---
title: I'm trying to process experiences from my first... ~ Our Wave Community
description: I am so sorry this happened to you. Please resist blaming yourself. What happened to you was not your fault. While only you can decide how to define your...
url: https://api.ourwave.org/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347.md
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[\[Image: United States\]United States](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=es)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=ve)

English

[English](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347)[Español](/es/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347)[日本語](/ja/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347)

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# I'm trying to process experiences from my first relationship and understand if what happened was sexual assault. I was 18 and in a long-distance relationship. When my then-boyfriend visited, he began touching me inappropriately without my consent. While I never explicitly said 'no' or 'stop,' I would try to deflect with excuses like 'my parents could see.' He pressured me into my first kiss, and afterward repeatedly initiated sexual touching without asking. When I expressed I wasn't ready, he would either continue or switch to a different type of touching, still without permission. During what I thought would be innocent kissing, he would suddenly escalate physically. When I expressed discomfort, he would dismiss my concerns as dramatic and continue. I consented to making out but never to the other touching. I felt pressured to participate in sexual activities because I thought it would make him stay with me. Instead, he broke up with me in August and quickly moved on to someone else. He took all my firsts - my first kiss, date, and relationship - and made them about sexual gratification. I'm struggling with guilt, feeling I should have spoken up more clearly. How do I process this trauma and stop blaming myself?

\[Image: Dr. Laura\]

Answer by **Dr. Laura**

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Topics:[Understanding specific types of trauma and harm](/en/learn?tags=understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm)

I am so sorry this happened to you. Please resist blaming yourself. What happened to you was not your fault.

While only you can decide how to define your experiences, what you've described - the pressure, the disregard for your comfort, the unwanted touching despite your clear attempts to deflect - shares many characteristics with sexual coercion and assault. The absence of a "no" is not the same as consent. [Consent](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Frainn.org%2Farticles%2Fwhat-is-consent&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=65b0b302-edca-4b36-995c-646c323bba2b&sig=9f587a3402a727e809dcf354bb72827d3de2b67d1904d9e17cf9a4d18d81ae97) must be actively and enthusiastically given - it should be a clear "yes," not the absence of a clear "no." Your discomfort was evident, and he repeatedly ignored your boundaries and signals.

Many survivors blame themselves for not fighting back or saying "no" more forcefully, but our bodies respond to threatening situations in various ways. Sometimes we freeze, sometimes we try to minimize conflict, sometimes we try to manage the situation through indirect signals - all of these are normal survival responses. Your attempts to communicate your discomfort through statements like "my parents could see" or "maybe later" were valid ways of expressing your boundaries, and he chose to ignore those signals.

Your attempt to "keep him" through tolerating unwanted touch is also a common experience, especially in first relationships when we're still learning about boundaries and healthy relationship dynamics. But someone who truly cares for you would never use your affection as leverage to push past your boundaries.

It's particularly painful that these were your first experiences with romance and intimacy. Please know that these firsts being taken from you doesn't diminish your worth or your capacity for future healthy, consensual relationships. What happened was not your fault - you're someone whose boundaries were repeatedly violated by a person who should have respected them.

Moving forward in your healing process, I'd strongly encourage you to speak with a counselor who specializes in sexual trauma. They can help you process these experiences and develop tools for establishing and maintaining boundaries in future relationships. Remember that healing isn't linear, and there's no timeline for processing trauma. You deserve support and care as you work through this, and the path to healing is different for everyone. Thank you so much for trusting us with your story.

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[\[Image: United States\]United States](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=es)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347?country=ve)

English

[English](/en/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347)[Español](/es/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347)[日本語](/ja/answer/im-trying-to-process-experiences-from-my-first-relationship-and-understand-if-what-happened-was-sexual-assault-i-was-18-and-in-a-long-distance-relationship-when-my-then-boyfriend-visited-he-began-touching-me-inappropriately-without-my-consent-while-i-never-explicitly-said-no-or-stop-i-would-try-to-deflect-with-excuses-like-my-parents-could-see-he-pressured-me-into-my-first-kiss-and-afterward-repeatedly-initiated-sexual-touching-without-asking-when-i-expressed-i-wasnt-ready-he-would-either-continue-or-switch-to-a-different-type-of-touching-still-without-permission-during-what-i-thought-would-be-innocent-kissing-he-would-suddenly-escalate-physically-when-i-expressed-discomfort-he-would-dismiss-my-concerns-as-dramatic-and-continue-i-consented-to-making-out-but-never-to-the-other-touching-i-felt-pressured-to-participate-in-sexual-activities-because-i-thought-it-would-make-him-stay-with-me-instead-he-broke-up-with-me-in-august-and-quickly-moved-on-to-someone-else-he-took-all-my-firsts-my-first-kiss-date-and-relationship-and-made-them-about-sexual-gratification-im-struggling-with-guilt-feeling-i-should-have-spoken-up-more-clearly-how-do-i-process-this-trauma-and-stop-blaming-myself-347)

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready