---
title: I'm trying to understand an experience from my childhood.... ~ Our Wave Community
description: Thank you so much for trusting us with this difficult experience. What you've described seems to go beyond typical childhood curiosity or "innocence." The...
url: https://api.ourwave.org/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235.md
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[\[Image: United States\]United States](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=gb)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=ve)

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[English](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235)[Español](/es/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235)[日本語](/ja/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235)

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# I'm trying to understand an experience from my childhood. When I was about 12, a local girl who was a year or two younger initiated 'playing doctor' with me, despite my lack of interest. She touched my genitals, which I didn't mind, but then insisted I touch hers. When I refused, she threatened to claim I'd abused her if I didn't comply. Feeling pressured, I reluctantly participated. This happened in her bedroom, which she shared with her younger brother. She would lock him out, using furniture to block the door. Her brother would knock and ask to be let in, but she'd refuse. Their parents seemed mostly unconcerned, only occasionally telling her not to lock her brother out. Was this sexual abuse, or just childhood innocence gone too far? I'm confused about how to interpret this experience and its impact on me. My friend suggests my compliance was a 'fawning' response. How should I understand what happened? Was this sexual abuse or childhood innocence?

\[Image: Dr. Laura\]

Answer by **Dr. Laura**

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn/topics/making-sense-of-childhood-experiences)

Thank you so much for trusting us with this difficult experience. What you've described seems to go beyond typical childhood curiosity or "innocence." The situation involved coercion and a threat, which are not part of healthy, consensual exploration. Your friend's suggestion of a "fawning" response - a trauma response where someone complies to avoid conflict or further harm - seems applicable here.

Several aspects of this situation are concerning:

1\. Your lack of interest and initial refusal, which was not respected.
2\. The threat to falsely accuse you of abuse, which is a form of manipulation and coercion.
3\. The repeated nature of these incidents, as suggested by the routine of locking out her brother.

While the other child may not have fully understood the implications of her actions, her behavior was inappropriate and potentially harmful. It's understandable that you're confused about how to interpret this experience - childhood experiences involving sexual elements can be particularly complex to process.

It's important to recognize that you were not at fault in this situation. You were placed in a position where you felt you had no choice, which can indeed be a form of abuse.

The impact of such experiences can vary greatly from person to person. If you find that this experience is causing you distress or affecting your current life, it may be helpful to speak with a mental health professional who specializes in childhood trauma. They can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and help you understand and process this experience.

Remember, your feelings about this experience are valid, whatever they may be. There's no "right" way to feel about complex childhood experiences. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work through understanding this part of your past. Thank you for reaching out to us. You are not alone.

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States](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=us)[\[Image: 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Australia\]Australia](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=gb)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235?country=ve)

English

[English](/en/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235)[Español](/es/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235)[日本語](/ja/answer/im-trying-to-understand-an-experience-from-my-childhood-when-i-was-about-12-a-local-girl-who-was-a-year-or-two-younger-initiated-playing-doctor-with-me-despite-my-lack-of-interest-she-touched-my-genitals-which-i-didnt-mind-but-then-insisted-i-touch-hers-when-i-refused-she-threatened-to-claim-id-abused-her-if-i-didnt-comply-feeling-pressured-i-reluctantly-participated-this-happened-in-her-bedroom-which-she-shared-with-her-younger-brother-she-would-lock-him-out-using-furniture-to-block-the-door-her-brother-would-knock-and-ask-to-be-let-in-but-shed-refuse-their-parents-seemed-mostly-unconcerned-only-occasionally-telling-her-not-to-lock-her-brother-out-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-just-childhood-innocence-gone-too-far-im-confused-about-how-to-interpret-this-experience-and-its-impact-on-me-my-friend-suggests-my-compliance-was-a-fawning-response-how-should-i-understand-what-happened-was-this-sexual-abuse-or-childhood-innocense-235)

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready