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Answering your questions.

Here are some answers to questions we have received in the past from our survivor community. We hope these answers can help survivors, advocates, and the general public learn more about trauma and survivor healing.

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Understanding Trauma & Violence
Managing Trauma Impact
Meaning Making
Sharing Your Story
Seeking Help After Trauma
Supporting Survivors
Healing Week
Understanding Trauma & Violence

My friend's older brother (13 years older) came into my room during a vacation. I woke up to him rubbing my leg and he got on top of me. I am unsure if or where he finished-- I was frozen and stared at the ceiling the entire time. The night before, he touched me inappropriately but I dismissed it as him being drunk. Months later, I keep remembering that I felt aroused at one point during the assault. This causes me guilt and makes me question if it was really assault. I also get 'butterflies' when thinking about it despite the trauma. Is this normal?

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Managing Trauma Impact

The harm I experienced happened 4 years ago. I'm no longer in contact with the friend who did it - all my friends cut contact with them for similar reasons after I finally told them everything. They were supportive. While I'm mostly fine now and everything seems resolved, I still think about it often. How do I move forward when it's 'over'? Should I just try to forget about it?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

I was groomed online and my groomer made me sext with another child around to my age. I don't know how much I should be responsible for hurting the child. I don't know if I’m even a victim in this situation. I don’t know how much I was really forced, considering it was all online.

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Sharing Your Story

At age 7, a friend showed me explicit videos and explained adult concepts. This led me to seek similar content throughout my school years, affecting my behavior in ways that continue today. I have few childhood memories and can't recall if any physical contact occurred - my therapist says this memory loss may be protective. Was the exposure to explicit content alone considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), and how might it have impacted my mental health?

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Managing Trauma Impact

I've been in therapy for two years processing sexual trauma. Recently, I've started experiencing physical arousal when thinking about or processing the assault. This is particularly distressing since I'm gay and the assault was by someone of the opposite sex. Are these physical responses normal during trauma processing?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

I'm processing childhood sexual experiences from my neighborhood and family. When I was 6-7, my friend coerced me and her younger brother (4-5) into sexual acts neither of us wanted. While I've largely worked through this, I believe she may have been abused herself. There were teenage predators in our neighborhood who abused several children, including my sister. I managed to avoid them by staying away, though I didn't understand why they frightened me at the time. Later, my brother (13-14) sexually abused my sister (6) through coercion, starting with a 'trade' for favors and escalating until our parents discovered it. They stopped it but never got us therapy. I struggle with guilt for escaping the worst abuse while my sister endured so much. I followed my instincts to avoid dangerous situations, but this feels like blaming my sister. I wonder if my brother targeted her because she was less compliant than me. Is this survivor's guilt? How do I process being the 'lucky' one?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

When I was around 6-7, my older sister (11-12) would initiate 'tongue kissing' with me. While I never verbally objected, I felt uncomfortable and guilty afterward. I had forgotten about this until recently (I'm now 22), but these memories keep surfacing. I'm struggling with physical intimacy in my relationships and wonder if there's a connection. I have several questions. Am I overreacting to these memories? Could my mind be fabricating these experiences? Is it possible there were other incidents I can't remember? Could this be related to my difficulty with physical intimacy in relationships? I also suspect my sister may have been sexually abused herself, though I'm not certain.

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Managing Trauma Impact

When I was 13, someone older inappropriately touched me. I'm still unsure if the touch was sexual in nature, but it left me feeling confused and angry. I kept quiet about it for a long time, though it made me sad. Will I ever stop feeling guilty about not speaking up sooner?

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Seeking Help After Trauma

I need guidance on reporting sexual assault by my former criminal defense attorney. The assaults occurred across multiple counties over several years during his representation, severely impacting my criminal case. While I know this violates State Bar rules, I'm unsure whether to report to the county where he works, lives, or where I reside. I've found limited resources specifically about attorney sexual assault. Can you advise on proper reporting procedures and available support services?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

When I was 7, my older cousin (10) would inappropriately touch my chest and groin area, calling it 'tickling.' At that age, I didn't understand it was wrong, and my body had an involuntary physical response. Does having a physical reaction at the time mean it wasn't abuse?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

If someone violates someone sexually but claims they didn't mean it sexually, is it still considered sexual abuse/assault?

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Managing Trauma Impact

I've suddenly developed an unexplained fear that a specific person might hurt me. They've never shown any concerning behavior and are actually very nice - someone I enjoy talking to. I feel guilty about these feelings since they seem unfounded. Since I can't avoid them, how do I handle these fears?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

My older brother sexually abused me for about 4 years, with a 4-year age gap between us. The last attempt was when he was 16. I struggle with understanding at what age he would have fully comprehended his actions versus lacking maturity. I told my family because my other brother had a daughter - am I overreacting by not wanting him near her, now that he's 28? Also, people often say abusers must have been abused themselves, but as far as I know, we had a great childhood with supportive parents. He started at 12 - what other reasons might explain this behavior? I've worked with a therapist but these questions still come up.

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Meaning Making

When I was 12, four boys (one my best friend) repeatedly made rape jokes, including about me. Later they played 'Tickle Torture' with me, holding me down despite my protests and attempts to escape. While I don't remember if I was touched inappropriately, it felt scary, painful, and vaguely sexual. People call this assault, but I'm unsure how to define it. What was this?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

Growing up my father used to run his hand up my thighs and touch me. I’ve told people about it and they have all said “your fine your just being dramatic” or “it wasn’t his fault. Your father just doesn’t understand boundaries. Get over it”. Are they right am I just being dramatic?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

What differentiates molestation from other forms of abuse? Can a child/preteen be molested by someone the same age?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

At a party, a sober person made out with me while I was severely intoxicated. The incident bothered me, and I confided in someone about feeling taken advantage of. That person shared my story, and it got back to my assaulter. They then spread a counter-narrative, claiming I pressured and harassed them. The story has transformed completely, and now people are ganging up against me. I'm too overwhelmed to defend myself, but I clearly remember what happened despite their claims about my intoxication affecting my memory. Do other survivors experience their assaulters trying to flip the narrative and paint them as the aggressor?

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Seeking Help After Trauma

I recently escaped my attacker but learned I need spinal surgery due to the repeated attacks. I'm struggling to survive, feeling alone, ignored, and hopeless. My life has changed dramatically and I desperately need support and help. Where can I turn?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

When I was 4, my 8-year-old sister and I engaged in sexual play. Around age 8, I started showing symptoms associated with sexual abuse (bed-wetting and others). My mom says when I saw a therapist then, I insisted no one had abused me. Could the earlier experiences with my sister have caused these symptoms? Was the age difference significant?

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Managing Trauma Impact

Someone rubbed their hand up my inner thigh in a sexual way without my consent. Although it happened 10 years ago it is playing on my mind now. Part of me is telling myself that it isn't a big deal as it was only my inner thighs that were touched and that I am making a mountain out of nothing. I think this thinking is doing more harm than good as I keep going into a thought spiral. How do I stop this kind of thinking and is that form of touching assault?

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Seeking Help After Trauma

When I was around 8-10 years old, I was involved in inappropriate sexual play with two cousins during summer visits. While my older cousin initiated most of these interactions through games like truth or dare, I also initiated an incident with my younger cousin that I deeply regret and know caused harm. Their families know but mine doesn't. I carry intense guilt and shame about this, complicated by my own history of family abuse. While we remain on friendly terms, I've never addressed it. I now have a loving girlfriend and am close with my mom and brother, but I'm terrified of losing them if they found out about what I did as a child. How do I process these feelings and handle the fear of losing my loved ones?

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Managing Trauma Impact

I find myself being triggered by seemingly unrelated things, including certain words that aren't inherently sexual. Everyday triggers keep bringing up memories of past experiences. How can I manage these unexpected reminders?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

I have memories from when I was 4 or 5 involving an older child (around 10-13) who my mom babysat. He showed signs of early exposure to sexual content. I remember him taking me to a room and trying to make me undress, and I believe he touched me inappropriately. Being so young, I didn't understand what was happening at the time. He also physically harmed me through strangulation when I was 6. I'm just beginning to process these memories and realize the severity of what happened. How should I characterize these experiences? Is this COCSA?

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Sharing Your Story

I've experienced abuse from multiple people throughout my life. When I've tried to share my story before, others have asked me to stop because they found it too difficult to hear. I want to share my experiences in a way that might help other survivors/ victims, but I'm unsure if this is an appropriate space. Is it okay to share a longer, complex story about survival here?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

I had an experience at a Halloween party where, while intoxicated, I engaged in consensual kissing and dancing with someone I knew. In the moment, I was comfortable with what happened. Now that I'm sober, I'm struggling with feelings of regret and guilt, not because of the other person's actions, but because this behavior feels out of character for me. I typically hold myself to different standards, and these feelings are really weighing on me. Are these feelings of regret normal? How do I process this situation where both parties consented in the moment, but I'm now feeling conflicted about my own choices?

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Managing Trauma Impact

I experience intrusive thoughts about past unwanted experiences repeating themselves, either with people I know or in general situations. I understand these thoughts don't reflect my actual desires, but I'm unsure how to handle them. Should I try to ignore these thoughts? How can I better cope with them when they arise?

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Seeking Help After Trauma

I'm trying to process childhood experiences that happened when I was 6 or 7 years old. Multiple peers, including friends, classmates, and family members my age, engaged in inappropriate interactions with me. It happened frequently enough that I began to think it was normal. I never told anyone because I feared getting in trouble, not being believed, or not being taken seriously. I've never shared these experiences with anyone before. Could this be child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

How do inappropriate or potentially abusive childhood sexual interactions affect both children involved as they grow up? Can the child who initiated unwanted behaviors experience difficult feelings like shame or regret later in life, even if they didn't understand the impact at the time? How do these early experiences affect both children's emotional development?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

I'm seeking perspective on childhood experiences I've recently begun remembering. From early childhood through pre-teen years, a friend my age would coerce me into unwanted physical and sexual contact despite my resistance. These memories were blocked for 8 years and are now resurfacing. I developed early sexual behaviors that became compulsive. I'm trying to understand if these experiences were significant and what they mean?

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Sharing Your Story

I'm looking for advice on managing dissociation from past trauma. I experienced sexually traumatic events in two previous relationships, but wasn't able to report what happened due to threats. Now I'm in a healthier relationship and would like advice on how to communicate my needs for support to my current boyfriend. How can I discuss this with him?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

My uncle is going to jail for sexually abusing my cousins when we were children. This has brought up memories of inappropriate touching between me and my cousins as kids, and my uncle's concerning behavior with us. My memories are foggy, but I have flashbacks. I feel guilty about what happened between us cousins, though I don't know where we learned those behaviors. As an adult, I've experienced unhealthy relationships and abuse. I have gaps in my memory and don't know how to handle this. Any advice?

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Managing Trauma Impact

I feel sick all the time after experiencing trauma. I'm scared of everyone and can't feel safe, even with my friends. Nowhere feels safe, nothing feels secure, and I'm exhausted. I don't know how to navigate this pain that won't go away. I don't know who to ask for help or what I would even say. I just wish it all would leave me alone, but it never does. Could you tell me that it's going to be okay and that I'm safe?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

I experienced two years of sexual harassment and unwanted touching from a former friend, and my entire friend group turned against me. When I discovered my parents' hurtful text messages about the situation, I felt like I deserved what happened and haven't told anyone for the past year. Instead, I turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms and my life spiraled. Now my parents don't trust me, but they don't know about the trauma I never processed. I want to tell them so they understand my behavior, but I'm afraid of causing them stress. I feel trapped between needing to appear perfect and hiding my struggles. What should I do?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

I'm struggling with a traumatic childhood memory. When I was 13, my mother forced me to undress so she could shave my pubic area and armpits, despite my protests. I was naked, extremely uncomfortable, and asked her to stop three times, but she continued. I never consented to anyone touching these private areas of my body. Was this sexual abuse, or am I overanalyzing this experience?

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Managing Trauma Impact

I experienced sexual abuse as a child, which has left me unable to engage in intimate activities due to trauma, shame, and fear. There's something I've never discussed because of deep shame, and I can't find information about it or anyone to talk to. When sexual assault scenes appear in media, I experience involuntary physical responses, which confuses and distresses me since I'm still processing my trauma. Is this a common response for survivors, and what does it mean?

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Meaning Making

I'm in a wonderful but very new one-month relationship, and my partner just told me he's entering a 90-day treatment program. I'm one year into my own healing journey and didn't realize how new he was to his. He's asked me to wait for him, but I'm unsure - it's difficult to put my life on hold without knowing if his feelings will change during treatment. A lot of healing can shift perspectives. What should I do?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

When I was 12-14, I had a girlfriend who was about 1.5 years older. She exposed me to sexual content and pressured me into online sexual roleplaying. She was being groomed herself at the time. What would this experience be classified as? Is it COCSA? I have PTSD from it, but I've been told the age gap wasn't large enough to be considered grooming.

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

When I was 10, an older teen (15) who was a friend of my brother engaged in inappropriate online behavior with me. This included requesting and exchanging inappropriate content, and discussing sexual activities, though no physical contact occurred. I'm trying to understand how to categorize this experience and what term might describe what happened to me. How can I process this and seek appropriate support?

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Understanding Trauma & Violence

I'm struggling with how to interpret an uncomfortable childhood experience from preschool. During a time when the teacher was absent, a group interaction occurred involving undressing and touching among classmates. I initially felt uncomfortable and hesitated, but eventually participated due to peer pressure. I recall the others touching and rubbing me, and it became a group session of touching and looking at each other. The experience left me feeling exposed and violated, even though we were all young. When the teacher returned, her reaction made me realize it wasn't appropriate, intensifying my feelings of shame and distress. I felt people staring at me, which increased my sense of exposure and shame. This event has stayed with me and caused ongoing discomfort and confusion. I'm unsure how to categorize this experience. Given our young age and the natural curiosity of children, I wonder if I'm overreacting. How can I reconcile my feelings of violation and shame with the uncertainty about whether this was inappropriate behavior or typical childhood exploration? Is it valid to feel affected by this, or am I making it seem more significant than it was?

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Sharing Your Story

I'm struggling with uncertainty about traumatic events from my childhood. While I'm certain something inappropriate occurred, I worry I might be unintentionally exaggerating the details in my mind. Since it involved another child, I sometimes question if it was harmful behavior or more typical childhood interactions. How can I cope with these doubts and conflicting memories?

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