have engaged in mutual, same-age roleplay kissing with a cousin for several years when I was a kid? How do I stop fearing that my loved ones would be disgusted by me if they knew, or that my cousin was secretly hurt or traumatized by what happened?

🇺🇸

Thank you for asking this. It is common for children who are close in age to have moments of exploration or roleplay as they learn about the world and their own bodies. Many people recall simple kissing, games, or other forms of experimentation they had as children and later wonder if it was wrong, especially when it happens within a family relationship like with a cousin. Children at a young age don't yet have the full understanding or intent that adults associate with sexuality, and they often imitate what they've seen or sensed in their env...

](/en/answer/is-it-considered-incestuous-to-have-engaged-in-mutual-same-age-roleplay-kissing-with-a-cousin-for-several-years-when-i-was-a-kid-how-do-i-stop-fearing-that-my-loved-ones-would-be-disgusted-by-me-if-th)

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#### Me and another 13-year-old were hanging out after school like we usually did. He asked me if I wanted to do "stuff," and I hesitated at first before saying yes. I've never told anyone. Does saying yes mean it wasn't COCSA?

🇺🇸

Thank you for trusting us with this. To answer your question directly, saying yes does not automatically close the question of whether this experience was fully consensual or whether it left a mark on you. But I also want to be honest with you that what you've described sits in genuinely complex territory, and only you can decide what language, if any, feels right for your own experience.

](/en/answer/is-it-still-cocsa-if-i-said-yes-both-me-and-him-were-13-and-at-the-time-i-had-only-been-13-for-about-a-month-me-and-him-were-hanging-out-after-school-as-usual-and-he-asked-me-if-i-wanted-to-do-stuff-a-929)

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#### When I was around 6-7, my older sister (11-12) would initiate 'tongue kissing' with me. While I never verbally objected, I felt uncomfortable and guilty afterward. I had forgotten about this until recently (I'm now 22), but these memories keep surfacing. I'm struggling with physical intimacy in my relationships and wonder if there's a connection. I have several questions. Am I overreacting to these memories? Could my mind be fabricating these experiences? Is it possible there were other incidents I can't remember? Could this be related to my difficulty with physical intimacy in relationships? I also suspect my sister may have been sexually abused herself, though I'm not certain.

🇬🇧

Thank you for trusting us with this. Your memories and feelings are completely valid, and you are not overreacting. What you're describing was inappropriate sexual contact, though it's important to recognize that your sister was a child herself. Memory gaps and delayed recognition of childhood trauma are common protective responses of our brains. Children sometimes engage in inappropriate behavior without fully understanding the impact of their actions, often due to natural curiosity or, sometimes, their own experiences of abuse.

](/en/answer/when-i-was-around-6-7-my-older-sister-11-12-would-initiate-tongue-kissing-with-me-while-i-never-verbally-objected-i-felt-uncomfortable-and-guilty-afterward-i-had-forgotten-about-this-until-recently-im-now-22-but-these-memories-keep-surfacing-im-struggling-with-physical-intimacy-in-my-relationships-and-wonder-if-theres-a-connection-i-have-several-questions-am-i-overreacting-to-these-memories-could-my-mind-be-fabricating-these-experiences-is-it-possible-there-were-other-incidents-i-cant-remember-could-this-be-related-to-my-difficulty-with-physical-intimacy-in-relationships-i-also-suspect-my-sister-may-have-been-sexually-abused-herself-though-im-not-certain-336)

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[

#### Will I be able to feel aroused again after childhood sexual assault? I am 30-year-old female and have found it extremely difficult to enjoy sex or masturbation for years now, let alone orgasm. What’s going on?

🇵🇷

Thank you for sharing this sensitive and important question. What you're experiencing is a common and understandable reaction to childhood sexual assault. Many survivors struggle with sexual difficulties, including low arousal, trouble enjoying sexual activities, and difficulty reaching orgasm. These issues often stem from the trauma's impact on your mind and body's associations with sex and intimacy.

](/en/answer/will-i-be-able-to-feel-aroused-again-after-childhood-sa-i-am-30-yo-f-and-have-found-it-extremely-difficult-to-enjoy-sex-or-masturbation-for-years-now-let-alone-orgasm-whats-going-on-210)

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[

#### When I was very young (7-9 years), I engaged in sexual touching with my younger sister during bath time. Years later when I learned about inappropriate sexual contact, I felt disgusted and ashamed about what I had done. Do I deserve to feel this way about my childhood actions?

🇺🇸

Thank you for reaching out to us. When you were between 7 and 9 years old, you were still very much a child learning about the world. At that age, children are naturally curious about their bodies and the differences between themselves and others. This curiosity is a normal part of development, and young children often do not fully understand boundaries or the implications of their actions, especially regarding concepts like sexuality or consent. Children naturally explore their bodies and sometimes engage with siblings or peers in ways t...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-very-young-7-9-years-i-engaged-in-sexual-touching-with-my-younger-sister-during-bath-time-years-later-when-i-learned-about-inappropriate-sexual-contact-i-felt-disgusted-and-ashamed-about-wh)

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[

#### When I was 8 years old and my brother was around 4, we engaged in inappropriate physical contact during play. I had previously experienced sexual abuse from another young family member, and I'm now concerned that I may have perpetuated harmful behavior. I've never discussed this with my brother, but I carry guilt about these interactions. I need help understanding these childhood events and whether I was acting out learned behavior from my own abuse.

🇦🇷

Thank you for reaching out and sharing this deeply personal experience. It takes courage to reflect on your past and seek understanding about something that's weighing on you, especially when you fear you have caused harm to others.When children engage in sexual behaviors with other children, it can be a complex issue influenced by various factors, including natural curiosity, exposure to sexual content, or as in your case, prior experiences of abuse. At the age of eight, you were still very much a child yourself, trying to make sense of the w...

](/en/answer/when-i-was-8-years-old-and-my-brother-was-around-4-we-engaged-in-inappropriate-physical-contact-during-play-i-had-previously-experienced-sexual-abuse-from-another-young-family-member-and-im-now-concerned-that-i-may-have-perpetuated-harmful-behavior-ive-never-discussed-this-with-my-brother-but-i-carry-guilt-about-these-interactions-i-need-help-understanding-these-childhood-events-and-whether-i-was-acting-out-learned-behavior-from-my-own-abuse-377)

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## More topics

[

Understanding specific types of trauma and harm

](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm)[

Making sense of adult experiences

](/en/learn/topics/making-sense-of-adult-experiences)[

Managing emotions and how you feel in your body

](/en/learn/topics/managing-emotions-and-how-you-feel-in-your-body)[

Seeking help after trauma

](/en/learn/topics/seeking-help-after-trauma)[

Sex, sexuality, and intimacy after trauma

](/en/learn/topics/sex-sexuality-and-intimacy-after-trauma)[

Sharing your story with others

](/en/learn/topics/sharing-your-story-with-others)

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready